Fallen Victims

Quite a day, quite a week. This may be far from the proper forum for discussion of varying degrees of tragedy but is after all my forum so....let's go!

For people of my generation that's two icons of our youth gone in one day: Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. Both in their own way were tragic figures and victims; Jackson supremely talented and troubled, Fawcett supremely beautiful, in the end a surprisingly good actress,the inventor of mall hair, and winner of the Eberhard-Faber "Nippy" Award (for most outstanding nipples) so many years running that they finally decided to can the ceremony and grant her victory "in perpetuity". Propriety prohibits me from providing any links to this natural phenomenon nor would it be wise of me to suggest typing "farrah fawcett nipples" in the search window of an unfiltered Google images. Not today anyways.

You couldn't help but feel bad for both of them...MJ was designed by his abusive dad to be a creature, not of this earth, but of the stage and Farrah, despite bouts of bizarreness, was finally taken seriously in her career only to be felled by cancer.

Tragic yes but the real tragedy is going on in Iran....not time for me to pontificate, just check the internet for reams of brilliant prose, gut wrenching and inspiring images and tales of people martyring themselves for the very things that we take for granted: http://shooresh1917.blogspot.com/

At times like this it's easy to long for simpler, sepia toned days: a healthy Farrah Fawcett, a 10 year old, black, Michael Jackson, and a pre-Mohammedan Persia....maybe somewhere this still exists.






















Speaking of tragedy, how about the US Republican party?
Another day, another sex scandal, this one involving South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, a potential 2112 presidential hopeful : http://www.examiner.com/x-3555-LA-Independent-Examiner~y2009m6d25-Mark-Sanford-wonders-how-do-you-solve-a-problem-like-Maria

The same old story you've all heard a thousand times before: head of state goes AWOL telling no one of his whereabouts other than a cryptic "I'm going hiking in the Appalachians", taking off for a 5 day tryst with some hottie in Buenos Aires then sneaking back home only to have is ingenious plan ruined by some nosy bitch of a reporter...ho hum.






There....I got my "Sanford and Sin" joke in 10 minutes before the Daily Show (I think they'll be going in this direction).












(with apologies)

0% Financing and a Guaranteed Spot in Heaven *

(*subject to life review. based on availability at time of actual entry. good works will not be taken into account. those of the more ancient mid-eastern faiths are ineligible as are residents of Quebec as stipulated in bill 75.2a)

As we are all well aware, the U.S. auto industry is in a shambles and teetering on the brink of catastrophe. The reasons are many: American complacency, Japanese ingenuity, German ingenuity, Korean ingenuity, Swedish ingenuity, Latvian underhandedness, and the solution thus far has been to throw piles of tax payer money at 2 of the Big 3 auto giants, GM and Chrysler.

Indeed, the latter company, now in 4th place among car manufacturers has partnered with Fiat after declaring hubris, I mean bankruptcy, earlier this spring.

Chrylser in paticular has tried all sorts of stop gap measures and gimmicks over the years but those days are gone says Fiat CEO Sergio Marchionne; "We are very happy to be back in the US market, so different from Europe but in many ways the same. Nothing the company has tried over the past 30 or so years really ever worked, with the possible exception of the air rifle give away, so we will be instituting a revolutionary policy shift and shall be announcing an important new partnership in the coming days!"

Of course here at The Blob we have sources who do our bidding (yes, the winged monkeys) and I've got my hands on the latest campaign....there will be some major retooling, and in ways that you can scarcely imagine. Here, have a look:

Let's get real. Maybe we here at Chrysler did get a little too big for our britches. Maybe somewhere along the way we got lost and in doing so have only ourselves to blame now that we've fallen on hard times. By teaming up with Fiat and paring down our operations we will be making major strides to remedy the situation but today Chrylser is proud to announce an important new partnership and a rebranding that fits with the American vision. We've gone upstairs, to the big man himself, as almost any troubled soul would do when nothing else seems to work.

Welcome to Christler....pray with us!!!"

Anything You Can do I Can do Bitter

Experts Recommend Classifying Bitterness As A Mental Disorder

Arlington, VA (AHN) - Mental health experts are recommending the reclassification of prolonged bitterness as a mental disorder.
The mental ailment is described is a pathological reaction to one negative life event like conflict at work, being laid off, divorce, ailment or separation in which the victim views the event as unjust and a violation of his basic belief and values.

Dr. Michael Linden, the German psychiatrist who named the behavior, explained to CanWest News Service, "People feel wronged, humiliated and that some injustice has been done to them... The critical part is this lasting and very intensive emotional embitterment, a mixture of depression and helplessness and hopelessness.... It's a very nasty emotion." http://www.calgaryherald.com/Health/Bitterness+touted+sanctioned+mental+disorder/1649023/story.html

I usually think of bitterness as one of the 4 tastes that we can perceive along with sweet, salty, and sour. The supposed 5th taste or "Umami" is a bogus attempt by the Japanese to assert their self-proclaimed sensory superiority over those of us in the West....or is it?
Umami is produced by Glutamic acid, also known as "xianwei" to the Chinese (literally; "Fresh Flavor"...which just turns out to be the name of 17% of all Deejays) This so called flavor, meaty and savory, actually has specific taste receptors on our tongue.
Big deal!! I bet there are thousands of receptors all over our body that we have yet to discover. Wait!!!...I just invented a new flavor
so now there are 6. It's called Steven and is reminiscent of the flavor of high school gym clothes.(it's a long story which I won't be discussing here, so I was f***ed up in high school...sue me!!!)
Thanks to the discovery of "umami" in 1908, by a Japanese scientist working with seaweed, we now have MSG. Those headaches and that mysterious white rash on your tongue after eating oriental food...thank the Japanese!!

But enough about taste. The bitterness referred to in the article is a whole other story. We all know a bitter person or two and are they fun to be around or what???

Whereas someone like myself may feel that life is too short to harbor this type of resentment the bitter person feels that life is too short because there is not enough time to right wrongs and get back at all those who have caused him harm. This is why the older an embittered person gets the worse the problem becomes. We all know about the biological clock but this is more a psychological timepiece and one of the few human processes that can ripen and mature well into the 80's.
I'm glad bitterness is finally getting it's due and officially achieving recognition as a treatable condition. All those years of languishing in unofficial limbo....somehow I'll never be able to forgive the bastards and assholes who were responsible for this!

Making the Cu t

Eaton Beaver said...
Dear Blob,

Thank God you're back! I have been trying to talk my girlfriend into getting a Brazillian wax, but she is hesitant and thinks it will hurt way too much. Normally I wouldn't care, but she's Greek you see, and needs some serious bushwackin' if you catch my drift. What can I say or do to convince her?

Yes Eaton, looks like I'm back in the nick of time, heaven forbid you should choke on a pube!!
There's no getting around it; a Brazilian wax job hurts, especially for those women who happen to be members of the more hirsute ethnicities. Take a look at the following video and give pause for a moment's thanks as you watch this parade of intrepid gals taking one for the team.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKRKo113xwA
That being said I do appreciate your concern and have been working overtime to help find an answer. My researchers (a crack team if ever there was one) have come back with what promises to be a virtually painless solution and have found me a new sponsor in the process!!



Intimate grooming has long been a concern for many women and here at Groomsman Inc. we've been catering to your depilation and lawn care needs since 1955. 25 years ago a revolution in miniaturization allowed us to shrink down our basic technology and bring our fine products literally "from the back yard to the front door!"
Now thousands of husbands and non-militant lesbians swear by our products as do multitudes of women who still nurse the scars of Brazilian waxings gone wrong.
You'll turn this:

Into this:


in no time!!!

The Making of "What Was I Waiting For??"

TROY HUBER writes:

Wouldn't mind knowing the steps that went into that bizarre photoshopping job on your ten commandments illustration





The process or processes involved in tranforming the photo at left into the one on the right are what we in the blogging community refer to
as "trade secrets".

My mandate is to answer any and all questions so despite an almost certain reprimand from the Union I'll come clean.

The effect in question while apparently easy to achieve is actually quite labour intensive.
Here then in note form is how I went about creating yesterday's image:

• After sitting for a 2 hour Motion Capture session where dozens of retroreflective markers were glued to my face, a negative 3D casting of my head was made in plaster of Paris.


• After realizing we forgot to remove the markers before the mold was made we started over.


• After realizing there was no need for the extensive motion capture procedure we went for lunch. (I had the tuna wrap)


• With the mold now dry a latex "positive" was made and left to harden.


• Once removed and cleaned it was wrapped in a thin fiberglass and resin mesh and shipped off to Madame Tussaud's in London where it was rendered in wax and shipped over to George Lucas' Industrial Light and Magic in California.


• Here the beard was formed by painstakingly removing the hair and some skin from a live Mandrill's face and ass (3 weeks from retirement and a fat IATSE pension, R.I.P. Jimmy Mahoney)

• 
  

• The removed materials were then shipped off to Sri lanka where rotating shifts of nimble fingered children completed the Moses beard which was then Fedexed back to I L and M for final touch up before affixing it to the waxen head.
• Assembly was done in stages by seperate teams to preserve secrecy and the finished product was emailed to my Mother for final approval.

Believe it or not: Charleton Heston's left hand in the original photo is in the exact position to play the famous chord at the beginning of The Beatle's "Hard Days Night". That's right...the very chord given to George Harrison, in a vision, by God himself!! http://www.noiseaddicts.com/2008/11/beatles-hard-days-night-mystery-chord-solved/

What Was I Waiting For??

More than 2 months and no new post. "What's up with that?" you may well ask and the more strident among you may even chime in with "Where the f**k have you been, assface??!!??"

Let's just say that with my personal life in upheaval I let The Blob take a back seat and have been waiting for a sign...a way back in. A way to resume the blog which for more than two years has been a source of mirth for 10's of people world wide!!

Today, in a conversation with a virtual stranger we discussed, by pure chance, the Jewish holiday called Shavuot or to us non-Hebrew speakers the more familar Shavuous (pronounced sha-voo-iss)

Having spent many years at Hebrew school I've heard about this holiday but wasn't paying attention when they told us what it was about (every year for 7 years).

My only reall connection with the holiday was in the idiomatic expression of impatience "What are you waiting for...Shavuous???" (always to be said with a slightly annoyed whine)

Well today just so happens to be Shavuous, the celebration of God giving Moses the 10 commandments on Mount Sinai.

Just as Moses left his flock for a time to go off by himself to do some soul searching so have I.

Just as Moses was given the 10 commandments I too recieved a visitation and a special message in the form of a bearded postman with a coupon for Quizno's. That's right Quizno's with it's great sandwiches and "fixins" bar where you can customize your meal with the now famous "10 condiments"(really sorry about that).

So yes.....I was waiting for a sign and yes, I guess all this time I have indeed been waiting for Shavuous.

It's great to be back. Tell your friends: It's Blob time once again!!

It's That Time of the Year Again

You may have guessed that something was up yesterday with the dick-related post and with yet another one today your suspicions are now confirmed; it is indeed Venezuelan National Penis Week once again (as declared by president for life Hugo Chavez only a few years ago). A quick check of the archives will reveal a mid-December date but the holiday, as decreed by El Presidente, moves back and forth month-wise, between December and March. http://slapper58.blogspot.com/2007/12/members-only.html


http://slapper58.blogspot.com/2007/12/venezuelan-national-penis-week-at-blob.html

To celebrate I've unearthed a clip from last February dealing with a beloved TV character....I missed it when it first aired, sort of just slipped through the crack I guess, but thanks to the internet here it is as fresh, relevant, and penisy as ever:

http://www.tvshark.com/read/?art=arc3132

Oh What a Night!!

Alaska's Mount Redoubt Erupts -- and Erupts and Erupts -- Five Times in One Night

March 23, 2009

Mount Redoubt, Alaska has finally erupted after two long months of teasing with tremors and steam puffs. The first eruption took place at 10:38 pm March 22, 2009. This initial eruption was estimated to have shot ash just below 20,00 feet in the air and rose the alert level from
Orange/Watch which was elevated after a small hiccup last week, to Red/Warning. Mount redoubt has erupted four more times following the first eruption on Sunday evening. The second at 11:02 pm, the third at 12:14 am March 23, 2009, a forth at 1:39 am, and the most recent at 4:37 am. As of yet the highest cloud height has been an impressive 50,000 feet.

So begins the newswire report about the mountain's first eruption in a lengthy 20 year refractory period.

Young in geological terms and virile by any standards, this stud of a volcano put on a show that had many a nearby hillock quaking and shivering in response.

Mt. Redoubt, shown at left enjoying a post eruption smoke, spewed its final load close to 15,000 meters. Mused visiting vulcanologist Spenk Urmler; "That was quite an impressive display....5 times, and such height!! I can go once a night, maybe twice and I'm lucky if I can hit the computer screen!"

(ed. note: Bad Segue Alert)

And while we're on the subject of male sexuality let me invite you to follow this link to an interview by Terry Gross with the actor Jason Segel (pictured below). Terry Gross, of the venerable NPR program Fresh Air, is perhaps the finest interviewer on the continent but she outdoes herself here with what may be the very best question I've ever heard followed by an answer from Segel that is every bit as incredible. This will be well worth your while....trust me (don't worry, it's funny and in no way educational.) http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=102232289&m=102241615

A Whiff of Spring

It's that magical time of the year once again here in the North country. Hearts hardened by a winter's worth of miserable cold now thaw like the crud covered piles of snow that encase our cities. There's a sense of promise and renewal in the air and also the unmistakeable aromas that accompany this annual transition to springtime. As happy as we are about the return of warm weather just think of how overjoyed our dogs are; dogs, who experience the world through senses that have been honed to a keen edge by eons of evolution. Their noses are 7,000,000 times more sensitive than our own (ed note: possibly an exaggeration) and their hearts at least as big. Imagine then their joy, as a simple walk outdoors becomes a canine version of trolling through FaceBook looking up old pals. The frozen turds of January (turn of phrase available for book or movie. Prices may vary) are warming now as well and as they do they give of fragrant hints of friends who have passed by long ago. If you think we, with our limited sensory capacity, are happy these days just imagine our beloved furry companions.

If only there was a way to give them this joy during the more or less housebound winter months.

Here at The Blob we've scanned the internet and have found just such a product. They've been added to the sponsor list...did someone say "spring is in the air"?

Speaking of dogs here's a little clip that you may find amusing;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJYqMhIYw58

A New Sponsor (yay)

Satellites colliding, an asteroid coming dangerously close to Earth.....stories in the news of late and stories that will be repeated more frequently, if what trusted scientists and engineers are telling us, is true.

Here at Pro-Techs our goal is not to alarm but to protect you, the consumer, from these impending disasters and with that in my mind we are proud to unveil The ASTRO 3000; the very lastest in space debris and asteroid cranial protection.

Our latest model comes from the factory straight to you with many exciting new safety features including a space age Absorbotron interior and the new LOMS (large object motion sensor) system for maximum comfort and protection.

Leave your house with confidence wearing a new ASTRO 3000!!

The 7 Good Qualities - #3: Tact

Paradise Girl said:

Ah Maria, if you're going to take the Blob in a contest at least make it a fair one!!! You know he has forsaken drinking booze so choose another talent like a bake off or eating him under the table.

This excerpted comment, courtesy of Turks or Caicos resident Paradise Girl, will help me illustrate Good Quality #3. You see...the Maria she refers to is none other than Blob regular Maria Callous, the young and voluptuous daughter of 2 dear friends, also habitual Blobites.

The comment presented me with a moral dilemma in the guise of a fabulous straight line, i.e. the last 5 words. An innocuous, idiomatic expression sure enough but at just a slightly different angle all sorts of images of another type of interesting contest emerge.

I've decided to take the high road and forsake all manner of crude punchlines because I think of young Maria as my daughter or niece or at very least the perverted, sinful, daughter or niece I never had. In so doing I am displaying TACT, the very quality that seperates us from the wild beasts that populate the land, sea and sky of our fragile planet.

TACT is the art of appropriate behaviour and timing, discernment, and context are its essence.

A chimp, for instance, has no qualms about eating his own excrement in public but most of us wouldn't be caught dead engaging in such a vile demonstration.

I won't take the bait Paradise Girl and any suggestions, even of the "golden straight line" variety, about having Maria "eat me under the table" have fallen on deaf and tactful ears.

Let me be an example to us all!!

The 7 Good Qualities - #2: Reliability

Gerbil Day: A Lesson in Reliability

Every March 2nd Augusto Munoz, a lonely single man from Onansville, Tennesee, emerges from his apartment with his pet gerbil Pépé carefully tucked into the cleft of his buttocks. At the annual ceremony he squats down in front of the assembled local dignitaries to reveal a sizeable plumber's crack and then the waiting begins. Within minutes the tiny and inquisitive rodent emerges...if the weather is temperate enough it will run away and winter will be short lived. If it is too cold he'll return to his cozy hollow and winter will overstay its welcome.

Spring will eventually follow, as welcome and reliable as Augusto and his gerbil. Seasonal traditions, no matter how vile, and especially those based on folk wisdom, help to humanize us all. Let's remember Augusto and little Pépé as we try to be reliable...the 2nd of the "7 good qualities".

The 7 Good Qualities - #1: Loyalty

A wise man once said "A picture is worth 1,000 words" and a somewhat wiser man said "Tastelessness is in the eye of the beholder." With those 2 axioms in mind take a look at this picture and let me know what you think.

I've heard that one of my regular readers, Maria Callous, has found God after not drinking for 7 days in a row so apologies in advance. OK then...here it is:

Now Here's a Great Question!!

Nel said...

Why did I ever stop reading the Blob? It's genius!

As we all know, The Blob is at heart an advice column. It says so in the masthead so it must be true and even though I stray into other areas of commentary and observation I cherish moments like these when a question comes my way....OK, time for my answer.

Few of you know that I spent one summer at the FBI Profiling Camp for Teens. (slogan: We already know who you are) I was very shy and my parents figured that if I wasn't talking to girls at least I'd be able to figure them out from a distance by developing insight into the human psyche and improving stalking and observation techniques. My counselor/trainer was an old FBI operative named Arnold "Lick" Spittleman.
His gruff, world weary demeanor belied a crusty interior and he took me under his wing, teaching me everything that he knew about figuring who people were before knowing them, or without ever getting to know them for that matter.
So....who is this Nel and how can I answer her question:

• She's easily distracted, flighty even -enjoyed The Blob yet stopped reading it.
• She's college age...I'd say early 20's - the phrase "it's genius!" is a dead give away.
• Well educated - most if not all Blob regular readers, even the lapsed ones, are.
• Spontaneous and enthusiastic - exclamation mark usage.
• Somewhat unsure of herself, insecure but with a healthy sexual attitude - the self doubt inherent in the question and again, her love of The Blob.
• Probably a good looking brunette - educated guess/wishful thinking

I plugged these traits plus a few other character elements or "personemes" into my computer's FBI L'il Profiler software and it spat out a few possible examples of what a Nel or Nel-type would look like .
( ed. note: while Blob regular Maria Callous is a good looking brunette, she lacks the appropriate personemes to fit this particular profile)

So, long answer short, Nel is the kind of person who is faithful yet flighty, knows a good thing when she sees it and yet will deny herself pleasure simply because she forgets that she deserves it. Keep on reading The Blob Nel, and Welcome Back!!!

Obama-Valentine's Day-The Interview: Another Blob Exclusive

Preamble from the President of the United States of America:

Why The Blob? Why Valentine's Day? These are questions that would instantly come to mind and let me assure you that I am well aware of this.

Look...The Blob was one of my many grassroots supporters, a blog that backed me 100% after backing Hillary 100% and jumping ship when it became clear that I'd get the nomination. That being said, I have a few thoughts about Valentine's Day that I need to vent, The Blob has an exceedingly small readership so therefore any damage from my possibly incendiary comments will be minimal. Let's begin the interview.

Bl.- Welcome Mr. President, it's an honor and a privilege to have you here and may I add my belated congratulations on your

B.O.- Let's get on with it please...you've probably heard that I'm rather busy these days.

Bl.- Sorry sir. Ok then...I'm just a bit nervous is all (nervous,muffled laughter).

I've heard tell that you have a problem with Valentine's Day...could you elaborate please?

B.O.- Sure. I'm all for celebrating love but it has to be a 2 way street and these days, well, have you seen the commercials on TV? It's always about the man getting something for the woman, never the other way around. I've had a couple of my staffers researching this and they reckon that it's 100% of the ads that skew this way. What are we being told? That women's affection has to be bought with flowers, chocolates, teddy bears, what have you and on the day that we're told?? I haven't bought Michelle a thing on February 14th in years and she's fine with it...trust me on this one.

(Michelle Obama enters office and pulls up a chair)

M.O.- Good afternoon gentlemen (wry wink).

Happy Valentine's Day to the both of you. Barack honey....check under your pillow....you'll be glad you did.

B.O.- What a surprise dear. We were just talking about this special day! But then again I try to make every day Valentine's Day.

M.O.- Not that cop out again. You know that I expect this day to be special darling and I'm sure you're going to surprise me. It's too early in your presidency to be putting our relationship on the back burner and even though you've been fighting like mad to save this economy of ours I know you've taken a couple of minutes to think of me. I'd be pretty upset if you hadn't actually....I'd turn your stimulus package into a severance package if you know what I mean.

B.O.- (nervous, muffled laughter) Well you realize hon that it's not how much you love the people you know, it's how much you know the people you love.

M.O.-President puhleease!!! Spare me the lofty rhetoric....it won you an election but that's about it. I want a dozen roses or some chocolate truffles, maybe a teddy bear on my side of the bed by 9:30 or you can say goodbye to Hot Toddy (ed. note: pet name for her genital area named after Abe Lincoln's wife, Mary Todd) for the rest of this fiscal quarter. (Michelle turns and makes a hasty exit)

BL- As you were saying sir?

B.O.- There's no need to be a smartass now, is there? This interview is over!

BL.- OK Mr. President...I've got a box of chocolates in my car. I bought them for my Mom then remembered that she's a diabetic...OOPS!! (entire room convulses in riotous laughter) Do you want em??

B.O.- Ummm, yeah...sure.

What an interview, what an honour!! I agree that Valentine's day is a crock of shit BUT just to be on the safe side I'm sending out this song to the one I love. I mean every word that these other people have thought of, written down, and set to music. Phyllis...you're the greatest!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alvEUFJtMw8&feature=related

Happy Birthday Charlie

Charles Darwin turns 200 today (yesterday actually, according to my watch) and in the 150 years since the publishing of On the Origin of Species his genius and insight into the workings of nature's hand have been proven time and time again. Indeed, it would be years before biologists and geneticists found the mechanism of genetic mutation which allowed for natural selection to take place.

Undenied prescience yes, but Darwin's theory was never able to account for well documented instances of de-evolution. My premise begins with the postulation, supported by a vast amount of research, that drums were the first musical instrument. Rather than launch into a lengthy explanation I'll use a simple illustration to demonstrate my point....you'll get the

picture.

Watch This!!

Thanks go out to the wonderful composer Robert Jones for this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka-sHA74N40 Words cannot do it justice so just click and enjoy.

In a tangentially related story Muzak Corp. has filed for bankruptcy. The elevator music people once thought to be immune from even the most severe economic downturn may soon be no more. Said company spokeswoman Susan Strepco: "We were as surprised as anyone by the recent numbers...I guess in retrospect switching to an all euphonium format was a bad move."

Where to Begin or: And Baby Makes 15

By now you've all heard about Nadya Suleman, the single mother of 6 who literally gave birth to a litter of 8 more babies. Since a picture of, or comments by her were unavailable we were left to decide by ourselves where we stood on this issue using only our prejudices as our guide. Which of these females do you think is Suleman??:

If you said #4 then you were right.......I mean #2, so you can put those images of a backwards, peasanty, hijab wearing, woman back in the racist drawer where they belong ! (over there, next to the pantry of iniquity)

She finally gave an interview a few days ago. If you missed it here you go: http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=28485500

Listen and judge for yourselves.....the $165,000 settlement she received from Workman's Comp apparently went for collagen injections in her lips...how she navigates through the rest of her life is anyone's guess. How she breast feeds the little one's is a subject I've been worrying about and I may be able to help, thanks to my friends at Wet Nurses Without Borders.

The wet nurse......no , not that kind of wet nurse you losers (you know who you are!!) practices a time honored tradition that in the west was commonly used by royalty, who had too many babies to take care of themselves. As a result, breast feeding came to be looked upon as something poor people did. Now that the health benefits of mother's milk are beyond question finding a real wet nurse is more difficult...this is where WNWB comes in. Buxom young women in the prime of life volunteer their services for the greater good and those like Nadya Suleman will surely benefit. Failing that there's option B: the Milk Bank. Only one such supplier exists in Canada, out West I believe, which means that the time is ripe for someone...maybe me, to open my own. I think I'm the right man for the job, after all, the prudes at FaceBook recently censored a page that featured breast feeding mother's with exposed boobies. This prompted me, apalled as I was, to start the group "Very Immature Men for the Right of Lactating Women to Bare Their Breasts"

I'll hold milk drives, Red Cross style, and be on hand to oversee the operation, even pitching in with the extraction should need be.. Great plan eh?? I'll get to work 1st thing tomorrow but now it's probably a good idea to sleep on it. G'Night all.....

How Low Can You Go??

Say it ain't so Michael Phelps. The American olympic wunderkind is all over the news of late with the recently released photo of him and a bong of some sort, allegedly used for the purpose of inhaling marijuana. His gold medal haul made him an instant international idol to adults as well as legions of kids and now his millions of dollars worth of endorsement deals appear to be in jeopardy. No....not because of a harmless toke, that actually shows that he's cool, according to most ad execs The Blob was able to contact.

My sources at the British rag; News of the World, have sent me tomorrow's front page and it's a doozie!! Apparently the college party Phelps was attending had more than its fair share of marching band geeks and the swimming star, blitzed out of his mind, grabbed a euphonium (possibly a baritone...at press time this was still unclear) and made a complete fool of himself.

He already has a look that some say is a bit doofusy and paired with one of the more lame instruments.....well....companies have been jumping off the Phelps band wagon like fleas off a flaming vole.

He has already issued a statement fresh on the heels of yesterday's grass related one and here it is, reprinted for readers of The Blob:

"I admitted yesterday that my marijuana use was a youthful mistake and will not be repeated, unfortunately the same cannot be said for my ill conceived use of a euphonium. In what amounts to a complete lapse in judgement and good taste I now realize that I have let down so many and may have done irreparable damage to my marketable image as a cool, wildly successful, olympian.

I suppose I could blame the whole unfortunate episode on a childhood marred by sexual abuse and alcoholic parents but this would be too easy. Something else is at play here and I will take the next several months to do some serious soul searching before I am ready to return to the public spotlight. Tomorrow you will see a picture of me playing a euphonium and you will

thing that I'm a gigantic dork. I understand...please forgive me."

Rebusing on a Sunday Afternoon

It's time once again for some rebuses (rebi?) and as always there will be prizes galore for our clever winner. Some of the clues are a tad esoteric but over all these should be a snap. Let's get going then:

It's fun for you and time consuming for me which helps keep me from focusing on the miseries of human existence...enjoy!!

Past winners have included the mayor of Red Deer, Al, young Jeremy Bouw and even younger basement dweller Troy Huber. Good Luck!!