"Well you see it was the new millenium, close to the end of the 1st decade of it anyways, like 06-07ish....OK, OK I'll get on with it!! Sorry your majesty. Anyhoo,(nervous laughter) there were all sorts of religion bashing, God denying books on the best seller lists and I just happened to read one by Cristopher Hitchens.......yes sir, your Kahuna-ness....the arrogant, drunken, British asshole. That's exactly right. I'm not surprised you knew mind you, but still...... At the time I was a bit taken with some of his points and I suppose I felt a bit emboldened by his dogmatic style. I mean, he sounded so sure of himself!! Long story short, I had this Blog I was writing...yes sir The Blob was it's name....why thank you your Lordship!!!!! Anyways, buoyed by Hitchens I wrote some awfully blasphemous stuff and by the end of the week was feeling so guilty that I started having nightmares. In one of them I had a vision of hell that was so terrifying that not even Satan himself could imagine an eternity presiding over that infernal domain. It pretty much scared me straight and that's when
I decided to join the priesthood. Please don't send me down there, I'm begging you!!!!"
13 comments:
Party bear wore that same costume for Halloween one year. Premonitory much?
Dear Blob: It's funny 'cause it's true!!! As a Born-Again Christian I suppose I should feel sorry for those pathetic monsters (look at them, proudly displaying the tools of Beelzebub Himself!!!) roasting for eternity (crank up the heat, boys,you know they deserve it!!!); but let's be honest--- first, they made their choice. Second, being "washed in the blood of the Lamb", as I am, is like being rich. Where's the pleasure if everyone else is rich too? You know what I mean? Personally, when the happy day arrives, and I'm "Promoted To Glory", I hope to hear the tormented screams of those godless beasts from the comfort of my own fluffy, white cloud!!! Heaven indeed!!!! Praise His Name!!!!! signed, A true Christian.
Dear Blob,
What do you think of the new religion of Drum Circles? Presumably no one goes to hell regardless of how badly they hammer on those instruments - it's the togetherness and community bonding that matter. I for one think it's a great thing although I confess that I was born with a tin ear...
Dear Blob, I have a little message to send to Anonymous: F you! As a spawned-again satanist, I am a true believer in the hell that is around us every living day on this planet. The hell part being christian schmucks like you. But the dark lord tells us that soon the righteous will fall and those who are one with the devil shall triumph! Drinks all around! And I ain't talkin' communion wine neither...
Dear Blobbie! Wow!! We've got a keeper in underworldprincess2007!!!If you don't mind, let me put your hat on just this once, and I'll talk to her directly.......my dear malevolent beast-girl(I use that phrase in the best, most positive sense);calm down if you can...although I suppose it's to be expected that one of Lucifer's Own would be "packin'" a little 'tude"!! No offense taken!!However,here at the Blob Round Table,we pride ourselves on taking the broad view; whenever possible we do what we can to build a happy consensus,where everyone's opinion gets (at least a little) respect.Anonymous, right or wrong, is entitled to a God-given opinion, whether god-like or not. Tell you what---why don't you come over to my place some evening;I'll build a roaring fire(somehow I know you'd like that!!),you can put your hairy, shapely goat-legs on my lap, and I'll give you the best foot massage your pretty,little cloven-hooves(I love that look,just love it!!) have ever felt!! Your Satanic Anger will just melt away! Or not.Is that what you would want? I've so much to learn about your wicked, wicked ways!!! If you give me a chance, I know I could make your visit hell-on-earth!!What do you say?? Just one more question...how do you feel about Foxey-Boxing?
Unbelievable the flitations that go on on this blog. Blob? Waddabout the drum circle??? Erica? Mike? Transparent... Martin Family Vodka Night/rhum nite
xx L
flirtations - who'd believe I teach the Queen's English? pour me another, Jeeves...
Mikexxster, what am I going to do with you??? I was all set to take a back seat and let you address Rosemary's Baby over there when you turned what should have been a lesson in fairplay into a crude pick up attempt. I have a feeling Satan girl is actually Maria Callous and that the 2 of you are getting off in some perverted way on carrying out your flirting in public. I'm sure you've been told to get a room by now and that DOESN'T mean the comment section of The Blob!!!
Oops...I read your name as Toothless Shag...I kid you not (Mikexxster should be wading in any minute now).
The drum circle issue has been addressed.
on second read I'd say it was "toothless shag" whatever, it's all the same.
Blob,Blob,why persecutist thou me, Blob? What have I done to offend you? Your suspicions do you no credit!!! Quite simply, I like to make people happy...that's my nature...massaging the cloven hooves of a Daughter of Satan, offering a sweet young thing the chance to make her fortune in the world of sport;even inviting you, "Il Blobbo di tutti Blobbi, to a meeting of the VERY exclusive H.E.Bates Society.... I do what I can to make this a better world........and this is my thanks...........I may not post for a few minutes.....................
Mikey, I'm a percussionist not persecutist. I'm merely trying to a.) keep you honest and b.) maintain a glimmer of decorum around here. You're one tough, persistant cookie, I'll give you that, but if you REALLY loved M. Callous you'd set her free. Her satanic rant shows her to be every bit the zealot that the born-agains she rales against are though I have a feeling it may have just been the pitcher of cosmopolitans talking. If massaging cloven hooves is your cup of tea this may not be the place for you. May I suggest BarnyardPals.com....mention The Blob and get a 10% discount.
Ok hang on a second. First of all, I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I went to catholic school! How could I possibly have written something so blasphemous?? And in public?? Second of all, eeewwwwwww!! Mikexxster?? Are you kidding me? Ok, it's one thing to have a vat of cosmos and write a funny line here and there but it's quite another thing to say "get a room" when I'm so obviously NOT flirting with him (eew!!) Blob, I am SHOCKED that you would think me capable of flirting with my parents' friends, least of all a world renound (how the hell do you spell that word!?!?) playa like Mikey. Shame on you all!!
ps, mike, when the hell are you coming back, I miss you :)
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