Search This Blog

Monday, December 08, 2008

Explicking the Inexplicable

From the office of Her Excellency the Right Honourable Michaëlle Jean, Governor General of Canada

Dear Blob,
Something just happened and I'm still not sure what. One day I'm a figurehead (some would say the "hottest" political figurehead ever!) and the next thing you know I'm whisked away from my usual routine of international travel, ribbon cutting, gala dinners and handing out medals and awards...whisked away I say, and forced to return to Ottawa to decide a constitutional crisis. After more than an hour alone in chambers with Prime Minister Harper I opted for prorogation(?) but I'm still not exactly sure what that is. Blob...did I do the right thing??
Also, I'll be in Montreal for a puck dropping ceremony (or some such thing). No matter how hard I try I can't forget that fabulous weekend we spend some years ago...any chance of a do over?
Mickey J wonderful to hear from you once again. I must begin by saying in all honesty that the jury is still out on whether or not you're the hottest GG in our nation's history. The extremely handsome Lord Tweedsmuir caused quite the stir during his tenure in the late 30's and many a wealthy Canadian socialite fell under his amorous spell.

A note from the management: The following half of this post was initially lost due to a technical malfunction and what you will read hence has been painstakingly reconstituted from hazy recollections and fragmentary shards of memory. This has taken a considerable emotional toll on the author.

Don't count me among those in his camp though....I still find you way more attractive (way!)

Now, about your question.

  • Economic crisis hits yet minority government seems reluctant to make any dynamic moves.

  • Prime Minister Harper decides to save a few bucks with some hard ball politics; vows to slash a vital source of funding for the already financially strapped, leftist, arts loving, opposition thereby increasing the likelyhood of a majority next time around.

  • "Not so fast!" say the 3 opposition leaders who threaten to topple the government and form a coalition.(Dion- see: post-nasal drip, Layton-Pinko, Duceppe-separatist....yes, separatist)

  • This Michaelle, was where you were brought in.

If any good has come of this it is that we have become acquainted with the word PROROGUE, sourced etymologically by Webster's as: PRO - 1866, shortening of professional and ROGUE -
An unprincipled, deceitful, and unreliable person; a scoundrel or rascal.

...a more than adequate synonym for our Prime Minister but today used to mean putting the government on hold. By opting for prorogation you've more or less butted out and allowed for a little breathing room for all parties concerned. Countries such as Israel are routinely run by coalitions and they end up with a small ultra-orthodox religious party called Shas wielding the balance of power. We don't need Gilles Duceppe and the quasi-religious Shas Quebecois calling the shots here so thanks Mickey, for doing the right thing. Seeing you leap into action like that, even though plagued by uncertainty, kind of got me reminiscing.

Why not give me a call when you're in town. Let's form a coalition of our own....for old time's sake.


Lt. Col. Bonemikester (retired) said...

As Honorary Commander-in-Chief of "The Queen's Own" Loyal Household Guard of Mounted Euphoniums, I have but one thing to say to you, you scoundrel!!

You should be horse-whipped!!!

You, sir, are a snivelling, cowardly blackguard!! Why, you're not fit to lick the Governor General's boot-laces!! And yet you have the temerity to imply that you have had an intimate relationship with The G.G.!?!?!? Outrageous!!! Absurd!!!

I assure you; Lord Tweedsmuir was, and most assuredly still is, a cultured and erudite man who would most certainly not "pal around" with riff-raff the likes of which you seem to represent, you scalawag!!! He is, and always has been a very discerning Man's Man (don't ask me how I know....), if you know what I mean!! Most certainly; he would not give "the time of day" to a guttersnipe such as yourself, you scurrilous reprobate!!!

I say; I've half a mind to send a stiff letter to The Times!!

Yours Sincerely, Lt. Col. Bonemikester (retired)

Tobias Funke said...

Hi Ho, Blobbie!

Ha! Ha! That was me! Lt. Col. Bonemikester was me!! Yes!! Ha! Ha! What do you think?? "Oh, I say!!" Ha! Ha!

It was an assignment for Mr. Carl Weather's "British Acting Method for American Actors" course I'm taking (I got an B+!!).........oh, Blobbie, you should hear Carl do "to be or not to be"..........frissons all round!!!!!!! Douche Chill!!!! NOT!!!!!!!

Anyhoo, Blobeleh, speaking of boot-lace-licking, any plans for Saturday night? That "horse-whipping thang sounds kind of interesting, n'est pas, mon cher Blobber (I can hear myself already......"we who are about to cry, salute you"!! Ha! Ha!, eh, ol' Blobbie??)???

Yer bosem pal (I wish!!!) Lt. Col.Tobias

Maria Callous said...


troy huber said...


Brevity, my man; brevity. It's the asshole of wit.

Your comments may not be funny, but if you kept
them short, well...they still might not be funny, but at
least there'd be less of them.
[look at me. I'm ugly, but I'm wee; therefore, less

Gotta go.


slapper58 said...

Nice try Huber.
I've been trying to tutor the BoneMikester in the ways of brevity for many months now to no avail. At this point his longwindedness has become somewhat of a trademark so I gave up a while ago and let him ramble on unopposed.
Did you really think that your little attempt would be successful?? Seems like a touch of huberis (get it?? huberis!!)

p.s. See Mikexxster, that's how it's done...a little humour and out. No lollygagging and precious little shilly-shallying.

p.s.s. I'll have to prorogue that horse-whipping get together you mentioned in the comment by your Tobias Funke alter ego.
I have a rendez vous with the Governor General. She's invited me over to her pied-a-terre to, as she coyly puts it, "clean her terrarium". Sounds promising...details later!!

Maria Callous said...

I have three words for you, Blob, you lazy bastard. T & A & E. Hellooo????

Party Bear said...

Dear Blobbers,

Please remember it take a village. It's not often one reads a truly witty opinion here (not your fault Blob; maybe if you were Jewish... but I saw you eating bacon, so that's out...) and I welcome each and every one of TobiaBoneywhathisname's inspired, cultured and carefully crafted posts. I also like when one can sum up the esprit of the moment in a single word, like little Maria C. can. I even enjoy the sharp (and self-deprecating) stab of Rickles junior. Let's all agree to get along-
It's a banquet, ladies! Enjoy it while it lasts!

troy huber said...

Party Bear,

No, you're wrong.


Party Bear said...

Now now...