Trouble in Nerdsville

troy huber has left a new comment on your post "Alright Already!!":

Anus,

I know you're busy, and we should take whatever posts you give us, and that this one is funny and clever as always, BUT when the hell did you start writing in the voice of your readers' characters?
I honed the Troy Huber brand, I focus-grouped the SHIT out of it, spent months developing it. You can't just say "take it away Troy" and "be" Troy. I'M Troy.

Fuck you.

Troy

My response:

Taint,
I suppose I can understand your rage and sense of betrayal. After all, you did come up with the Troy Huber character, and then proceded to neglect him for months at a time. Pleas by myself and some of my most voluptuous and nubile young readers to "bring back Troy" have time and again fallen on deaf ears.
Of course, this is besides the point. Had you read the fine print on post 1, day 1 of The Blob (we were so young back then!!) perhaps you'd have spared me the bitter invective. http://slapper58.blogspot.com/2006/05/greetings-and-salutations.html
My lawyers assure me there is legal precedent (Letterman-NBC/Intellectual Property) so hows about we just agree to let bygones be bygones.

go bury a hatchet up your ass,
Blob

Funny how everything old is new again. This whole unfortunate episode with Troy reminds me of that legendary night back in the early 60's when the Rat Pack ruled the Vegas Strip and a drunken Peter Lawford got into a tiff with an even more besotted Dean Martin. The boozy crooner had just rammed Joey Bishop, head first, into a lamp post and then stabbed him in the neck with a complimentary Sands Hotel pen (later re-enacted by Joe Pesci in Casino) much to the raucous amusement of the other bad boys.

Lawford was the only one to take exception and immediately called Martin "the asshole of the Rat Pack" which led to the now famous reply "Maybe so, but If I'm the asshole, you're the taint!!" (editor's note: taint refers to the region between genitalia and anus i.e. it taint one nor the other)

Much martini fueled hilarity ensued. Sinatra grabbed a sheet of paper, scribbled down a few lyrics and dashed off to Nelson Riddle's room, interrupting his customary 4 p.m. "nap" and shooing out the showgirls.

A tune was banged out on the piano, an arrangement hastily conceived, and music was ready on the bandstand for the 11 o'clock 2nd set.

So...Troy calls me an anus, I call him a taint, and like I said, everything old is new again.
Here with thanks to the Nelson Riddle Humantarian Foundation is a bit of the infamous song: (a tad on the blue side...kids should leave the room)


I'm an Asshole - (You're the Taint) F. Sinatra - N. Riddle
(medium swing)

I'm an asshole, you're the taint
I'm so useful, you're so ain't
Without me the world would suck
Nowhere to shit from 'n' one less thing to fuck!


( extended trombone solo)


You're a bit of useless skin
nuthin out and nuthin in
From you I get no sensation
You're the bridge 'n' I'm the destination


(trombone section soli)


Let's agree to disagree
You can't crap and you can't pee
Can't get laid, it's plain to see
All in all, I'd rather be me!!


(segue to Sammy Davis: "I Gotta be Me")

Alright Already!!

The Blob has been experiencing a noticeable dearth of posts of late, possibly due to the convergence of solar flares, solstice related depression and my moratorium in protest of the tiny stickers they put on individual pieces of fruit.
More likely still is the fact that of late I have been experiencing the joys, agonies, and absurdities of the dating world in all their time consuming glory!
What to do then...leave my loyal readership in the lurch (how can I do that to such a nice guy anyways??!!) as I pursue my own interests or find a compromise position where I can experience the thrill of dating without any of the messy inconvenience. Cue my old pal Troy Huber and his latest business venture. Take it away Troy:

We all aspire to hot babes even as we languish comfortably in our parents' basements. There are so many good shows, so little time. DVDs to catch up on, don't even get me started on comics yet unread, and many as yet unfinished PlayStation 3 projects (exploring the mythical land of Tamriel in Elder Scrolls IV for instance...danger around every norklak!!!) So what of the babes and of "getting out there"?? Of course with computer dating many opportunities are today, merely a click away. But to paraphrase SpiderMan "with great opportunity comes great responsibility" so setting up a date involves getting washed and dressed and actually facing the dreaded spectre of rejection. As far as fear goes, battling Mordleegs in the time dungeon pales in comparison!!
Then it came to me, what if I set up a date with a woman so hot, so unattainable, that I could back out at the last minute fully confident that it was the right thing to have done, and what if I set up a site for the millions of guys like me to have and miss the same impossible opportunity!!!??

And so was born my next business venture: Intimi-Date. Simply fill out your profile and peruse the hundreds of women that we match you with...all laughably and completely out of reach. The rest we leave up to you!!!!