Hey Sarkozy; Get your Brie covered hands off of her!!!

PARIS - Gov. Gen. Michaelle Jean charmed French media and even had President Nicolas Sarkozy swooning during a visit to France. Jean was officially there to take part in celebrations marking Quebec City's 400th anniversary.
But the French press soon became enamoured with Canada's "charming," "beautiful" and "intelligent" Governor General.
One leading newspaper went so far as to dub her an "elegant mix of Lady Diana and Nelson Mandela."

Dearest Michaelle,

This was bound to happen sooner or later ,what with all your travels and all, and I'm referring of course to an FL (foreign leader) falling in love with you just as you once did with me on that infamous weekend some 3 years ago when our passion and lust got the best of us and you forced yourself upon me (listen to me ramble on like an exciteable schoolgirl!).

I've been spurning your advances since then in order to devote myself entirely to writing The Blob but seeing you in the clutches of that slimeball Sarkozy, (described in these pages as " a smarmy mix of Napoleon, Jean-Paul Belmondo, and an old, well-worn loafer") has stirred old feelings and quite frankly has me pining for you and rethinking our relationship, or at least the few jagged shards which remain after I broke your heart.

I know that I never answered any of the dozens of emails you sent but if it's any consolation I saved them all and spent last night reading them again and again.

I see that you had a private session with Segolene Royale. You and she are the only 2 FLILF's left on my list after the untimely departure of Benazir and Hilary's descent into shrill desperation. The idea of the 2 of you together, discussing foreign policy, stocking clad knees accidentally touching as you sit facing each other in two well upholstered leather chairs, me delivering a pizza and....well, you know the rest. Suffice to say I barely slept last night.

Michaelle I was wrong. I state this publicly, filled with regret but without shame, and I ask you to take me back. Yes, I have a girlfriend, and yes, she is coming to visit in a few days but if you are planning a trip to Montreal I can arrange to free myself up for a few hours so we can rekindle the dying embers that still burn in our hearts (blowing usually does the trick if I remember correctly from scout camp).