Hell on Earth

One day after a post in the comment section detailing nazi orgies in Hades comes news of another powerful man and his mind blowingly wild sexual proclivities...and talk about a coincidence!!! This story is so complete that for once I have little if nothing to add. Simply click on this link and have a great read. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/080331/world/britain_jews_auto_prix_mosley_1

Leave it to Cleavage

As the faithful are well aware I shy away from personal anecdotes but this one is directly responsible for inspiring the main body of this post so away we go!

The other night I was in the orchestra pit during the intermission of an opera gig. I'd arranged on this very site to have regular contributor UnderworldPrincess (08!) come on down and say hi. That she did as she leaned deeply over the balustrade in a low cut top to engage me in conversation and ask where Satan (the big man as she called him) was. Being ever the gentleman and before my section mate Karl could have a coronary I quickly cut the talking short and told her I'd come up to say hello (he later reproached me for this).

Later that evening in a phonecall to my GF she confirmed what I'd suspected; that women do this sort of thing on purpose but now UnderworldPrincess contends that she simply forgot that she was flashing her wares. I'll take her word for it even though I'm a bit sceptical but if it's true then it's a pity that more young women in their prime aren't similarly forgetful. It's been said that youth is wasted on the young...there's also a case to be made for forgetfulness being wasted on the elderly.

Anyways, what should come across my desk this morning but yet another request from a company to advertise here on The Blob. For a small fee I've agreed to help them out:

For millenia now women have used their physical attributes to get what they want in practically all areas of day to day life. It probably didn't take even the stupidest cavewoman very long to realize that she had something that could turn even the strongest caveman into a begging idiot (until he clubbed her over the head and dragged her off by the hair to do whatever it was he wanted to do in the 1st place).

Now that we are somewhat more civilized women's sexual power is even greater and yet something in the marketing department seems to be lacking. Taking a cue from the grocery industry we at Asset Display Technologies have developed a revolutionary product designed to help today's woman maximize her attributes without appearing overly whorish. Take a look at this typical scene from your local produce section:

Without being too obvious your local grocer has used special lighting and occasionally a fine spray of fresh, cold water to make these ripe melons appear that much more succulent and appealing.

Here at ADT we've taken the very same technology, shrunken it way down, and embedded the entire unit under the brim of a chic, designer style baseball cap (available in black, pink, and white) which is well suited for anything , from a night of clubbing to a brisk walk in the park.

It's a fun and fabulous way to emphasize your charms and our spokeswoman Lindsay Lohan swears by it; "I've never felt more confident then I do when I wear the "Rack Light" Cleavage Display System. Wherever I go it's like I'm on a soundstage only I get to call the shots!!"

Thanks Lindsay...here at ADT we couldn't agree with you more. The hat was designed with together young women of today in mind....women just like you!!!

Order your "Rack Light" cap today through The Blob gear department and be the first babe on your block to be putting your absolutely best face forward!!*

*WARNING: they probably won't be looking at your face.

The Blob Manifesto

And so...my week long voyage of self discovery has led me to this point and to this manifesto. I'm all grown up for heaven's sakes...I can do as I please and it was my readers and especially the plaintiff voice of a young girl, at 22 young enough to be my daughter, that made me see the error of my ways. As I struggled with the potential disapproval of my parents it was she in her comment section alter egos who filled my head with such compelling imagery (ahh the creativity of youth!!) that my path became illuminated as though by a pair of celestial headlights (set on high beam noch besser!!).

I now consider myself a better man for having gone through this ordeal.

"Go now my son, but remember this; The destination is of little value if the journey itself is not cherished....and on your way back can you bring me a diet coke??"

-Lao Tze

Monkey Ex Machina

Thank you Dixxx for sending this fabulous video my way. Funny and clever yes, but more importantly it will give The Blob readership and me ground floor entry to a new turn of phrase that will no doubt enjoy common usage within a short time.
The "Trunk Monkey" as evidenced by the clip is the driver's best friend, capable of resolving any tricky situation. Not only is it easy and fun to say but it's competition: Deus ex Machina is an ancient, elitist, and ungainly mouthful.
In Greek and Roman drama, they used a god lowered by stage machinery to resolve a plot or extricate the protagonist from a difficult situation. Today we use a monkey, not to denigrate God (don't the Hindus have a monkey God anyways??) but because it's funny. No blasphemy intended Dad!!
As somewhat of an amateur lexicographer I find it rather exciting to bear witness to the birth of a new idiomatic expression but that's just me. Now we will never be confused as to the origins of Trunk Monkey and a decade from now can pontificate knowingly at cocktail parties when the topic arises.
Having just used the expression "bear witness" (which I believe originated from the Goldilocks story) leads me to ponder on the genesis of other common animal related turns of phrase.

• A "dog and pony show" now means a pathetically contrived or overly intricate presentation, put on for purposes of gaining approval for a program or policy. It used to be an actual small travelling circus featuring dogs and ponies!!
• Someone who's been "Cold cocked" has been rendered unconscious by a sharp and unexpected blow to the head. The actual origin of the phrase is unclear but many (not me though!!) think that it has something to do with Eskimo sex.
• "Bitch Slapped" is also controversial with Wikipedia offering up 3 possible explanations. I always believed it to have been associated, at it's inception, with the Pimp/Ho relationship and I still think that's the most valid. Currently there is no accepted tie-in with female dogs.
• "Cat Fight" on the other hand has everything to do with cats but now means a scratching and hair pulling brawl usually involving two women who ideally end up at least 1/2 naked and in suggestive positions (see: upper chest straddle) . These often occur in prison yards and communal showers or in girl's dormitory locker rooms. True to Blob tradition a video link dedicated to catfighting is up and coming (don't worry guys) although with the new policy it will be parent friendly. It has some of the most exciting fight music ever written....I hope you enjoy it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NJQvswrSPg

New Directions (and NO...I didn't say "Nude Erections!!")....sorry Mother

I've been laying low for a couple of days and have taken Troy Huber up on his generous offer. I've been toying with the idea of turning The Blob into a more family oriented site that any parent would be proud of or at least not ashamed that their son was some sort of perverted loser.... (whatever). If you missed the Huber offer in the comment section here it is reprinted in full:

Blob,

You can crash at my place if things are tense over there - my folks are in Florida for a week. [and Ican totally relate to what you're going through;my dad found my stash of porn last year, and I was grounded for three weeks!] Sick!

Anyway, you can have the couch in the den. There's a TV with cable, and my aunt [who's staying with me until my parents come home] hardly ever goes in that room. Sick!

Troy [Huber]

The accomodations are comfortable enough and Troy is an avid hockey fan so we have what to talk about (notice the vintage Sheldon Kannegiesser poster on the wall from his Pittsburgh Penguin days) .

I have enough privacy to do the required soul searching while I hide from my parents and there seems to be an endless supply of cereal and juice.

I think I'm gonna be okay...maybe I can turn this into a home improvement site...nah, I'm no good at improving homes. But I'll think of something I will!!! You mark my words.

Oh yeah...Troy and I have been doing some wrestling WWF style but from back in the day when it was good (and possibly real). Don Leo Jonathan, Abdullah the Butcher, Killer Kowalski etc.

Yesterday we re-enacted the fight scene from Amok Time (from the original and only real Star Trek series). It has some of the best fight music ever and was so exciting that I almost soiled myself (I sort of did actually)

Take a look:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyhhFzE5O5U

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

ED. NOTE: We are presently experiencing am emergency situation here at The Blob. His parents have stumbled upon this site and he's gone into hiding (the linen closet if you must know but don't tell him I told you!!)
The head office is in an uproar with staffers scurrying about in a panic, shredding incriminating documents, and turning to the very God who they've helped mock for the better part of two years now.
Apparently The Blob could be shut down for good at any moment and at the very least a change of tone and content to more mature, family friendly fare is imminent.
Stay tuned for updates as we will endeavour to keep all of our faithful readers abreast of the situation (we use the word abreast as intended, not as some juvenile, mammary related double entendre as may have been the case before Mom and Dad got involved).
This is a serious crisis and any input would be most appreciated. Until further notice please enjoy the following video clips and hey... they're G rated so invite the kids!!!
Pay special attention to the very end of clip #3.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye3ecDYxOkg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i48BP1PUoFI&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFmSv2WFDrs&feature=related

Thanks again to all our faithful supporters. It's been a hell(sorry)...a heck of a ride!!

T and A (and E)

Maria Callous said...

"Blob, I have three things to say to you: Tits, ass, and euphonium. Better luck next time."

Mikexxster (masquerading as some Arab guy) said...

"More tits!!! More ass!!! More euphonium (whatever that may be!!)!!!!"

Once again a couple of Blob regular commenters have turned against me after an educational and thought provoking post. I suppose this is the way of the world and try as I do to maintain a lofty tone around here I keep getting pulled back into the morass by people who want...well.... more ass!

I recently commissioned a study about my readership and it turns out that they can be divided into two main groups:

a) those who are having sex

and

b) those who are not

The two contributors in question are looking to The Blob for titillation but until the numbers are crunched and the data comes back I can't say for sure which group they belong two....any guesses??

I suppose it's time to cave yet again so without further ado I give you another installment of Tits, Ass, and Euphonium....see if you can guess which is which!!

Hope Springs Anew in the Middle East

Here In Montreal the giant slush puddles merely hint at what waits in store for us with the spring thaw. Meanwhile, thousands of miles away the death of Farfur, the Mickey Mouse look alike, Palestinian propaganda mouse seemed a promising sign of a thaw in relations between Arabs and Israeli Jews.

For those of you not familiar with this story, Farfur was a popular, patriotic (and by extension anti-semitic) character on a Hamas kid's show until Walt Disney and a host of others got upset and demanded his ouster.

That this request was complied with was a positive sign. Could the producers be admitting that they stepped over the line??? Could this point the way towards some sort of level headed reconcilliation between the two sides???? My hopes were dashed when I came across the video clip up top earlier this morning. They got rid of Farfur alright but maybe the concept was a tad heavy handed for the Sesame Street set. On the other hand suicide bombers don't grow on trees and most psychologists agree that children are most susceptible to martyrhood indoctrination between the ages of 3 and 8.

Anyways, with Farfur gone I was hoping (ever the cockeyed optimist!) that his replacement would be an original and more peace loving, kid friendly creature. My sources on the West Bank tell me no such luck. The region is doomed!!

Soft Focus on Canada

It's high time The Blob spent some time in the homeland what with all the recent posts about US politics and sex scandals, boring Irish history and that strange Amazonian fish that burrows into your urethra, lays its eggs, steals your wallet, and leaves through an eye. (ed. note: That last one may have been a Discovery Channel inspired dream)

I'm supposed to be luxuriating in the Turks and Caicos right now but work responsibilities forced me to cancel. One night of playing drumset at a benefit dinner, 10 all expenses paid days on an island paradise and I chose Canada. Sure the decision was largely (only) mercenary but it did give me pause to sit back and reflect on this wonderful, affable, land of ours.


Wasn't it Voltaire who famously stated:
"Canada, a country covered with snows and ices eight months of the year, inhabited by barbarians, bears and beavers." Indeed it was he and while we've successfully dealt with the barbarian problem the rest of the description is spot on!!

It was probably an oversight but Voltaire could and should have included the moose, a stalwart symbol of Northern pride and strength. Like Canada the moose wants no trouble but won't back down if challenged...except of course during rutting season. Take a look at this sorry specimen who picked a fight with a power line, got its antlers entangled and was then winched up 60 feet as workers a mile away pulled the cable. That's an unretouched photo of a very unfortunate creature but more unfortunate still is this deer and the most spectaculary miscalculated jump in the history of mammals.




















When I was a cartoon loving kid S and M used to stand for squirrel and moose, as the evil Boris Badunov used to refer to Rocky and Bullwinkle, but for one lonely, kinky, Canadian woodsman S & M with moose has taken on a whole new meaning:



......I'm sorry....this was supposed to be a post about Canada and I've gotten off on some weird tangent about moose and deer. And I might as well confess that the power cable photo isn't even Canadian, it's from Alaska. (OK, OK, the deer pic is from Wyoming)
I tried, I swear I did!! I wanted to come up with some interesting Canadiana. I had a clever take on my 13-0 losing streak in the Tim Horton's Roll Up the Rim to Win contest but then just yesterday I won a fucking doughnut. What can I say; we have patronage scandals,(whatever the hell those are!!) the US has hot 22 year old hookers and anonymous gay bathroom sex.
We're proud of an appendage we built for the space shuttle...guess who built the space shuttle.
To be fair though, that was a Canadian moose humping that buffalo sculpture at the top of this post. That's one stupid-ass moose!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acO5l3avz9g

St. Patrick's Day Tribute!!

It's been said that on St. Patty's day everybody is Irish......that's right; Africans, Jews, Serbs, you name it, all Irish whether they like it or not. The Irish somehow ended up with drunkenness and brawling as their culture's stereotypical behavior while we Jews lucked out and got studiousness and business acumen. Still, for one day a year I'll gladly fight ye and the rest o' yer family fer the next pint o' green ale!!

It's all in good fun so here in Quebec while a lunatic fringe of French speaking ethnic cleansers tries to stir up trouble by claiming that the festivities are too "English" the rest of us will be pukin' green come dawn. http://www.canada.com/victoriatimescolonist/news/story.html?id=47ca8a4f-4803-4085-8e46-8f6db39dcd5b

As you tuck in to your boiled meats, potatoes and cabbages perhaps a little mealtime story would be appreciated and in this case a true story about the birth of the unique and doofusy style of Irish step dancing.

It seems that way back in the 16th century a young millworker name of Fynn O'Hahaghanie (pronounced O'Ghahnagahey) drank himself into a stupor almost every day to dull the pain of his boring existence on the Emerald Isle. One fateful morn there was a serious alcohol induced accident involving a horse and an unspecified farm implement (the details remain shrouded in mystery) and Fynn suffered severe nerve damage that rendered his arms numb and hanging limply at his sides. This was way before the invention of occupational therapy so Fynn upped his daily quotient of ale and cleverly learned to use his feet to open, hold, and pour the flasks. He lost his job because as a pretty much armless lad, he was no longer of any use to the mill owner (his loving father Reamus O'Hahaghanie).

To make ends meet Fynn would beg for change in the town center until one mournful day when he was beaten soundly about the head and robbed by some roving hooligans. Now some say the epiliptic-like spasms that this head trauma brought on were a curse but with his now nimble legs a'flailin' and his arms a'danglin' Fynn looked for all the world like the best dancer in all of Ireland!!

People came from far and wide to marvel at his skills and it wasn't too long before they were all copying him too. Centuries later they're still at it and now you know why!!


THE END








Great story eh??? Now...if only someone would pull the plug on that Michael Flatley guy.

In closing here are two versions of the famous Irish folk tune "Dear Old Donegal"
The first in its traditional setting but sung by animated super heroes and the 2nd in the more popular Jewish version.
Drive safely!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrnNYea9m0g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BZt0pl8Lws

Voices of Reason

By now you've no doubt familiarized yourself with the sordid details of the downfall of NY Governor Eliot Spitzer, the law and order, take no prisoners, self-styled Sheriff of Wall Street. Yet another in an ever growing rogues gallery of high powered hypocrites who threaten to turn all skeptics into cynics with a mere wave and waggle of their magic, uncontrollable wands.

Whether closeted (or in Larry Craig's case bathroom stalled) gay men, quasi-pedophiles, or good old fashioned whoremongers they all have something in common. As TV talking heads scramble wildly to answer the question "Why?" leave it to Dr. Laura Schlessinger to emerge as the lone voice of reason, the beacon of wisdom amidst a sea of misguided conjecture. I urge to you to watch this clip and then read on (go ahead, I have a couple of calls to make and I may even make a pitstop in crapsville if you know what I mean)http://jezebel.com/366283/yeah-we-know-dr-laura-schlessinger-is-full-of-shit

OK, everybody ready? Let's continue then.

Sure, each and every one of these guys gets caught with their pants down and then gives a contrite but somewhat defiant statement at a hastily held press conference. Their wives become props, trotted out to symbolize the enduring sanctity of the family during a time of siege and designed to buy their husbands more time as they desperately try to figure out if they can hang on to power and the perks that come with it (hookers, unlimited congressional pages, unlimited soda pop refills at all Washington area Arby's etc.).

All of us who've been privy to these humiliating spectacles end up feeling sorry for the wives but listen to Dr. Laura...these gals married up and hitched their wagons to political rising starts. They all knew what they were getting into and have only themselves to blame if they no longer can provide for the needs of their men.

Mrs. Spitzer, when's the last time you removed your husbands diaper and allowed yourself to be repeatedly sodomized while reciting his latest piece of anti-crime legislation? Mrs. Craig you never did get that strap-on like you promised you would and Mrs. McGreevey, would a little sex change operation have killed you?? These days it's not enough to stand by your man. Dr. Laura says you have to kneel.

In closing the real identity of Spitzer's prostitute has been revealed and it's 22 year old Ashley Alexandra Dupré, a would be singer who's making a couple of thou a pop doing strangers while she waits on a recording contract. As a Blob service I tried to download a naked photo but there are none to be found on the entire internet!! (the best I could do was a blurry bikini pic) As luck would have it there are many nude shots of Dr. Laura when she was about the same age and giving it away to losers for free....ahhh, the folly of youth.

Its All Over!!! (major spoiler alert)

Editor's Note: We have a winner but if you still want to try your hand at figuring out this year's Rebus spectacular don't look in the comment section of today's earlier post.


Almost before it got under way the 2nd annual Blob Rebus Contest is over. Troy Huber, no stranger to this website, has proven once again that a keen mind and agonizing loneliness are a potent combination!!
When he received confirmation of his victory the Connecticut resident could barely contain his glee (or his saliva) and commented on what was a difficult but rewarding evening: "I was dealing with several variables and subsets of possible word/picture combinations. It was only when I decide to apply one of the Fisk algorithms that I achieved a breakthrough."
Asked about how it felt to own a Rocky mountain Huber was pragmatic; "Being an asthmatic I don't get out to the mountains that much so I've decided to do like other big prize winners and take my winnings in installments, one truck load a year shipped to my parents backyard until I die. My dad, Troy Huber Sr. thinks it's the right thing to do."
So congratulations and a jaunty tip of the hat to you Troy Huber on a well deserved victory. Better luck to the rest of you next year. (losers)

You love Rebus yes you do, cuz The Blob he told you to

Re·bus /ˈribəs/ [ree-buhs] –noun, plural -bus·es.
1. a representation of a word or phrase by pictures, symbols, etc., that suggest that word or phrase or its syllables: Two gates and a head is a rebus for Gateshead.

March 16th, 2007 approaches and as this year I'll be out of town on that date we might as well celebrate the 1st anniversary of The Blob Rebus Contest with another one today!!

Last year's winner, young Jeremy Bouw of Alberta, Canada has had a grand time tooling around the prairies in his brand new Lamborghini. This year the 1st correct entrant stands to win Mt. Rundle, that's right, your very own mountain in the fabulous Canadian Rockies courtesy of Parks and Wildlife Canada.

As mountains go Rundle is a real beauty and as an added bonus you get to keep the elk!!

Alright then, enough of this tomfoolery. Without further ado I present this year's rebus and remember the winner is the first correct entry received. This year's edition is considerably more difficult than last year's but this year's readership is also a year smarter so basically it's a wash. In the unlikely event of no one coming up with the right answer a clue will be forthcoming...oh yeah...the rebus. Here it is:

After the Apocalypse

The 29th storm of the winter slashed and clawed its way through Montreal and, as would a sabre toothed tiger, left the city dazed, bleeding, and clinging to life.

Even though I did a mid storm pre-shovel I expected to awake this morning to the prospect of yet another near coronary experience.

Digging out after a major snow dump is hard enough but my municipality compounds the pain by having plows come by and shove the stuff from the street into my driveway entrance forming a compacted, chest high wall of agony.

This morning though a small miracle was visited upon me...a snow blower, perhaps sent by the Lord himself (but more likely by the municipal public works dept.) came rumbling by spewing the snow into my yard thus avoiding the driveway pile-up. So continues my decades old love affair with the snow blower.

Maybe all boy/men have a similar infatuation with heavy machinery but these particular beasts really turn my crank.

As a boy they'd pile snow into my front yard which meant fabulous fort building opportunities but recently a new twist has been added, at least in my neighbourhood.

A local contractor has seen fit to hire a beautiful 20 something female to operate one of its larger rigs. She works confidently in her heated cab wearing a tank top (and presumably pants and hopefully a thong) and I've seen her on several occasions now, each new storm getting her back out on the streets where she belongs. Why does this image have such strong erotic potential? Of course I have a theory artfully backed up with elegant and irrefutable logic but I'll spare you the long-winded details, a lesson that some (one actually) of my contributors in the comment section would do well to heed.

For those of you who insist on an explanation one is available from Blob Press International - Theories and Transcript division.

In the meantime I'll leave you with a picture of a snowblower of a different sort while I go outside for a little walk and see how the local snow removal operation is shaping up.

Everything Old is New Again (and as a rule better)

As someone spat out of the tail end of the baby boom I realize that the last thing any of you kids today want to hear is how great our generation is and was. While you are a technologically superior race and have taken superficial bodily harm (piercing, cutting, tattoos etc.), and apathy to new levels take a look at your parents, teachers and other 50 to 60 year olds. The ones who seem a little slow? Maybe it's encroaching old age but more likely is that they spent two decades in a stupefying haze of drugs and self-abasement, (often by themselves in their basement) doing serious harm to their brains and other vital organs.
We grew up in a period of tremendous creativity and rebellion where even finding and availing oneself of porn required the mind of a keen and dedicated strategist. This was especially important for those who weren't privy to the sexual revolution's bounty of pre-AIDS indiscriminate sex. That's right...many of your folks were sluts!! (and that includes man whores).
As we head inexorably towards retirement we are comforted by the knowledge that there is strength in numbers. We will get our due, vote in the people we want to do our bidding, sap the earth of it's last natural and financial resources and then die more or less comfortably. The rest of you youngsters are screwed!! (sorry kids). I suggest the more brilliant among you should get to work on terraforming the moon ASAP...we won't be around to bail you out!!
What about music? After all I did post a clip of Focus doing their hit "Hocus Pocus" (by Focus).
It's there mostly to remind the children that their parents were freaks. That lunatic, brilliant pianist is now a fat, bald, old man as is the guy shredding on guitar and yet way back in the 70's they rocked very hard and with more creative, individualistic energy than anything going today.
That song was actually a commercial hit and got radio airplay. I defy anyone to find a comparable situation at present. If you do I will personally come to your house, eat 2 hash brownies, and do an hour and a half long, self-indulgent drum solo. Promise.

Last Minute Blob Plea Gives Clinton the Edge....Barack Attack on the Way

....or so I'd like to think but the real reason was the Clinton camp going negative and picking away at the Obama mystique. Now we can expect things to get even more interesting as Barack becomes barackuda and starts fighting back. Here's an early look at an ad he'll soon be releasing in response to Hilary's "It's 3 a.m." master stroke that borrows from a successful Ronald Reagan campaign idea.

Her ad played on our fears of his inexperience in foreign affairs while his ad plays on our fear of being married to a nagging bitch for 4 or more years. All's fair in love, war, and politics.

The media coverage last night was spectacular in it's parsing of the demographics. Political analysts of every stripe broke down the vote into its smallest measurable components: 57% of church going Blacks in Ohio voted for Obama as did 73% of muffin eaters in Vermont and overall a whopping 85% of Birkenstock wearing lesbians sided with Hilary. This is history in the making folks and the best reality TV since Survivor: Season 1!!

In keeping with my new policy of tempering insightful political commentary with exploitive smut I give you another well known woman in a position of authority. If you are in any way offended by female nudity and sadistic, Nazi style, girl-on-girl action please do not click on....hey where'd everybody go?????

http://www.123video.nl/playvideos.asp?MovieID=233610

Why Hillary Lost

A bold bit of time travel in the title of this post doesn't mean I want her to lose. I'd rather wake up tomorrow, dust the 15 to 25 centimeters of snow and ice off my morning paper, and read the contrary; that actual events had rendered my headline as accurate as the now infamous Dewey Defeats Truman miscalculation of some years ago.

My recent endorsement of Ms. Clinton was followed almost immediately by an impressive string of losses and setbacks. Remember a year or two ago when I predicted that the Nintendo Wii would quickly go the way of the 8 track??
So my parents were wrong...I'm not perfect, sue me!!

I may not be much of a prophet but I'm not about to backtrack and change horses in the middle of the stream (from the old gray mare to the black stallion) like many others have done. Hillary may yet claw her way out of this one and go on to become a fabulous president but there's a smell of desperation emanating from her camp. Their campaign ads have started fear mongering (it's 3 a.m., your child sleeps safely but in Washington a phone rings...who do you want answering the call??) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M70emIFxETs&NR=1 and not so subtle attacks on Obama. His people in turn have floated the following gem on the interent and while it doesn't directly attack Hillary it plays into fears about voting for a woman and subtly refers to Bill Clinton's infidelity. It may all be over by tomorrow and women, yes women, are to blame. http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play?p=doris+wishman&ei=UTF-8&fr=yfp-t-501&tnr=21&vid=1294421925

Look what's at stake here: a seasoned, intelligent, political veteran with actual white house experience, a tough but fair approach to governance, and a pair of balls (metaphorically at least) as weighty and pendulous as any in Washington. If Obama wins he may very well occupy the post for a full 8 years and at the end of his tenure America will probably be ready for another Republican prez. Now is the one chance, the best chance for the next 15 or many more years to elect a woman president but many women can't bring themselves to vote for a highly qualified one of their own. What kind of self loathing are we dealing with here? Obama promises change but he is after all another male politician. Of course it would be amazing to see the U.S. elect an African American but the fact that he is Black should have little if anything to do with his leadership style. Women and men on the other hand are just plain different in many ways and real, monumental change could come from electing a chick president.

Today I urge my 3 to 7 American readers in the primary holding states to go with the dark horse...vote Hillary!!!


Editor's note: This post was designed to pacify and appease those among you who prefer "think pieces" rather than smut. For the other 98% here's a brief documentary about Doris Wishman; (director of the clip above) exploitation film maker extraordinaire. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uayCdDcUI8&feature=related Her career proved that a woman in a position of authority, even back in the 60's, could create films as awful and brilliant as any man. If only Hillary had such an opportunity.

The Art of the Cookie

It's amazing how much time, money, and energy is spent trying to set things apart from other similar things. Two weeks away from the routine of home life gave me lots of time to think and it was the humble yet exalted chocolate chip cookie that, like a speck of dust to airborne ice crystals, provided the nucleus for the random thoughts in my head. Today's snowflake of a post is the end result. (have you noticed that no 2 posts are the same?)

I've been staying at the Courtyard Marriott in Quebec City and while it's a fine hotel there are many others world-wide with different names that are almost identical. To set themselves apart the Marriott people have come up with a couple of clever touches that don't cost them a lot but make a big difference to the weary traveller. At 5 o'clock they set out a large tray of individually wrapped yet homemade-ish chocolate chip cookies. I, like a trained rat, found myself hovering around the goodies every day and would've pushed a lever with my nose to get one if I had to.

(the daily turn down service was appreciated but I could have done without the coddled egg on my pillow....what's up with that??!!??)

Invariably I'd just be coming back from a recording session where the other musicians and I had been feverishly trying to put our own distinctive touches to a piece that's been recorded dozens of times if not more. The little cookie gesture was most appreciated as was the quirky and suggestive brand name: Otis Spunkmeyer. http://www.spunkmeyer.com/

Yes indeed, somebody....probably many people, had decided that this was the best possible name for their delicious wares. Focus groups, in-house committees, high powered marketing consultants etc. were undoubtedly all involved despite the quaint tale of Kimberly, the 12 year old daughter of the founder Ken Rawlings coming up with the sperm related name on her own.

Says CEO John Schiavo: "Of course we wouldn't leave such a key decision to a kid. Well known northeastern brands like Freihoffer's or Entenmann's have names that bespeak time honoured European quality and generations old recipes, hard working immigrants who turned a dream into some cookies and in turn into a s**tload of cash! We took that idea and went it one better with the not-so-subtle semen tie in. The very stuff of life associated with our cookies....you can't beat it!!"

It's the small details that often make the biggest difference. They often go unnoticed but end up influencing our decisions in ways that we're not even aware of. Next time you're at a Marriott make sure to grab one or two of the free Spunkmeyers but be warned...the name starts to work on you and sooner or later, alone in your hotel room, you'll start hearing the sweet siren song of the complimentary hand lotion in the bathroom....or so I've been told.