Returning to the Scene of the Lyme (sorry)

For the next 5 or so days The Blob will be on hold as I drive south to the Pocono mountains with kids in tow to visit relatives. The last time I was there pre-dates the inauguration of this blog by only a few months and by that time I had fully recovered from a bout of Lyme disease.

Our chosen destination just happens to be the deer collision and lyme tick infestation capital of the world! (at least that's what it says in the brochures). While I'm away make good use of your time....pay more attention to your family, re-stain the deck, try to figure out what scrapbooking is. I'm well aware that this site can be addictive so take advantage of the week off. I know I will, I have a score to settle......

Finally...A Good Reason to Fight Global Warming!!

Dear Blob,

I live in the greater Toronto area where Temperatures are soaring into the mid 30's! The government has asked all residents to set their AC no lower than 26 in order to conserve power. I am sweating my tits off. Any advice?

Boobless Barbra



Dear Barbra,

We're sweltering her in Montreal too so I can appreciate the dire situation you're in. Let's cut to the chase: Get some good quality duct tape and a couple of bags of frozen peas and secure your breasts immediately!! This is no laughing matter as every year and with every new heat wave more and more women are having to deal with melting boobs. "Sweating your tits off" as you call it is better known in medical circles as Thermo-mammary hyperhydrosis or TH. We're heading into festival season here and what with global warming authorities are concerned about incidents of TH reaching epidemic proportions. As a public service I'll be setting up a booth Downtown and offering free ice applications or cooling, rubbing alcohol massages. Next time the temperature drops, open all the windows and use fans to suck in as much cool air as possible then close all windows and blinds, shut off the AC altogether,let the fans do there thing and if all else fails sleep at the mall.

Mr .Wilson Speaks

After many months of patient posting I've finally succeeded in the blogger's equivalent of coaxing a chipmunk out of his hole in the ground through the strategic and daily placement of sunflower seeds. Not only has Euphoniumist and artist Mike Wilson bought a computer but now he's deigned to contribute a lengthy and wonderfully composed comment. The Blob may never be the same. Here is the entire comment verbatim:

Blob's Fall From Grace

Blob (I cannot in good conscience write dear Blob) I blame myself for our drifting apart over the years, no question. My international success on the wedding and sweet-sixteen circuit, and my recordings ( I see that you know about that) have kept me busy-- but I never forgot my little Blobbie!!! I knew that you'd started writing. I thought to myself, how wonderful! Maybe he'll be another Sholom Aleichem or perhaps write like that nice Herman Wouk (such sweet stories --that Marjorie Morningstar..........now SHE would be a catch!!!). Then the rumours began. You were writing on the internets (never a good sign), being cynical; sometimes sarcastic, using questionable, even bad words. I didn't believe it! I couldn't believe it!! Not my Blobbie!!! And now, I find that it's all true. How sharper than a serpent's tooth.........By the rivers of Blobylon I sat down and wept.........HOW ART THOU FALLEN FROM HEAVEN, O BLOBELE, SON OF THE MORNING?!?!?! When you were little, during Euphoniach, I would dandle you on my knee and you would look up at me with those big, innocent eyes and say, Uncle Machele, please(you were always such a polite boy!) play your euphonium again! Play A Blessing on your Head, Mazel Tov;or Sunrise, Sunset if you were sleepy( what young boy doesn't get sleepy?). Little Blobbie!!! You can be like that again!! The Torah teaches us that the Boosey & Hawkes Sovereign combined with a Canadian Brass Gene Watts model B mouthpiece is akin to the voice of God. Next Euphoniach,(or sooner; yes, sooner would be better) take a euphonium player to lunch-- a good lunch, in a good restaurant -- something that schmecks!! But no breakfast-joints! I've heard what goes on in those hell-holes!! These euphonium players are good men, (not like those worldly baritone players--those guys are so cheesey you could make a sandwich!) treat them with honour and respect. It's a long road back, but it's a place to start. I pray it's not too late; but from what these eyes have just seen, I fear the worst. And stay away from shiksas!!! Before you know it, you'll be eating bacon--- if not much, much worse. Don't even ask!!! Your (formerly loving) Uncle Machel

My Response

Mike, allow me to say (and I do so without an ounce of sarcasm) that your arrival marks a literary high point, a verbal gentrification of what had become a slum-like morass of immaturity and baseness. Your knowledge of and comfort with Judaica is astounding (ed. note: Mike is about as WASPy as one can get...at 1st glance) and the way you toss around Yiddishisms and cultural allusions is most impressive to a lapsed Jew such as myself. As far as shiksas, bacon, and much,much,worse go it is, unfortunately, way too late for me. It's been many years since I observed Euphoniach but I still remember fondly being dandled on your knee as a young lad. I've succesfully repressed the less savoury details of that story for decades now!

I never claimed to be an angel and what with my readership clamouring for filth, maintaining even a modicum of good taste is all that I can do. Keep writing in....light the way for others....listen, it couldn't hurt.

Monkey Nostalgia (the BEST kind of nostalgia)

Long before the cute and perky Katie Couric lit up the airwaves every morning on The Today Show an equally adorable star was attracting millions of viewers to the program. The decade was the 50's, the host was Dave Garroway, and people just couldn't get enough of Kokomo the chimpanzee! His daily antics garnered the show millions of new fans and endorsement contracts for the telegenic simian came flooding in. His career hit a major snag when a line of greeting cards he did for Hallmark were targeted by a drunken, debauched, and vengeful copy editor. The cards in question were quickly withdrawn from circulation but I've scraped around in the vault and come up with these rare gems that harken back to a more innocent age. It's interesting to note that in their day they caused a major scandal...my how times have changed!!

Blobipedia

Alright already.... One A. Harrelson in a recent comment asked if Allan Sherman was a Jew. If you read the comments you know that I replied in an unusually abrupt and testy fashion. I apologize for not heeding my own mission statement (something about being a friggin' encyclopedia if I remember correctly) and will now gladly answer the question.

Allan Sherman was a singer/songwriter/comedian who made it big in the early 60's as a parodist. His most successful LP's were "My Son the Folk Singer" and later "My Son the Nut" and it's #1 hit song: "Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh". His work layed the foundation for Weird Al Yankovic's career but his fame was short lived and he became increasingly embittered. In the late 60's he dropped out of view and converted from Judaism to Islam using the name Tariq al Tariq thereby laying the foundation for Cat Steven's career. His conversion and name change were never accepted by his parents and Sherman publicly mocked this in his final album. The attempted comeback was a dismal failure in the West and he died impoverished, one-handed (the result of a work related accident) and alone in 1973.

Dear Mom and Dad, Camp was a Blast!!!

"Fatwa Camp??....I thought my parents were sending me to Fat Camp!!!" said Saleem, the portly and somewhat surprised teenager.

Afghan Suicide Bomber School Holds “Graduation”
Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Footage depicting what can only be described as a Taliban “graduation” ceremony that took place June 9 was obtained by abc News this week. The footage and accompanying report, which came by way of a Pakistani journalist invited to observe the ceremony, shows approximately 300 masked men and boys dressed in loose-fitting tunics and sandals and sitting in rows in a desolate mountain range along the Afghanistan-Pakistan border.

As my own daughter makes last minute preparations for her own graduation and prom it's hard not to read the article excerpt above and think "Geez, what a small world!" This is the time of year when teens across the globe prepare to move on in life, some apparently into the afterlife, with ceremonies that mark this important rite of passage.

With the success of the Afghani school stories of similarly themed summer camps are already emerging from various corners of the Mid-east. I saw a recent ad for a Pakistani camp that promised Archery, Bomb making, Horseback riding, and a Farewell Video Workshop. Sounds like a lot of fun for the young insurgent to be! Camp Khaboum (as it's called) even has it's own catchy jingle sung to the tune of Ponchielli's Dance of the Hours (better known as Alan Sherman's Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh.)

Hello Mullah, Hello Allah

Time to join the Intefada

I'm heroic but still modest

That is just what one would want from a Jihadist.

So long Mother, farewell Father

I'm preparing to be a martyr

I've been trained to be sycophantic

Now they say that we'll be crossing the Atlantic!

I don bombs (oh Mother, Father)

with aplomb, (it's not a bother)

I'm grown up so now I can blow up

and take along a Jew (or maybe two).

Infidels we're targeting and

Fear's what we're mass marketing so

Camp Khaboum has lead us to assume

that dying for our cause deserves applause.

Soon the summer will have ended

Then our faith has to be defended

I'll be joining the insurgents

Then I have a date in heaven with some virgins!!

Odds 'n' Ends

What an embarrassment....World Refugee Day has come and gone and I was totally unprepared. No BBQ, no Dairy Queen with the kids, no surpise "airdrop" of loot bags for the neighbourhood children...nothing. Oh well, there's always next year and perhaps a grand gesture (did somebody say Block party??!?) I still believe though that no matter what the day we should all be thankful that we, unlike millions of unfortunate refugees, aren't living in squalor.

Speaking of squalor have you heard about the Continental Airlines trans-Atlantic flight from Amsterdam to Newark? For all the details and some fetching visuals check out this link, read the story, watch the video: http://www.fox11az.com/news/topstories/stories/kmsb-20070620-NWjc-continentalsewageflight.21e4b76d.html Briefly, 200 people on the plane, 1 semi-working toilet, and another that started spewing out raw sewage and overflowed into the aisles. How bad was it? Colin Brock, a Tacoma area student had this to say: "I've never felt so offended in all my life. I felt like I had been physically abused and neglected. I was forced to sit next to human excrement for seven hours, It was even worse than my flight to Taiwan where I sat beside Rosie O'Donnel the whole time!" Said another beleaguered passenger: It was hot, crowded, and rank with human feces, just what I needed after a 2 week business trip to New Delhi!" Medical authorities are unsure as to any possible lasting health effects from the ordeal.

Speaking of lasting health effects, it sure must be hard being a smoker these days. Kicked out of restaurants, office buildings, condos, and in general shunned by society, these weary souls are in a way the refugees of affluent countries. I've dipped into my vintage record bin and have pulled out something that may provide at least a little nostalgic comfort for those of my readers who are cigarette addicts. It wasn't too long ago that smoking was cool and fun...have a look:

And Then There Were None

Dixxx said...
Be forewarned! Mike Wilson is now on the internets!

Those of you who are familiar with this site are therefore familiar with noted euphoniumist and painter, Mike Wilson. He has been featured in several posts and a permanent link to his web site has garnered a hallowed spot in the sidebar pantheon of greatness.

I couldn't be more pleased to welcome Mike into the fabulous world of the 21st century and applaud him for being the last hold-out in his socio-economic sphere. Some would say that he caved to peer pressure or that telepathy with the mother ship wasn't working as well as it used to but they'd be wrong. Mike does things when he's good and ready (thank you very much) and if he figured that now is the best time to get connected then so it is.

Happy Father's Day

What better way to celebrate the day than with 3 clips highlighting fathers...all dedicated but some more succesful than others. The first shows a Dad who's a model of perseverance, the 2nd shows a boastful father-to-be, full of fear and self loathing, who's hoping to get things right with his future son, The 3rd gives us probably the best father of them all and the 4th is my favorite movie theme. It's from a western and has little or nothing to do with fatherhood but it's incredibly evocative and exciting (try yelling "YeeeHAHHHH!!" at the 2 minute mark) and besides, it's father's day and I can do whatever the hell I want!! Gotta run...it's almost supper time, the coals on the BBQ are heating up and I have to catch a couple of rats for the kids.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M8JU8EezjE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVlzaoNUyXU&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onw4THV0hWg&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0vYGlq6edU

Ground Hog vs. Beaver

Dixxx said...
Apparently the world of F1 is embroiled in the Ground Hog vs. Beaver controversy. Is there a simple way to educate the British drivers on the difference between the two? This way they would be sure of exactly what animal they had just vaporized as they sped down the final stretch.

True enough last weeks Grand Prix de Montréal had it's share of mayhem. Here's a press clipping:

Beaver grabs F1 headlines
dead groundhog not amused
RANDY BOSWELL, CanWest News ServicePublished: Tuesday, June 12, 2007
The final, unfortunate act in the life of an unwitting Ile Notre Dame rodent has grabbed headlines around the world after British Formula One driver Anthony Davidson blamed a "beaver" for wandering into the path of his car and ruining his race at Sunday's crash-marred Canadian Grand Prix.

The beaver was in fact a groundhog as anyone on this side of the pond could tell you. Fellow racer Fernando Alonzo spotted the chunky rodent and insinctively tried to warn Davidson despite the obvious futility. He's a bloody Spaniard and he knew what it was... so being British is no excuse!! Maybe being a citizen of a former imperial power leads to navel gazing so your average Brit wouldn't know the difference between a beaver and a groundhog if one was gnawing on his bollocks while the other had a nibble at his arse!!

To add to the confusion the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve, as the track is named, has a distinctly rodent like shape. I say it looks beaverish but this is open to debate.

Maybe this brush with doom will educate Davidson and his fans as he now joins other animal killing athletes of repute: Jim Lorentz of the Buffalo Sabres (AKA Batman) sliced one of the flying rats out of the air with his stick and was hailed as a hero. In the new "MY NHL" he'd have been given a 2 game suspension.

Pitcher Randy Johnson pureed a wayward Skydome seagull with a 100 mph fastball and one-time Pirates ace Kent Tekulve actually wrestled an ocelot to the ground and snapped it's neck just before it could pounce on a group of wheelchair bound toddlers.

Beavers and groundhogs, I know them well. My GF is beset with the former and I the latter. I now carry pictures of the 2 species in my wallet and display them (as I segue into a short educational monologue) whenever I come upon a tourist.

It's a small gesture but one that in time should bear fruit, especially if imitated by others. OK then..on to the next problem.

Forsaken no More

"Pardon my mother. She means "ducats."What's great is that there are a great many respectable logos that were rejected for this visual diarrhea."

With these words and others my comment section once again has been graced by two of it's more prolific contributors who seemed to have all but disappeared. The mother and son team of Travis and Viv are back and any creative stagnation that I may have been experiencing is all but a recent and painful memory.

Nice to see that Trav is as pedantic as ever (never change my boy!). This gives me an opportunity to remind you that my policy remains one of tolerance. Make as many mistakes as you want, even unbearably cute ones, and I'll not mock or comment in any way. This would discourage people from writing in and besides we all make mistakes. Duckets...ducats...who cares really?? The important thing is that you contribute to The Blob (the most important thing actually) and if some snotty kid wants to make a snide remark than so be it.

Life is too short to care about what others think, about dotting all the I's and crossing all the T's. Write on faithful Blobophiles, write on..right on!! BTW Viv, you showed remarkable maturity and restraint by not pointing out your son's use of the word "great" twice in the same short sentence.

Entrepreneurial Spirit- End 'o' the World Edition

The "mad inventor" as a cultural archetype

has probably been with us since the industrial revolution. There will always be a small percentage of the population who are deluded dreamers, tinkering away in their basements hoping to make the world a better place and to get rich while doing so. They are by and large a harmless lot unless you get cornered by one in a bus shelter and when left to their own (wacko) devices usually remain rightfully anonymous.

Trouble starts when such an inventor finds an even crazier investor who is willing to buy into their scheme and part with bundles of cash. A couple of inventions caught my eye recently (1 by way of a TV commercial and the other from a news report) that to me at least, and pardon the alarmism here, seem to be a signal for the end of days.

Let's start with Salad Spritzers from Wishbone. Yes it's exactly what you think it is and I can hear the collective sigh of relief as you think to yourselves "Finally...now I can spray my salad dressing on instead of pouring it!!!" Call me old fashioned but spraying is meant for the deoderizing of armpits, the cleaning of stoves, killing earwigs etc. but not sassing up your lettuce. Was there a huge problem people were having controlling the liquid to vegetable ratio that required this bizarre solution? Maybe years from now when everybody is gleefully spraying their frigging salads I'll admit I was wrong but until then my motto remains "Once a pourin' man, always a pourin' man!"

The next product points to a problem within a problem that may set new lows for catering to a niche. I like to imagine the pitch given to the would-be investors....."Ok, so there are like millions of chronic gamblers worldwide and because of their desperate addiction they become like super consumers if the product can help them towards that big jackpot. Imagine you've been sitting at a slot machine for 4 or 5 hours and you still have half a bucket of coins left. You' ve been working it and the big payoff may happen at any moment but...oh no!!....nature is calling. You can't lose your machine now!!! If only you had an absorbent and comfy adult diaper that could be used again and again and not one of those bulky, scratchy, disposable ones that's so bad for the environment. Ladies and gentleman I present to you the Adult Reuseable Nappy!!"

Feel free to make your own joke about the craps table while I try to figure out slogan...how about "What happens in the diaper stays in the diaper!" Anyways if any of you are chronic gamblers or just simply very lazy follow this link http://kitchener.kijiji.ca/c-buy-and-sell-health-special-needs-Adult-Cloth-Diaper-Diapers-Night-time-Incontinent-NEW-W0QQAdIdZ12886735 There's a real product out there for you.

STOLEN RECIPE CORNER

Speaking of salad dressing I found a store bought one that I love, Wafu Japanese Style, but since it's very expensive I just copied down the ingredients and went back to my test kitchen where I concocted a perfect knockoff for mere pennies a bottle:

12 tbsp canola oil, 4 tbsp rice vinegar, 4 tbsp water, 1 tbsp light soy sauce, 1/2 tbsp sesame oil, 1 tbsp sugar, 1 clove garlic (minced) 2 tbsp chopped onion. Combine ingredients and place in blender for about 1 minute, refrigerate, thank me.

First they take your cellphone, then they take your dignity....Paris Hilton's 3 Days of Hell

"The constant sobbing was one thing but the hunger strike was really what got to us" said L.A. sherriff department spokesmodel Steve Whitmore after heiress Paris Hilton's early release from jail late wednesday night. When informed that her behaviour was merely an expected result of her being in jail coupled with her latest eating disorder,(that hot new, status symbol among celubutantes) he could only shrug his shoulders and insist that, as a rule, they were not used to dealing with this socio-economic class.

Outrage among the general public has been widespread but Ms. Hilton claims to be misunderstood and insists that her 40 days of upcoming house arrest will be no picnic. "I'll have to wear a sort of ankle bracelet monitoring device and it's literally off the rack, Prada's version won't be out till the fall season."

Apparently her 3 day stint was an arduous experience. The degradation, the violence and the madness of daily prison life were chronicled in her detailed journal that has already been sold to a noted Hollywood producer and turned into a soon-to-be-released major motion picture. Believe it or not I got my hands on the trailer and in the words of Paris "It's hot!!!" http://www.blue-underground.com/index.php?pg=displayItem&item_id=85 I have to warn you that in the interest of full disclosure this clip holds nothing back and features quite a bit of nude lesbian prison sex, catfights, shower scenes, humiliation and towards the end some very disturbing and dissonant piano cluster chords on the soundtrack. All told it may be a bit too much to handle for some of my readers. The others are already off watching...ahhh nature....the lighting strike of a chameleons tongue on an unsuspecting fly, the blurred majesty of a hummingbird's wing in motion, and the dazzling quickness of men clicking there mouse when a link promises nude lesbian prison sex.

All over America prison wardens have seen a spectacular rise in ther number of inmates who are sobbing uncontrollably and exhibiting symptoms of anxiety and depression. A clear precident has been established and we can expect to see a mass exodus of these hurting souls within days. Just listen to what one prisoner had to say: " I gots put in here 3 years ago for possession of marijuana but just a couple of days ago I realized that it's so bad in jail that it's driving me crazy...they're gonna have to be

sending me home with one of those bracelets or something!" said LaDoofius Baylor from Lake Lafayette State Prison in Louisiana.

Now we have word that the judge specifically denied house arrest and that the Sherrif's dept. may be held in contempt pending a further hearing this afternoon. Stay tuned...this is a story with legs.

What The #@!# is This?

Epilepsy warning over London's Olympic logo

LONDON (AP) — An animated display of London's jigsaw-style 2012 Olympics logo, which has drawn an unfavorable public response, was removed from an official Web site Tuesday following concern it could trigger epileptic seizures. It cost $796,000 and was targeted at young people. The logo was unveiled Monday and within hours an online petition was established asking for a new design.

Under normal circumstances I'd have waited till tomorrow to post this but everytime I wait The Daily Show beats me to the punch (damn them!!). As a Montrealer still smarting from being a citiizen of the city that staged the most humiliating, cash sucking Olympics ever it does my heart good to see jolly old London screwing up so early in the game.

I can only assume that with close to 800 grand spent they had the full coterie of consultants, focus groups, high powered ad agencies, the top creative minds and graphic design specialists in the industry, all chipping in to do Great Britain proud and make a few pounds sterling in the process. The fact that an animated version caused epileptic seizures is sort of icing on the cake. The real story remains the logo itself. Now I'm no artist but I know a well conceived logo when I see one. This nightmare looks like a failed attempt at assembling a jigsaw puzzle by one of those kids who has to wear a helmet all day. I'll go out on a limb and offer a Blob guarantee: come 2012 this insignia will be an all but forgotten misstep (come next thursday more likely) and the good people of London will have an emblem they can be proud of.

One can only wonder what those in charge could have rejected before they made their final choice!!

This Really Happened - Installment 17 of The Home School "History of TV" Course

It goes without saying that September 11th is one of the most infamous days in US history but what about the 1oth? Sept. 10th 1974 may not be anywhere near as important but it certainly marks a red letter day in the annals of American TV history for it was on this day that NBC aired Born Innocent as its movie of the week.
Ostensibly a morality play about the dangers of parental abuse and indifference and societal neglect of troubled youth this film had a more than healthy dose of exploitation. Go Ask Alice, the sensational and supposedly true account of a young girl's descent into drugs and depravity, had been a big hit for ABC as a TV movie a year earlier. NBC decided to up the ante with Born Innocent and pulled out all the stops! The very young and occasionally naked Linda Blair, fresh from her success in The Exorcist, was perfect as the abused good girl gone bad. Most memorable and shocking was the brutal lesbian shower rape with the handle of a toilet plunger. Funny how I remembered it as a broom handle but why quibble over minor details (although I guess it makes a big difference if you're on the receiving end). As a peaceful 15 year old dealing with an onslaught of hormones all this was very interesting in a debased, sexual arousal sort of way. (HEY....I was 15 for heaven's sake!!!). As a parent of teens today I rale against this sort of exploitive fare but back in the day this kind of stuff was just the ticket.
Unfortunately and tragically a group of girls raped an 8 year old with a coke bottle not long after the air date and NBC was sued as a result by those who claimed they were influenced by the film. NBC won the case but a Family Viewing Hour was instituted not long after. Born Innocent was shown at 8 o'clock when many children were still awake but since then early prime time has been kept relatively clean.
The film, even in it's edited version, was withdrawn from circulation and remained unseen for 30 years. In 2004 a DVD version with rape scene intact was re-released by VCI Entertainment. Said spokesman Lance Boyle: "We believe the time is right to bring back this important movie. Kids everywhere should know what goes on in detention centers for the teenage girls.....in the showers and such, with the plungers....it's dangerous....will you excuse me for a minute?"
Maybe you'd heard of family viewing hour. Now you know why it's there.

Not Just Your Ordinary Blog

Dixxx writes: Paris Hilton gets thrown in the slammer and not a peep from the Blob? What gives?



I guess judging from past experience one would have expected me to be right there with some snide comment or witty observation but then what blogger with an eye for irony wouldn't weigh in? I'll let Sarah Silverman field this one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zR_sTKnvFR4 All media are abuzz with the Paris Hilton story and this in a week where the New York Yankees managed to steal more than a few headlines. Alex Rodriguez, the happily married Yankee slugger gets caught going up to his hotel room with a muscular stripper and future hall of famer Roger Clemens has to cancel his much heralded return to the bigs because his groin was experiencing tightness and fatigue. I dare say that A Rod had similar issues but didn't miss an at bat!!

I suppose I should devote a post to Paris but there's so much wrong in the real world that I feel like I'd be wasting my time. I've been thinking that perhaps The Blob could be a vehicle for change, for consciousness raising, for social and environmental activism. I could put aside the poop jokes and general juvenile antics for a while and try to do some real good!

Why the change in attitude? Well.. it's been brewing for a while but I suppose things crystalized when I started thinking about purchasing my next car and whether or not to go hybrid. All the vehicles of this sort are out of my price range or at least I thought they were until I came across a story form the Russian press about KMC (khyrgistan motorworks collective) and their intriguing Zoltan 520Z. It seems to have everything I want in an affordable hybrid both in terms of environmental sustainability and my lifestyle.
This clever take on an age old design has a one HP engine (a real horse) attached to the main carriage for city driving. This is easily detached and the surprisingly powerful 3 cylinder engine kicks in for longer hauls. KMC has yet another trick up their sleeve according to spokesman Bogdan Antanaska: "Our fuel is very similar to bio deisel but is made entirely from the fermentation of the beet root. (Khyrgistan's only crop) A simple compost/still operation can produce more than enough for the average user"
So Dixxx...there you have it. Sure I've been a bit distracted but wouldn't you be too if there were a Zoltan 520Z in you're future??

Ant-agonism

Norwegian Fred AKA Dixxx writes: "Do you have a good way to rid your abode of ants?"

A simple, little question and yet one of such weight and import that I hardly know where to begin! Other bloggers would probably give a yes or no answer and maybe a few tips on how to help eradicate the pests but not here at The Blob where the clumsy motto "No subject left unexpounded upon" is as true today as ever.

At a tender age I was first alerted to the spectre of world formic domination by the 1954 cult classic THEM. This was one of the 1st nuclear monster movies and featured giant, mutant, irradiated ants wreaking havoc on th US. Fast forward to 1971 and the Academy Award nominated documentary The Helstrom Chronicles which postulated even then that mankind was poised on the brink of extinction due to global warming and nuclear conflagrations and that insects, with millions of years of an evolutionary head start were quietly poised to assume dominion over the earth. Leading the way? Why the ants of course!!

This film more than any led me to redouble my effort, started some years earlier, to wipe out ants (at least in my backyard) and do my part to save humankind. This was a solitary pursuit, done without fanfare, and it occupied many a summer afternoon when some say I should have been riding a bicycle or figuring out how to talk to girls.

As the weeks turned to months and then years I developed and perfected techniques that are still being used today. Starting with the basic shoe crush I moved on to boiling water (inspired by the brave holdouts at the Roman siege of Masada in ancient Israel) and later to the advanced and original Shock and Awe method whereby a basebal bat was used to smash the ground around the anthill (the Shock) scaring the inhabitants to the surface and a can of Raid was used, cropduster style, (the Awe ) to wipe them out.

I tried to get others to join me in my struggle but they all claimed to have "lives" as they put it so I soldiered on alone.

Today there are all sorts of anti-ant products available. One that I find particularly good is the aptly named Raid Ant Killer; a slow acting concoction that attracts ants who bring it back to the nest where it kills the queen.... how diabolically effective (cue evil laugh).

I'm sorry to say that despite our best efforts the ants will win out. They have formed a perfect social structure, are highly adaptive and very industrious. The closest we've come to that model as a species are the Chinese and they're already showing signs of softening. If that news isn't bad enough just look at this postcard I picked up on a recent trip to Russia. Don't say you weren't warned!!