Despite what can only be describes as overwhelming odds layed by Vegas bookmakers swallowing has won this year's Don Knotts Cup for the 1st time. This trophy, awarded annually to a body function regulated by the ANS (autonomic nervous system), has been won by either blinking or yawning in each of the past 7 years. Experts are not sure how or why the stranglehold was broken but once the news was announced the parties started and were still going on until the wee hours of the morning. Some of the revelers, besotted on special yogourt smoothies, taunted passing motorists with proud displays of their adam's apples but other than that and a few broken windows the situation never got out of hand.
Swallowing, a very important bodily function that facilitates eating and helps prevent drool, has fallen on hard times of late due to bad PR generated by several XXX Internet sites. It seems a last minute, grassroots lobbying campaign that started in Wisconsin (the Dairy State) and spread throughout the midwest helped to sway the judges.
The late Don Knotts, who built his career on a vast array of perfectly timed comedic blinks and gulps, donated the trophy 2 years before his death.
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