raising concerning the plight of short men. That last post engendered only one terse and heightist comment from what appears to be a bitter but clever young woman. "Death to shorties" she wrote. I can only hope my dentist doesn't see that!!
I tried to elevate the tone a bit trying to keep The Blob from becoming the hornyboys club for which certain readers seem to clamor but the virtual silence speaks volumes.
My woman readers, given a chance to speak out about their perceived bias, have tacitly said all that needs to be said (save for the aforementioned bleak girl who managed to type 3 measly words while taking a break between sulking and pouting) and all this leaves me standing alone at a crossroads. Do I cave and turn The Blob into just another porn site...(that's a rhetorical question Dixxx!!)
or do I try to maintain my rigorous standards of disciplined commentary.
Despîte what my readers seem to be telling me I will remain steadfastly on the high road...peer pressure be damned!!! What better way to end the month in style than with a poem that will sum up my experiences of this past January:
The Blob, most adept at percussion
Went on tour with Turovsky*, the Russian
Despite great success
His life was a mess
Because of a mild concussion
*(yuli turovsky, artistic director of I Musici)
See...no prurient interest, just good clean , rigorously disciplined fun.
Let's go a step further. While the limerick has it's constraints of form the haiku with it's 3 lines is more limiting. I propose a new form; the Sextima, that contains the word sex to satisfy my more juvenile readers (sex as in the number 6 though) and consists of 6 lines, each one syllable long. This is the poetic equivalent of being corseted, hogtied, and having one of those ball things in your mouth. Here's an example:
On A Life Well Lived
Do
good
Have
kids
Eat
kale
That wasn't so bad was it??? We can have poetry here every friggin day if I feel like it!! Here, how do you like this cheery number by Mary Barnard??
Had enough yet....I'm just getting warmed up....we can be here alllll night.
How about some Keats or Yeats???
oops...gotta go, the muffins are ready but as you've no doubt noticed things can change around here in the blink of an eye!! The ball is in your court.
7 comments:
Dear Blob,
Firstly, have you ever heard the expression "no news is good news"? Perhaps the lack of action in your comments section is just proof that the readership is happy with the more recent posts. No need to get your pee hot over that.
Secondly I for one am overjoyed with the unprecedented exploration of poetry and feeling here at the Blob. I have always found that reading the Blob is like a very long evening with a learned and perceptive friend who keeps leaping to his bookshelf for more and better illustrations, and finding ever more connections and revelations. To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson: "I dreamed that I floated at will in the great Ether, and I saw this world floating also not far off, but diminished to the size of an apple. Then an angel took it in his hand and brought it to me and said, "This must thou eat." And I ate the world"
You, Blob, are that angel. I would like to contribute the next poem for discussion:
That elegant gigolo, Price,
Remarked, 'Now, it may be a vice,
But one thing I know,
This dancing for dough
Is something exceedingly nice.'
There, I take the ball from my court and place it in your mouth.
Yours in Christ
Dixxx
Yes Dixxx' I've heard the no news etc. expression but the hot pee one is brand new!!
I like the way you see me (in my role as Blobmaster) as your perceptive and helpful friend although to be honest I wouldn't be jumping off the couch towards my bookshelf. More likely I'd be leaning carefully so as not to upset the platter of nachos as I searched the couch for my remote control. All the connections and revelations you need are on TV. Then I'd pass you the nachos and say;
"these must thou eat
but finish them not
they're mostly for me
I like them a lot"
your serve......
When intoxicated or otherwise impaired individuals present themselves on their own or via the men in blue to our bustling emergency room, prompt collection of their urine is paramount in order to determine the offending chemical. they are advised to urinate in a collection bottle. Many sordid and unwise (not very original either) individuals will try to fool the sage medical staff and attempt to substitute their urine with liquids of similar color. If not for the temperature distinguishing characteristic of " HOT PEE!!" we might not be immediatley alerted to their attempts at deception. As they have no means of warming apple juice to the correct temperature in their quick trip to the toilet.
In other words , once you have held warm urine in your hands , nothing else can substitute.
Nice urine story Beav and it kind of got me thinking....pee and leak are 2 synonyms for urine, the 1st one you make the 2nd you take but switch a vowel between them and you get 2 vegetables; pea and leek. Further proof that God exists, don't you think?
Dear Blobber - don't be so hard on yourself! Let me be hard on you (ha! ha! just kidding!! ((not really)))!! Frankly, I don't understand your nonplussedness (if that's the word I want)! As plugged-in as you are to American Pop Culture, you surely know that "tits and ass" is what interests the proletariat (the tits part, I must confess, is a mystery to me! ). Political discussions and consciousness raising are all very well, but most assuredly, that's not what Mr. and Ms. J. Q. Mouth-Breather are looking for! Just give them what they want, and laugh at them all the way to the bank! Blobbie!! If you want to discuss politics or consciousness raising, I'm your man! Even if you don't, I'd still like to be your man (ha! ha! just kidding!! ((not really!!!)))!! What do you say Blob?? You and me; two crazy hombres, mano a mano (I'm not kidding ((yes I am!!!!!)))!!!!!! Your perceptive and helpful friend, Tobias
There once was a Blog, name of Blob,
whose thing was as small as a knob,
To the girl who protested,
He quoth, "I've invested,
Now get down there and give me a job!"
Dearest Blobbie,
That anonymous poetic lass seems to have the right spirit. I just know she would be a team player (or is that playah???!!!!!). She wouldn't shirk her duty!!!!!
Too bad about the size issue, but as my friend, who shall remain nameless (his initals are Nick Atkinson) says, "It's not the size of the weapon; it's the fury of the onslaught!!!!!!!
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