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Saturday, December 20, 2008

Blobophile of the Year - 2008 Edition

It's hard to believe that another year has come and gone and that the holiday season is once again upon us. It's a special time with that heady blend of good cheer and masochism tinged by nostalgia for a simpler time when people hated each other a lot but nobody talked about it too much.
2008 was a momentous year around the world and here at The Blob it was an important and transitional period as well.
A regular contributor (Mama C.) turned me on to an on-line boggle type game and I ended up in rehab. The reins were handed over to a contest winner named Nan Wilkinson and the tone around here changed to the point where I had to cut short my stay and return to man the fort once again.

While I've not fully recovered (today, for instance, is not such a good day) and post frequency is way down, that shouldn't stop us from celebrating the 1st annual Blobophile of the Year award.

So many people graced these pages in 2008, either as contributors or subjects, that it was hard to make a final decision, but with the help of my editorial staff and the good folks at Tim Horton's (thanks for the extra crullers Saleema!!) we managed to close the deal during the wee hours of the morning.
Our policy is simple: The person or animal, real or fictional, who created the most buzz.
The short list came down to:
  • BoneMikester....that voice in the wilderness who with his many alter egos, sturdy British sensibilities, and flare for the language of Shakespeare, proved time and again that the study of euphonium in one's formative years should be encouraged.
  • Troy Huber with his acerbic lethargy.
  • Maria Callous who added a certain foul-mouthed, busty, drunkenness and always at the exact moment when we needed it most.
  • Turd Stuffington who is a dependable and stalwart champion of good
  • Nan Wilkinson; ditto
  • Barack Obama...(I'm hoping for an invitation to the inaugural ball)
We argued well into the night and when the dust settled we all agreed that there was, at the end, only one real choice.....a man who has battled adversity, faced down the naysayers and who will always remember 2008 and as a year of triumph. I proudly give you the new Blobophile of the Year!!

Bravo BoneMikester!!! Your prodigious accomplishments in the field of prodigiousness have provided ample fodder for posts and opinion and even as we go to press, thanks to you, a raging controversy stirs in the comment section. Tobias Funke would have to agree that whatever you write and no matter how concise or long-winded, you never fail to get a rise out of us (I meant; "make us have an erection" in a metaphorical sense.)

Congratulations again on your well deserved victory!!!!!!!!!


Bonemikexxster uber alles!!!!!!! said...

Blobbie! I'm absolutely overwhelmed!!!!! I'm blown away!!!! You like me!!!! You really like me!!!!

Just kidding........... of COURSE you like me; what's not to like (I know, right?????)????? COME ON!!!!!!!!!

But seriously, ol' Blobber, this award means a great deal to me... you know, though, this isn't just about's all about my Multiple Personality Disorder; it allows me to be me (US, really!!!)!!!

There are so many of me to thank...........Tobias Funke (of course!! Primus Inter Pares!!!), Lawrence of Arabia, Mike of Arabia, Sherlock Holmes, Shylock Holmes, Dreadlock( Home-Boy) Holmes, Bob Benchley, Bonedykster, Mikester der Maler, Mikexxxster Mac Wilson........I could go on, of course; but I'm very well aware that there are those among your audience impatient with, and/or incapable of absorbing a reasoned, logical argument, or even a well-constructed sentence.......(drooling mouth-breathers, each and every one........ if between the bunch of them, they had even half a brain, they would be embarassed...........what a bunch of arseholes!!!!)

So, on that happy note, and in conclusion, members of The Blob Academy, we thank you, with all humility, from the bottoms of (all!!!) our hearts!!!!!!!

(IN YOUR SUN-DEPRIVED, PIMPLY FACE, TROY HUBER ((Ha! Ha! Ha! Just kidding!!!!!(((not really!!!!!!!!!))))!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOSER!!!!!!!!!!

Maria Callous said...


I'm so fucking happy for yous guys. I hope ou and your remward will be very happy together, like. Oopss imeant award. ba111 hahahaha/1!!! l Don't give up ok. Thee stypoid idiots dont know good writing if it hit them of the ass with a gay paddle. and most of them love the gay paddles.... ehhhh tobias???!! wink wink nuglgge nugge. ....just kidding.... not reaaallly!! NOT REEEALLLY!!!!! me loves you. breaktfsadt??

Anonymous said...

Judging by the comparative drunkenness of Maria C. and Party Bear (emphasis on the Party) last night, I suspect P.B. wrote that last comment using Maria's name. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he simply forgot his name and typed in the first one that came to mind!

Big Mama C. said...

Bonemikexxster, et al, while I congratulate you on your award and am glad you'll be back (over and over) to give us your diverse "opinions", I can't help feeling slighted that my name wasn't even mentioned as a nominee!!! I'd like to know what The Blob is planning to do about that little oversight!


Mama C said...

Oh, BTW, I just want to state clearly that I have no idea who wrote in as Anonymous just three minutes before me. I guess there were two intelligent, gorgeous women up early after a party writing pithy comments. Coincidence, that is all.

troy huber said...


Congratulations [really]. I guess your logorrhea is good for something [say, garnering pity-based awards].
Your prose still isn't funny though. If you can tamp down the vitriol, I might consider helping you clean up your little comments before you post them. Let's talk when the swelling subsides.


I actually looked up the word "stypoid". Fool me once, and all that.


Nothing for now.


slapper58 said...

Troy Huber you should be ashamed of yourself!! Such harsh words and on Channukah eve yet.
In light of your ongoing feud with BoneMikester let's take a lesson from the hero,Judah the Maccabeeh and ask what he would have done with someone whom he disagreed. Sure...I can hear you all saying "he probably would have jabbed a spear through their eye" and maybe you're right...but still!!
Mikester as Blobophile of the Year may not be a choice that pleases everyone but if Yasser Arafat can win a friggin' Nobel than anything goes.
The BoneMikester, while less than gracious in victory, is a deserving stop bitching and do something about that vitamin D deficiency.

Mama C said...

I believe a duel, or at least the slapping of someone's face with a glove, is in our future here at the Blob. It's making me a little nervous, so I think I'll make myself scarce for a while; say, until after I see what Blob gets me for Xmas to make up for the lack of nominations.

slapper58 said...

Mama C (you big baby),
I'm sorry if you feel put out by your absence from the nomination process and indeed you've been a faithful contributor BUT may I remind you once again of the Blob policy and criteria used in choosing the short list of nominees, and I quote: "Our policy is simple: The person or animal, real or fictional, who created the most buzz. Your chosen role here is peacemaker, voice of reason, and amused observer and besides...the squeaky wheel gets the grease and no wheel has ever squeaked louder than the voluble BoneMikester. (that man sure could use a good oiling, right Tobias???)
If you want in on next year's balloting get with the program. It's not too early to start now!!

A little whine
A little kvetch
A shiny trophy
You shall fetch

Mrs. Cunningham said...

Hello, Blob!
I'm a little nervous, this being my first post and all....mainly, I must say, because I couldn't help but notice how snarky and downright persnickity some of your readers can be! My, oh my! For such a young man, this Troy Huber is quite a handful, isn't he? And Maria Callous surely needs some guidance (do you think that, perhaps, she "tipples", Blob? Surely not!))! Land o' Goshen!
My main point, though, is that I just don't understand what I'm hearing on the radio broadcasts these days (I gave up on the television recently because my stories ((you know, the soap-operas!)) are just too racey now!!........whatever happened to The Ed Sullivan Show, or Bonanza? Good, clean entertainment!! It was all so lovely then, wasn't it?))).
For Heaven's sake; what is a Fonzie scheme; and why is it so bad? Has it anything to do with my son Richie's friend, Arthur? I certainly hope not! Arthur's such a good boy!
Please, Blob! Put an elderly lady's mind at rest! God bless you!

Lenny said...

Dear Mrs. Cunningham,

Nice to hear from you. You were without a doubt one of the most attractive of my Mom's friends...

Mama C said...

I'll keep your guidance in mind for the coming year, Blob, and hope for a better result next time. Unfortunately, my personality is more or less set now and so are my talents, such as they are. Therefore, peacemaking and observing (with humour!) as you say, may be my lot in life. I know, since these are fictional awards (oh, should I have said that?), you could make up a new one that I have a chance in hell of winning! What do you say?

slapper58 said...

mama C,
Funny that you should mention it but I had a P.S. to my last comment ready to go when i decided to go to sleep instead. The gist of it was that yes indeed, you've won an award and really, it was no contest. Congratulations on being named, by acclamation, as this year's winner of The Blob "Enabler of the Year"!!!
Now stop whining and invite me to beat you again at scramble.