You're about to spend your first night with that special someone but how to break the ice?? Nothing says "Let's get this party started" like the MediMate fun date kit !! All materials are hospital tested and hospital approved (Purell not incl.) to ensure hours of faux doctor fun. Take turns being practitioner or patient, re-enact scenes from your favorite medical TV show, one of you can be a baboon being prepped for vivisection who escapes and wreaks havoc on the cowering nurse (ironically using the very instruments meant for him!), ever wanted to be a sadistic prison physician on cavity search day? Go ahead....let your imaginations run wild!!! The basic starter set pictured here is only $199.99. Did someone say "The doctor is in"!!??
For more advanced couples why not try our Lady Intima Collection at $249.99. It's Gyne"cool"ogical!!!
11 comments:
Ok, I admit it, I'm having trouble getting dates (it might be due to the fact that I'm not trying very hard). That doesn't mean I'm going to pursue gay guys or give Lorne from the video store a second glance. But let's not all make fun of me at once. Let's not forget how sorely Mikexxxster is lacking in dates. I only stopped playing doctor in May, whereas I shudder to think when Mike's last check-up was. En garde, boys!
Wonderfully put Maria...I have to admit I'm a bit more empathetic to your plight right now. Lunch with Mikexxxster (master of the waiting game)may not be the answer though, but a few more months of laying fallow and who knows. Any port in a storm as they say.
Speaking of which I'm not sure if you caught my drift about Turd Stuffington so perhaps I should spell it out more clearly: Let's just say his lunar probe will never be docking with your mother ship. There, that should do it. Good luck with the manhunt.
Ya I got it, thanks.
Maria! Believe me when I tell you that no one would ever make fun of you!! Surely you understand the difference between laughing with, and laughing at, someone? For instance, some people laugh at Brandon (not me, because of my sacred vow to Blobbie), and some people laugh with him (that would be me). As well, you and I are in the same boat, so to speak, insofar as (to use your colourful phrase) getting regular "checkups" are concerned. So obviously- to mock you would be to mock myself. Sadly, I don't have a "doctor" to call my own these days- but you know, there are,scattered throughout the city, "emergency rooms","walk-in clinics" and other assorted establishments offering "health care providers" on-call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year; they are, I understand, "thorough-going professionals", so that even someone in desperate need of a "check up" can be seen by a fully committed "health-care provider" whenever necessary!!! Such is our wonderful capitalistic "health-care" system!!! Which is not to say that I have ever used, or ever would use that system......but it is good to know that it's there! All that gentlemanly good taste will allow me to say, Maria, is that I fully appreciate the Seinfeld character George Costanza's memorable line about being a "sexual camel"- and all that that implies. Anyway, experts assure me (some of my best friends are "doctors")that medically speaking, no one has ever died (at least short-term) from missing a few (ok, a lot) of "checkups!!! I hope you find your Asclepius very,very soon!!!
Blob!!! Put me down for 1 MediMate, and 1 Lady Intima (yes, I know, I've always been something of an optimist!)!!! When I was a young lad back in the 50s and 60s, I would rarely leave the house without my "Li'l Sawbones Junior Medical Kit"!! Let me assure you, Blobster, the girls in the neighbourhood squealed with pleasure when they saw "Dr. Mikey" wheel up on his tricycle!!! I still wonder whether I made the right career choice all those years ago (but it would take a better man than me to have said no to all that money!)......anyway, I won't bore you with my childhood memories; all I'll say is that I wish you could have known my next-door-neighbour, little Nurse Cathy......but sadly, that was long ago, in a land far away........look; just get that stuff to me as fast as you can, ok? And Blobele, tell all your female friends (the cute ones, anyway) that Dr. Mikexxxster (he's all growed up!) is back in town, and yes, he makes house-calls!!!
Dear Blob,
Shame on you, and your ill-bred ilk. Blogs are for worshipful words, not your type of devilish doings!
Please, let us all keep the tone above our lascivious libidos, and above all- let us pray!
I agree with Vulva. There's way too many innuendos in these pages. Is there no decency left at the Blob? I think we're worrying too much about how to satisfy ourselves, we never stop to think how we can satisfy God! Now, does anyone know what he's into? Let's put S&M on the list right off the bat... umm.. suggestions anyone?
Where do they come from, Blobbie? Who is this Auntie Mulva? In spite of her prissy, school-marmish attitude, something tells me that she'd be a real goer if given half a chance! She clearly admits to having a lascivious libido; "the lady doth protest too much, methinks"! Mulvie, baby! Why not let Dr. Mikexxxster and his brand-new MediMate Fun Date Kit(thanks, Blobbie!!!) fix whatever ails you (and don't forget, THIS doctor makes house-calls!)? "Worshipful words...devilish doings"....??? My, you ARE a naughty Auntie!! If you pray hard enough, Mulva.........
Lovely Maria! I'm sorry that I'm the one to tell you this, but our ol' buddy God has no time to be satisfied about anything, because he's completely overwhelmed by his job description!!! The reason being that when we humans brought him to life about 3000 years ago, his inventors, in their ignorance, assigned to him a "universe" that surrounded the earth by just a few miles in all directions. Now, knowing what we know through the wonders of science, He's trying to manage a universe INFINITELY larger (millions of galaxies containing tens of billions of stars,supporting many hundreds of billions of planets, with many, many millions of them containing life forms, in all likelihood. I suspect God is underpaid.). He's in over His Head!!! What is laughable, it seems to me therefore ,is that there are people (of all religious persuasions) who actually believe that our pal God has the time to care whether a woman is wearing a head-covering or not, or whether a man is circumcised-I assure you, Maria, He most certainly does not "see the little sparrow fall" (if He does,He could care less!!!)!It's completely nonsensical!!!! He doesn't have the time!!! My personal belief is that, in a Perfect Universe, God (with not a care in the universe) and Auntie Mulva would kick back somewhere, and do the Wild Thing for a few eons! Poor old Jehovah-He had no idea what He was getting into!! What a Loser!!!I say that in the best possible sense of the word, Oh Lord!!!
In all likelyhood we DID invent God but in our cleverness we made him infinitely powerful so even in an expanding universe filled with the most grandiose and minute of problems (a proliferation of Megagerbils on Zebulon 7 or The Infected Hangnail of Walter Biggs....the title of my next novel BTW) he could sit back in his gilded throne and calmly reply to Mikexxxster "bring it on!!"
As for Maria's S&M idea the sadism aspect is a gimme. The Juchramic God is the all time sadist...just ask Abraham, Lot's wife, the people of Sodom, the flood victims, etc. As a masochist he is also unparalleled. The whole Jesus story: "I killed my own SON for you and this is the thanks I get??!!??" is the greatest guilt trip ever but the real proof is us. God created us because he was bored...we were put here to amuse him. Could he not have foreseen the headaches we'd be causing or is he just a glutton for punishment. Creating US for amusement is like me giving power of attorney to some crack whore so she could manage my finances.
I'll not be dissing the lord like some but I can easily imagine him up in heaven, whip in hand, his robes barely concealing the bejeweled harnesses and nipple clamps.
Oy!
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