The Blob's Garden of Death

Mama Callous said...
I'm getting sick of opening up the Blob and seeing the nudie photos. Time for new subject matter, Blobby!

I have to agree with you Mom Callous and with that in mind I'd like to try my hand at a different type of subject matter while at the same time alerting my readers to a wonderful new blog; Vivian's Tranquil Garden http://viv-thetranquilgarden.blogspot.com/ If you like tranquility and gardens then this site is tailor made for you!

If on the other hand you are more like me, (I enjoy avoiding gardening year round!) then read on:

The Blob's Garden of Death

Well, another September is upon us and what a lovely time of year it is to sit out in my garden with a cup of warm herbal tea (for those cool mornings) or a glass of Bordeaux. It's a time to mull and reflect upon the season past. As Autumn looms I like to look around me, notice the signs of encroaching death that nature is providing and all the while scan the yard for the many signs of benign neglect and chores as yet undone.

Here is a photograph of my basil failures. This years planting has been co-opted by several spiders who keep the flies (most of them anyways) from birthing their young on the tender leaves. This also make for a very "webby" pesto...not for the faint of heart!

Here's a time saving tip I learnt this past summer. Basil comes in those little plastic things with dirt already in them...they are already planted so why bother re-planting them? (helllloooo) Simply plop them in last year's dead plant and then remove it upon it's own inevitable death to be replaced by next year's version. So simple, so elegant! (Time for a little more Bordeaux.)

Here is my decimated patch of rhubarb. I had to stand helplessly by and watch as hordes of Alsatian stink beetles laid waste to a once healthy crop. Nevertheless there is still the macabre beauty of the leaf hole patterns that are slowly killing the plants.

Still in the realm of the potentially edible are this summers big project; a new planting of raspberry bushes graciously donated by Nora, sister of Vivian, the very same Vivian of Tranquil garden fame!!

I followed all of her replanting instructions to the letter; not burying the "rootball" too deep, scattering compost (comprised mostly of Quebec Classique cigarette butts and other deader plants) in with the newly turned soil and still the plants seem to be withering and dying. I was so looking forward to full bushes heavy with fruit but how was I to know that watering every day actually meant every day!! I just figured it was like the dentist telling you to brush every day...who does that??? ??

Wow, how could that Bordeaux be finished alraedy!! (at least there's still a couple of Heinekens left in the fridge)

Here's another time and energy saver:

Do like I do and let your grass go to seed. I haven't mowed my lawn in a month and the way i look at it, it'll only come back stroinger next year once it self-plants itself or whatever the hel that word is. Amd so what if your loser neighbour has a poerfect lawn and a hot wife. there,s m ore to life than that and I bet the guy,s never finished a sunday times corssword puzzle in his life!! I can't even hear nyself think now with his damn lawn tractor amking all that noise..."Hey buddy!! wanna help with with my crossword puzzle?? 65 down, a four letter word for your wife...starts with C...hahahahah"

geez that was good one. But sertiously , he,sd a great guy!! OK later...time for a nap...