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Monday, July 21, 2008

Alberta Bound (and Gagged)

For Blobophiles the summer is always a double edged sword*. The early days are a bonanza marked by my lack of gigs and the consequential bounty of posts. Then comes August and my annual pilgrimage to Alberta where I have access to the internet through an archaic dial-up connection. This coupled with the fact that I'll be spending a lot of time catering to the varied whims of my girlfriend means sporadic posting at best.
Of course this is all very exciting for yours truly as expressed by Blob mascot Slimy (the dog vomit slime mold) but after months spent building my readership I can't help but feel a tad remorseful.


Taking a cue from Larry King who is often absent from his own CNN show, I invited Troy Huber to guest host The Blob and had him send in a test post as a kind of audition. He decided to do a send up of the Katy Perry hit song "I Kissed a Girl", (recently skewered on these very pages) and sent along this:


Thanks Troy but I'm sorry, I don't think this is going to work out. Besides, with all the camping you do (outside theatres prior to summer blockbuster releases) they'll be precious little time left for you to devote to The Blob. I'll just have to do what I can from afar.
Farewell and, in my absence, if any of you want to do a complete renovation of my home......just a thought. If you do though, feel free to help yourself to any of the condiments in my fridge (mi catsup es su catsup....sorry).
*Double edged sword: As I wrote that metaphor it occured to me that it didn't make any sense in that the definition; something that can be good on the one hand but bad on the other, didn't seem to apply to a sword that could do harm with either edge.
Of course, this being the internet age, the answer was only a click away and others had voiced similar concerns. The answer lies in the fact that there is a rare second layer of meaning. The double edged sword "cuts both ways" and with that I was satisified and went on about my day.

12 comments:

Party Bear said...

Thanks for the "last post" Blob". I was already smarting with displeasure at the thought of being blobless for days (until you were settled in the mysterious valley of Phyllidelphia), but here was a sweet parting shot full of your trademark whimsy and all that other shit!

We will miss you lots and lots and lots.

Anonymous said...

I know you'll find a way to post a couple of things to keep us going. Dial-up can't keep a good Blob down! Have a great time and give Phyllis a big kiss for me. (Tell me if she likes it).

Anonymous said...

I loved your warning but failed to find any of your delightful words in the actual posting?????

Anonymous said...

p.s. I welcome any kisses from Montreal and KNOW that I would delight in a vivvikiss!!!! thank you in advance!!!

slapper58 said...

Sorry Beav but now you know how I feel. How many times have I parked myself, full of hope, in front of the TV after the Showcase Channel posted a disclaimer warning of nudity before Trailer Park Boys and then not even so much as a tit. In my defense I did say "may contain". Tweak ya soon Turd Goddess.

As far as the Vivkiss goes, can you please stay heterosexual...at least for a month???

Maria Callous said...

Not gonna happen as long as she's spiritually squeezing my tits. Do your very best to try and grow a pair like these bad boys and then we'll talk.

Anonymous said...

btw, we'll miss you, and all that jazz.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful Beaver (didn't Stephen Foster write a song with that title??)!! How we miss you here in Montreal!! If, in fact, you do wecome any (I'm sure, somehow, that you meant to use the word "all"!) kisses from Montreal, why not, for your own enjoyment (and as well, to keep ol' Blobbie on his toes! (( always a good idea!!))), imagine that, say, every fifth or sixth kiss that he bestows upon you is actually from one or another of your many, many admirers here in Montreal!!! What a happy thought!! It could be, say, Vivie, or me, or Vivie AND me!!! Mix and match!! It's your call, Bodacious Beav!! WOW!!! Or me and any other great-looking Montreal woman!!! I'm that flexible!!!! That's just the way I am!!! I like to make people happy!!! It's a win, win, win situation (except for Blobber; but who really cares about him, right??! Ha! Ha! Just kidding, Blobbie!! I care; I really do!! So what if you callously SPURNED my offer of a ride to the airport??? That doesn't make you a bad person, does it? DOES IT?!?!?!) for everyone!!!
Bounteous Beaver!!! I hope that you'll have a wonderful time with Blobeleh; but please (!!) don't forget your dear friends (wink, wink!) here in good old Montreal!!! Mr. Bonemikester

Anonymous said...

Iron surplus again...

slapper58 said...

The warmth,the benevolence....I am so gonna miss you guys!!!

Anonymous said...

there has always been ample beaver to share mike, so worry not!! at peak moments,I'll be thinking of you. OOPS by peak I actually mean Bob and I are planning to hike to the PEAK of Moose mountain. Apparently the view is amazing, just like your visage!! AND MARIA'S DECOLLETAGE!! montreal's emboutillage, party bear's disemboutillage!!! et vivvie's entire image.... love pj

Anonymous said...

Wow, Beautiful Beaver! Wonderful way with words, you have. Take care of our Blobby, now!