Dixxx said...
I have found a device that may be of interest to readers of the blob. Should things get hot and heavy tonight, here is an idea that may serve you well 9 months from now.colitz.com/site
/3216423/3216423.htmWhat an age we live in!
I have found a device that may be of interest to readers of the blob. Should things get hot and heavy tonight, here is an idea that may serve you well 9 months from now.colitz.com/site
/3216423/3216423.htmWhat an age we live in! For those of you too lazy to check out this link here is what all the fuss is about. Look carefully and you'll be able to make out a woman in a centrifuge about to deliver a baby. This is an actual U.S. patent developed but never, how should I say, brought to term, in the mid 1960's. Besides 5 diagrams there is also a long technical treatise which basically asserts that the modern North American woman (of 50 years ago), far more sedentary than her evolutionary ancestors, needs the help of centrifugal force to ease the trauma of childbirth. In principle a great idea so what went wrong? I thoroughly checked out the patent application, had some of the Blob research crew go digging around in the U.S. Patent Bureau archives, and I believe we've come up with an answer....a combination of design flaws and the inventor's misunderstanding of human anatomy.
In early tests a startling 17% of babies flew out of the vagina and crashed against the containment cylinder....you'll thank me for sparing you the photos of the newborns after they sluiced down to the floor. Even after the addition of strategically placed pillows there was no way to keep mothers from fainting (diminished bloodflow to the brain) or from the baby's delicate digestive system ending up in it's chest cavity.
The centrifuge was never marketed but a later, retooled version saw limited success as a fecal disimpaction machine. Soon enough, however, both doctors and patients alike realized that there was no replacement for a skilled nurse with a knowing hand and a lubricated rubber glove.
The bottom line is that science marches on but with the occasional, and often fascinating, misstep.
The bottom line is that science marches on but with the occasional, and often fascinating, misstep.
8 comments:
I guess there is no such thing as original thought after all.
This device SMACKS of an invention I made at the tender age of 15 ,when, a good year or so after menarche, I realised I was in for a lifetime of it, moon after moon.......... so I got out my drafting table and drew up plans for what I referred to as INSTAPERIOD!! Three moons later General Electric and I were negotiating terms , patent pending and all that. Well history speaks for itself and it was clearly not the boon I had expected, but the protoype in my bomb shelter remains in full working order (you can find me there every full moon spinning my woes away!!
ok ok no need to scream T M I !!
I digress at any rate as I have been sent to Blob by the master with the express purpose of letting the five fans know that his internet explorer is down and blob will be temporarily on hold till his return.
Praise be......
Dear Blob,
I am a first time inquirer, long time reader.
What I'd like to know is, what are the mechanics and philosophy of gerbil stuffing? How are the gerbils inserted and retrieved? Don't they bite and scratch? Why not hamsters or snakes? Is this a common practice? My curious friends and I await your reply with bated breath. --Shannon O., Chicago
Waxed arse??? I know a woman here who waxes those dangly things men have. Thinking about it brings tears even to my dangleless bod.
A NOTE OF THANKS TO B.B. BEAVER:
As you may well know, I've been experiencing computer troubles of late and have had minimal access to the internet. I asked Phyllis to relay a message to The Blob faithful and she did so quickly without question.
Beautifully done my pet and with an added Blob-style flight of fancy to boot!! It appears as though my lessons have not gone unheeded. Again, my eternal and heartfelt gratitude.
Hey, Shannon, you live in Chicago? Great city. Do you know my friend, Ingrid?
B.b. Beaver: I love your idea. Sigh... If only.
Hi Viv!
Do I know Ingrid? Damn Straight! Oh the times I have had with Ingrid! We were just in a bar fight this past weekend, she lost most of her teeth, save one, Old Chomper. You should see her peel the top off a beer can with that fang of hers, the men can't get enough. If you are half as classy as her I knows we'll get along great!
Dixxx (AKA Shannon O. perhaps???)
Sorry to disappoint but no, that's not my bum. In fact I'd never let wax come anywhere near it after an unfortunate but not wholly illogical assumption on my part. You see, I'd heard a lot of anecdotal evidence supporting the practice of "candling" (placing the bottom end of a lit candle in the ear to wick out the wax)to remove stubborn earwax. Occasionally the human body has trouble expressing substances from other orifices as well and I thought that perhaps the candling technique would also work in these instances (only with a somewhat larger candle)....big mistake!!Long story short: I've learned to live with the disfiguring scars and you can bet that I won't be sticking candles anywhere in or on my body for a long, long time.
Post a Comment