dixxx said...
Dear Blob,
Dear Blob,
Did you know that the first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.?
Leave it to Dixxx, our very own "Crocodile Dung D" to come up with this gem and talk about your crazy coincidences. I just happen to have a small tub of croc dung sitting in my freezer. I procured it at the zoo and used half of it last summer as a poultice for my bursitis (BTW it didn't work...don't believe everything you read on the internet!) . Being a bit of a pack rat I couldn't part with the rest.
The idea of using excrement as a contraceptive intrigued me so late last night I attempted to fashion a condom out of the stuff and failed miserably. Try as I might I just couldn't get the damn thing to stay on or even hold together. Just the slightest twitch sent clumps of it breaking off so after about 5 attempts I said to myself "It's time to pack it in". That was the eureka
moment I'd been waiting for!! Of course you couldn't use crocodile shit as a condom, it must have been used as a pessary or vaginal suppository!
moment I'd been waiting for!! Of course you couldn't use crocodile shit as a condom, it must have been used as a pessary or vaginal suppository!Just think about it, 4,000 years ago, the hot Egyptian sun, no pasteurization....as bad as processed croc crap smells today it must have been positively rank back in the day. A small amount of dung, strategically inserted would have dispelled any procreative notions from even the horniest soldier back in town on leave, especially with all the comparitively fragrant camels and goats roaming around.
We may be living in a high tech, fast paced world but we still can learn a thing or two from our distant ancestors.
14 comments:
Well! That's the last time I eat my breakfast while reading the Blob.
Oy Blob,
Since Dixxx can switch topics at whim, I thought I'd do the same thing.
What say you all about living in a country that: uses British paliamentary rule, American dollars, has 2 Canadian banks soon to be a 3rd, drives on the "wrong" side of the road roundabouts and all and people hail each other by saying, "Oy!!!"?
I thought the worker Canadian population was high but it turns out we're only 600 strong...the Jewish population only numbers 30-50 and Oy rules.
Comments on a schizophenic society?
PG
Dear PG,
The Turks and Caicos is one of those out of the way places that nobody really cares about. That provides it's citizens with the kind of freedom to borrow illogically from other cultures that we here in Canada can only dream of. If I wanted to walk around in a dashiki in Montreal I'd be mocked and stared at but when I visit your island this March that's EXACTLY what I'll be wearing!!
Good follow-up on the crock poop. How about this; some little known facts about midgets:
Midgets have played an important part in all the major events in history. For instance during the Franco-Prussian war, midgets were used as projectiles when they used up all the rocks. Also, Einstein was a midget but due to trick photography was made to seem taller. Hitler was said to have a panel of advisers consisting entirely of the worlds smartest and blondest midgets, but due to the midgets inbuilt sense of good, they defected early in 1941 and helped the allies build the first Sherman tanks (which were initially powered by the static from cats being rubbed on shag carpet).
Good follow-up on the crock droppings. How about some fun-facts about midgets:
Midgets have played an important part in all the major events in history. For instance during the Franco-Prussian war midgets were used as projectiles when they used up all the rocks. Also, Einstein was a midget, but due to trick photography was made to seem taller. Hitler was said to have a panel of advisers consisting entirely of the worlds smartest and blondest midgets, but due to the midgets inbuilt sense of good, they defected early in 1941 and helped the allies build the first Sherman tanks (which were initially powered by the static from cats being rubbed with amber in the wheels).
I'll set em up, you knock em down!
Dixxx
Feel free to pick and choose from my previous 2 comments. Somehow both of my possible submissions made it in.
Thanks Dixxx,
I was all set to expound on your 1st midget post with some typical, photo-shop aided, flight of fancy when I noticed the 2nd one. The two seem identical to the untrained eye but I soon realized that the 2nd post had been allowed to ripen to full fruition...a perfect "comedic kumquat" that needed no further processing.
(BTW "kumquat" is now 2007's 5th funniest word having overtaken "yoghurt" in the latest poll.)
Wait a second!! Those posts weren't identical at all...did the nazis use shag carpet or amber to induce cat static??? I don't know who to believe anymore. I suppose I could try reading the Goebbels treatise "Auf der Utilizationen von Kleine Menschen Im Krieg" again but I can never get through the flowery exposition.
Maybe it is my Scottish roots, but I have to agree, there is nothing finer than a fragrant goat.
MacWilson
Don't you musicians have anything better to do in the middle of the night than ponder uses for crocodile dung, midgets, Nazis, cat static powered tanks and kumquats? Now, if you just focused on kumquats maybe I could understand why you pull these all nighters.....
By the way, what's happened to Mikexxxster? Where is he? What have you done with him? I miss my Mikexxxster........
Blobber!! Re: the post by the cowardly "anonymous"; trust me when I tell you that I am most certainly not "MacWilson", although I agree completely with his or her sentiments (there's a fine distinction, I'll admit!)!!! But, really! I say!!!
Torontomave! Thank you!! Someone cares!!!! I love you!!!!!! Your own (to do with as you will!!) Mikexxxster!!!!!!!
Mikexxxster,
Accepted with gratitude from TO.....
xxx
TO Mave,
The short answer is no...as musicians we answer to a higher calling and as classical musicians our attention to even the slightest detail in our interpretation of a piece spills over into an interest in what you feel are meaningless minutiae. Consider yourself chastened (but not chaste...I remember you from school!!)
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