Monk See - Monk Duel

True story: Back in 1971 my folks took my brother and me to Israel. One of our stops brought us to one of Christendom's most sacred sites, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. The place is a claustrophobe's nightmare, reeking of antiquity, the dank stones and crumbling masonry of the entryway were less than inviting, so we decided to stay outside as my parents grabbed a tour guide and disappeared through the narrow doorway.

Ornately clad holy men and heavily armed militia patrolled the area (how Isrealish is that??!!??) as my bro and I looked covetously at the lone chair and then back again at each other. He broke first and I made a mad dash immediately...I grabbed a shoulder, he elbowed my face, within seconds we were a tangled mass of pre-pubescent flesh rolling and flailing away, supposedly on the very ground where Jesus was buried and resurrected!!

A Greek Orthodox monk seperated us just as our horrified parents emerged from the church

Little did we realize that our tussle was merely one in a series that has continued sporadically for centuries and indeed, to this very day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snpeMkBip6U

Check out the beautifully executed "falling crucifix" full body slam, (12 seconds) the signature move of Father Anasthasious "the Meathook" Christopoulos and then watch as he more than lives up to his nickname at 30 seconds with a vicious left to the chin of Father Hadar "the Springform Pan" Tarkmanian.

A little research reveals that in order to achieve peace, an arrangement called "the status quo" was reached in 1852 that split church duties, privileges, and designated areas, between the various denominations. True to the human spirit and especially where questions of religion are involved, this solved nothing. Check out this wikipedia quote: "Establishment of the status quo did not halt the violence, which continues to break out every so often even in modern times. On a hot summer day in 2002, the Coptic monk who is stationed on the roof to express Coptic claims to the Ethiopian territory there moved his chair from its agreed spot into the shade. This was interpreted as a hostile move by the Ethiopians, and eleven were hospitalized after the resulting fracas."

Indeed, the place is in bad need of renovations but since all groups must agree almost nothing gets done. A ladder placed above the entrance in the 1800's remains there to this day (I swear!!)

No one denomination controls the entrance way but in 1192, Saladin, in his infinite wisdom assigned responsibility to two nearby Muslim families...twice each day, a Joudeh family member brings the key to the door, which is locked and unlocked by a Nusseibeh. Problem solved!!

This next video is also very special and no....it's not hi-lites from PyroCon-2006, the annual convention that brings together pyrotechnicians, fire safety experts, arsonists, and pyromaniacs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ys8hNr7BZ70 It's actually footage of Christianity's longest running miracle, that of the "Holy Fire": a flame that spontaneously combusts (yet will not burn human flesh) and that does so on the day before Orthodox Easter every year, or at least as so documented since 1106.

Watch as the devout pass their hands through the flames (pulling them away just before they get singed, as fate would have it) and don't let yourself be fooled by tales of white phosphorous. It's readily available in the area and magicians knew of it's ability to ignite when combined with air even back in biblical times. Adding a solvent can delay the reaction by up to half an hour but still...it's a miracle!! Let's not rain on anyone's parade.

As this video attests, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre is a place where, even at the best of times, emotions run high and the suspension of rational thought is an obligation. Hopes of a peaceful rapprochement appeared slim after yesterday's uproar but UFC (ultimate fighting championship) president Dana White has waded into the fray and may have come up with a solution. If all sides can agree then the various disputes can be settled with sanctioned cage matches and all Pay Per View profits will be distributed evenly. White said that he will even spring for the cage.
"The region has a long history of hand to hand combat" said the former Vegas bellhop with a wistful lilt to his voice, "Maybe UFC is finally the way towards peace in the Holy land!"