By now you've no doubt familiarized yourself with the sordid details of the downfall of NY Governor Eliot Spitzer, the law and order, take no prisoners, self-styled Sheriff of Wall Street. Yet another in an ever growing rogues gallery of high powered hypocrites who threaten to turn all skeptics into cynics with a mere wave and waggle of their magic, uncontrollable wands.
Whether closeted (or in Larry Craig's case bathroom stalled) gay men, quasi-pedophiles, or good old fashioned whoremongers they all have something in common. As TV talking heads scramble wildly to answer the question "Why?" leave it to Dr. Laura Schlessinger to emerge as the lone voice of reason, the beacon of wisdom amidst a sea of misguided conjecture. I urge to you to watch this clip and then read on (go ahead, I have a couple of calls to make and I may even make a pitstop in crapsville if you know what I mean)http://jezebel.com/366283/yeah-we-know-dr-laura-schlessinger-is-full-of-shit
OK, everybody ready? Let's continue then.
Sure, each and every one of these guys gets caught with their pants down and then gives a contrite but somewhat defiant statement at a hastily held press conference. Their wives become props, trotted out to symbolize the enduring sanctity of the family during a time of siege and designed to buy their husbands more time as they desperately try to figure out if they can hang on to power and the perks that come with it (hookers, unlimited congressional pages, unlimited soda pop refills at all Washington area Arby's etc.).
All of us who've been privy to these humiliating spectacles end up feeling sorry for the wives but listen to Dr. Laura...these gals married up and hitched their wagons to political rising starts. They all knew what they were getting into and have only themselves to blame if they no longer can provide for the needs of their men.
Mrs. Spitzer, when's the last time you removed your husbands diaper and allowed yourself to be repeatedly sodomized while reciting his latest piece of anti-crime legislation? Mrs. Craig you never did get that strap-on like you promised you would and Mrs. McGreevey, would a little sex change operation have killed you?? These days it's not enough to stand by your man. Dr. Laura says you have to kneel.
In closing the real identity of Spitzer's prostitute has been revealed and it's 22 year old Ashley Alexandra Dupré, a would be singer who's making a couple of thou a pop doing strangers while she waits on a recording contract. As a Blob service I tried to download a naked photo but there are none to be found on the entire internet!! (the best I could do was a blurry bikini pic) As luck would have it there are many nude shots of Dr. Laura when she was about the same age and giving it away to losers for free....ahhh, the folly o
f youth.
f youth.
5 comments:
I understand that men might cheat because there something is missing from their marriage. But for FUCK'S sake, why don't you try FIXING what's wrong with your marriage before devasting your wife and family. If your not happy, do something about it. A quick fuck in an alley for a thousand bucks is NOT gonna make it better. It can only make it worse. This is probably why women don't cheat as much: sex with a stranger is never as good as with someone you've been having sex with for years. God men are bastards. And people ask me why I don't trust men. All the men in my family with the exception of my dad are relationship scumbags. If my dad was a cheating asshole, I think I'd be a lesbian (stop picturing it Mike!). Maybe some women are assholes with their husbands, but most women I know try their fucking hardest to please their boyfriends. And if their men are irresponsible wandering-eyed fuckwit pissants then it's obviously not worth all the effort. Maybe Dr. Laura Schtuppenhauser's moral should be; men are pigs. Women are bitches. We should all just be gay. The sex would be so much better too.
Ok, here it goes:
Mrs. Spitzer was a bit of a bore
So her husband soon lusted for more
His testosterone fill
Soon managed to spill
All over the back of his whore
Yours in estrogen,
Callous
Dear Maria,
Before going off on a rant and assailing me for my expert opinion you should perhaps read one of my many books dealing with the issue of infidelity. Why not start with "100 Things Women do to Ruin Their Marriages", "100 Things you Can do to Keep Your Man at Home", "The Geisha Diet", "How to Satisfy Your Husband" (formerly titled Shut up and Kneel) and at least 8 other of my more than 70 books that deal directly with the topic.
Women who marry powerful, busy men should wise up and realize that "fixing what's wrong with their marriage" as you so idealistically put it requires a lot more time and energy than these guys can afford to waste. The easiest solution for those who can afford it is a prostitute; no questions asked, no emotional involvement, and willing to bend over backwards to please(although that move usually costs a little more).
Gov. Spitzer was only looking for a little excitement and stress relief devoid of nagging and whiny tales of broken furnaces or the kid's problems at school. Add all that to a rough day at the office and then try to perform sexually...it just doesn't add up!!
And who are YOU to tell this Mike fellow what to pîcture or not. I would never presume to tell the men in my life what to fantasize about especially after I planted the seeds so to speak. Nor should you presume my "moral" which is in fact: "Men are misunderstood, we women should try harder to please, gays should try electro-shock therapy (it worked really well for my son before the unfortunate suicide), buy my books,the world would be a better place."
Tit for tat:
Maria,so bitter and cranky
Should pay heed to this wizened, old Yankee
Don't be such a lez
Just do what he says
Or he'll only make love to his hanky!
dogmatically yours,
Dr. Laura S.
Bravo Maria and furthermore "you go girl"!!!
You've faced a fear that many women have of using the C word but you did it in a succinct and appropriate fashion (boy, did that Dr. Laura ever deserve it too!!).
As former Expos manager Gene Mauch used to say at his fabled post-game press conferences: "A word for every occasion, an occasion for every word...now leave me the fuck alone!!!"
Dear Maria,
I hope you are not paying $1000 for "a f@#$ in an alley". If you are, talk to me, I could get you a much better deal, you are getting hosed, as it were.
Yours in Christ.
Dixxx
Oy!
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