There's a comfort level and intimacy shared by old friends. You know each others secrets, you've been there during good times and bad, and you accept each other, warts and all.
One such platonic friend (I'll call her Lise because it's easier to type than say...Genevieve) recently had a great idea.
We were discussing the sorry state of our dirty domiciles when she suggested that we could alternately visit each other and do a thorough day long cleaning followed by a home cooked meal.
I eagerly and innocently accepted, not realizing the dangerous ground that I was now treading upon until a later conversation with my GF Phyllis. I told her the idea and here is her reply: "At this point I don't care who you fuck but if I find out that you cleaned stuff for her that you wouldn't for me then it's over!!!"
I could imagine her rage...."You wet mopped her vestibule!!???!! and what about your front door, that knob didn't just polish itself.......(crying) you didn't dust her ficus did you??!!!"
Realtionships, even long distance ones, are replete with minefields and I'd gone ahead and unwittingly discovered yet another one. It occurred to me that for centuries men have been trading housework for sex. The image of wifely favors, yet to be doled out, motivating a strenuous bout of vacuuming, toilet cleaning or a myriad of other drudgeries we'd sooner avoid. I freely admit to doing this and come on guys...you know we've all been there. We're all chore whores and we know that a little elbow grease is better than any sex lube on the market!!.
Even though Lise and I will be jointly cleaning each others houses it will be Phyllis who reaps the benefits. Spring cleaning with its pushing and pulling, rubbing and buffing, delving into nooks and crannies (all this followed by a nice meal) is a great way for platonic friends to have physical, quasi-sexual fun without crossing any forbidden boundaries. If Phyllis trusts me to follow through with this plan she will show up in May to a spotless house and an eager boyfriend.....all because she let me sweep with another woman.
7 comments:
Now, that was a great article, Blobby. Well thought out, well expressed, and, like everything worth reading here at the Blob, succinct. I applaud you!
(and I'm not even being sarcastic!)
What a bitch!
O.K., I agree with Maria. Nicely done, blobeleh!
I haven't had a good cleaning since you guys were all here (said the actress to the bishop). My cleaning lady has gone awol...you can imagine the state of the place, dead cockroaches & dead moths littered about. Maybe I'll swiffer tomorrow.
pg
hey PG....forget the cleaning lady. Find yourself a chore whore!
Der Blob,
Know your American States! Here are some fun facts about Arizona:
# You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
# Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West.
# There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
# When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.
# Hunting camels is prohibited.
# Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
# It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
Glendale
# Cars may not be driven in reverse.
Globe
# Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.
Hayden
# If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.
Maricopa County
# No more than six girls may live in any house.
Mesa
# It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
Mohave County
# A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
Nogales
# An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
Prescott
# No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.
Tucson
# Women may not wear pants.
Tombstone
# It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.
Your welcome.
Dixxx
Dixxx,
Thanks so much for the Arizona fun facts. Believe it or not last time I was in Nogales I actually got arrested for wearing suspenders. It went to trial but all I received was a....wait for it......suspended sentence!!!
Anyways, despite a previous pledge I have to correct your punctuation and forgive me for being pedantic and irksome. Your German salutation; Der Blob, should have read; Der Blöb. That is all.
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