Obesity in North America - The Blob Weighs In

It's a well known fact that the North America obesity rate has been climbing rapidly and has now reached epidemic proportions. As a society we also consume far more energy than any other on the planet. We weigh more than everyone else and we consume more than everyone else but until now no one has drawn an essential correlation between the two. After much research, number crunching, and I dare say, many a late night tryst with Lady Haagen-Dasz I've reached a startling conclusion that has put me at odds with many of my colleagues in the healthcare and socio-economic departments at the Academy. It is without further hesitation that I present for your scrutiny the results of my groundbreaking study:

The Fat of the Land: Eating Beyond Our Means or Balancing the Scales?

These graphs when viewed seperately are thought provoking in their own right but a comparison of the two shows some startling similarities.
What then are we to make of this? Based on my data I can only postulate that demographers who speak of "energy consumption per capita" have got it all wrong. What they should be referring to is "consumption per pound". In this light we N. Americans turn out to be only slightly more wasteful than our more narrow cousins to the east. Allow me to illustrate: To a demographer interested in a per capita approach the photos below display one person (subj.A) and six people(subj.B-G) respectively. I propose that based on The CPP index (consumption per pound) they are in fact equivalent as subj. A weighs as much as the combined weights of subj. B-G. This is completely in keeping with the natural order of things as larger animals (cows, hippos,elephants etc.) must consume more to maintain themselves just as the larger N.American must do. The US population alone balloons to almost one billion when looked at through the wide-angle lens of the CPP.(1 American = 3.27 foreigners)

While the smaller B-G group can easily nourish themselves with a modest bowl of fish, vegetables and rice, subject A has little choice but to gorge himself on such things as this delicious pizza topped with cheese and White Castle hamburgers famously known as "Sliders".

Our cars carry more weight and therefore use more fuel, our furniture must be replaced more often, and our health care costs are higher. When all factors are combined the conclusion becomes practically self-evident....every pound of North American human flesh uses the world's resources at or near the average global rate. This can only be good news for us as we leave the TV and lights on (to trick burglars) and pile into our Hummers (if we could fit into smaller cars we would) in search of the next double cheeseburger and triple thick shake.

I can only hope that the morbidly obese among us can take some consolation from my findings and that those who would stereotype the fat as lazy and stupid can take this study to heart and put an end to Weighcism once and for all.