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Sunday, November 26, 2006

Sofa So Good...Why the Wii Won't Work



You'd think that the Japanese would know better by now but something tells me that Nintendo's latest entry into the home gaming console sweepstakes is doomed to fail. For those of you who haven't yet heard, the Wii is a revolutionary new way of engaging in video gameplay. Your TV is fitted with a sensor and your controller is actually a sort of magic wand that transfers your movements to the screen. Stand up and swing at an imaginary tennis ball and voila; your character on the TV duplicates the motion. Thrust and parry with the controller and you may very well slay a dragon....you get the idea.

Sure there's a pre-holiday buzz and the unit is selling like all-you-can-eat sushi but I'll go out on a limb and make this prediction: The Wii will go the way of the 8 track by March 2007! "Crazy" you say? ....well just hear me out.

Lots of ardent gamers will find one under their Xmas tree and enjoy the novelty until parts of their bodies start aching, seizing up, and possibly falling off. We're talking about a group of people who can sit on the sofa for hours using only their thumbs to destroy imaginary nazis while insisting that their Mom get them a can of pop or a grilled cheese sandwich because she's closer to the kitchen. When they realize that owning a Wii means standing and moving entire limbs while only inches away the couch beckons, these systems will start collecting dust faster than you can nuke a 6 pack of Pizza Pops.

I don't know any of the decent and earnest people at Nintendo Corp. but they would do well to consult me the next time they embark on a potentially foolhardy marketing adventure. I have my finger on the faint pulse of the North American consumer....the road to retail heaven is paved with well upholstered cushions, some delicious beveled ham, and thumb controllers.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm eager to see whether your theory, shared by DIxxx, will be proven true, Blob. Though not eager enough to actually shell out the cash for another over-priced time-waster for my son- who's chomping at the bit to get one, I might add. What's the world coming to? Would it kill him to use the couch to read some good Can-Lit? Mordecai, I apologize for my good-for-nothing son. (just joking, eh? Trav? Just kidding, like)