A Little Something for the Ladies

In doing some research for my upcoming post about Cartagena I came across this photo and bio of an apparently quite well known and studly South American singer. I'll reprint verbatim (promise) because it's too good and in a sense pure to be sullied with my own brand of fabricated vulgarity.

Niallo Brazofuerte- and The Caballeros of Cartagena
[Versión española] [Biography] [Guestbook]
Niallo Brazofuerte is the definite Latino-crooner. Imagine Leonard Cohen with a feel for the sizzling rhythms of the Mediterranean, and the charm to go with it. Or an Enrique Iglesias with balls, who would not trade masculinity for passion. Niallo Brazofuerte can certainly set the night on fire, while maintaining the coolness that gives the ladies the shiver and makes men want to draw their knife in shear jealousy. Sit back and enjoy, as 'Naughty Niallo' is back with a brand new bag of songs.

Niallo was born in 1974 in the troubled Downtown area of Kingston, Jamaica. His father Ricardo was a rabbi at the local synagogue, his mother Hazelina a prominent member of the Rastafari movement. Growing up under these conflicting theological influences, Niallo at an early age learned to be sceptical of dogmatism in any form and, indeed, prominent musicologists attribute the stunning diversity in his musical outpouring to this fact.
The first signs of Niallos musical talent came at the age of six when, at a school recital of Oklahoma, he won massive critical acclaim with a bone chilling rendition of "I Cain't Say No" in the role of Ado Annie. Unfortunately, at the same recital, his father won far less acclaim when displaying his genitals from the front row whilst expounding the benefits of circumsision to a stunned audience. Ricardo is believed to have been intoxicated at the time, but this nonetheless prompted their move to Buenos Aires where Niallo for the first time was exposed to the musical influence that would have the most lasting effect on him - the tango.
A natural born dancer and ladies man, he found in the tango a passion and melancholia to match his own, and it was only natural that by the age of thirteen he was the lead singer in a tango outfit touring the major cities of Argentina. By the time Niallo finished school in 1989 he was already a well known and respected figure in the hardcore tango community, but it was only with the release of his landmark 1990 album "Cojones y Fuego" that he became a household name.
In the succeding years a string of commercial and artistic triumphs followed, but unfortunately, they were accompanied by his falling ever deeper into the throngs of drugs and alcohol addiction. He hit rock bottom in 1998 when he was admitted to the Betty Ford Clinic after an incident which many have interpreted as a Freudian cry for help to his by now estranged father. At the 1998 Latin Music Awards, when set to receive his third Male Artist of the Year award, Niallo removed all of his clothes and proceeded to dance on the table whilst screaming that he had lost all of his fandango. Then, famously, he tore off Gloria Estebans left shoe and managed to use it to down four shots of tequila before being taken care of by security.
An eight year period of obscurity followed before his by now much publicized comeback. His comeback single "Lost In The Tango" is laden with references to his troubled past, and it can only be hoped that the cathargic virtues of self examination will help this conflicted genius contain his demons. As the maestro himself puts it: "There's whiskey in the jar". For his sake and ours, let it stay there!

I SWEAR I didn't make any of that up. That's by far the best bio in history!!