In the time it's taken you to read this, 7 new products have been introduced to the marketplace. Capitalism has long been the engine that propelled Western society forward but now it is careening and mutating, almost out of control.
Great inventions have changed the way we live but so have some rather terrible ones. Take the proliferation of salad dressing varietals for instance.
When I was a kid Kraft made a manageable assortment of salad dressings: oil and vinegar...(red wine vinegar was considered exotic), Thousand Island, Russian (which was thousand island without the pickle relish), French, Catalina (exactly the same as French but for people who hated France, and something called Ranch which is still the most unappetizing sounding of all the dressings. That was pretty much it
Today Kraft alone makes 65 types of dressing including the 8 types of ranch pictured above!! Other products have followed suit...Kit Kat bars have hybridized like so many of it's chocolate bar cousins. We have Kit Kat in milk, dark, or white chocolate. Kit Kat infused with caramel, flavored with raspberry, orange, coffee or mint. Giant Kit Kats, chunky ones, or Kit Kats pre-broken into individual sticks. Do we really need all these choices. Will we soon see Kit Kats especially for women... or the Lebanese??? ("Now with Chawfa!!")
Some would argue this is all in the natural order of things, indeed Mother nature herself experiments and provides an overabundance of variety. Do we really need a nectarine to be happy...it's merely a peach with a Brazilian and yet, we have nectarines.
Not that this type of proliferation is always a bad thing. A fortuitous confluence of social, environmental, and economic events has brought about a major revolution in women's pants and leggings.
Madonna and now Lady Gaga have encouraged women to embrace their sexuality and to be hot and nearly naked as often as possible. Global warming has made hardly wearing anything (while still feeling empowered) an imperative and tough times have paved the way for savvy entrepreneurs to offer up some inexpensive yet provocative (and liberating) twists on the old stockings and shorts wardrobe staples.
My extensive research points to the American Apparel company as the leaders in this field and after several hours I've been able to come up with what I feel is a representative sampling:
And so this hottest of all summers is just that but in in more ways than one. In fact....oh crap!! That shrew Nan Wilkinson (http://slapper58.blogspot.com/2008/08/important-message-from-editorial-staff.html) just showed up in the office...one sec...."yes Nan...I see what's on my computer, it's for research....NO...the hand cream is because I have dry skin...hey get away from my keyboard. I told you you weren't allowed back here!!! EVER!!
Hi Gang,
I wish I could say that it was nice to be back but I assume that you are as appalled as I with the base tone of this post in particular. I know smut when I see it and American Apparel or not, this is filthy smut, (im)pure and simple. Blob, I implore you...you're better than this. Now go to bed and get a fresh start come morning! And put on a happy face!! :o)
"Yes Nan" :o(
13 comments:
Dear Nan:
Fuck you.
MC
ps. Let the baby have his bottle, you marshmallow-roasting bitch.
Well, I for one am MORE than happy to have a little "soupcon" (as they say "en francais"!) of femininity here at the Blob!
I swear, all the testosterone around here sometimes makes my pretty little head spin! (Just between you and me, Blobeleh, I suspect that both Maria Callous and that UnderworldPrincess are female impersonators... my gawd!!! They're so butch, they scare the bejeebus out of me!!)
Anyhoo, a great big Blob welcome back to Nan W, and...
Oops! My masseur, Jock (he's a total dreamboat, ladies!), has just arrived for my 1:30... gotta run!
T F
Nan Wilkinson writes:
Mr. Funke, thank you so much for the kind words. You remind me of my late uncle Ward, a confirmed bachelor who would come to visit my Mom every so often with his little dog "Fritzi". He was skilled with a needle and thread and knew everything there was to know about gardening.
Every time he'd leave my Mother would look out the window and say "Well...there goes a lovely gentleman, it's a shame he still hasn't found the right woman."
He later moved west and died alone with only his attendant Carl to provide a bit of company and good cheer.
You Mr. Funke, are a lovely gentleman as well...so refreshing given the hate filled tone that often turns the comment section of The Blob into (pardon my language) a real pig sty.
Maria Callous, I don't know you from a hole in the wall but I bet that you and that hole in the wall have a lot in common. That's not very Christian of me to say but since my husband and I parted ways (he was drinking to excess and I just wouldn't have it) I've been trying to assert myself more.
I'm not sure what you and your foul mouth are going on about... but baby, bottles, marshmallows??? Let me assure you that no marshmallows are eaten in my humble home. My husband passed down his egg allergy to my two children so we roast gum instead. Every bit as good and much more colorful!!!
Now run along and go wash your mouth out with soap you little street urchin, I have to help clean up The Blob.
BEST BLOB EVER!!!
Great work, and thank you, Blob! Who knew that salad dressings could be so fascinating??? As you might imagine, being a strict sausage and bacon vegetarian, it's not always easy to put interesting, tasty meals on the table! I'm always on the lookout for new menu ideas... I feel that I've discovered a culinary "El Dorado", and all because of The Blob!
Keep it up, my friend (said the actress to the bishop!)! Haha! Get it, Blob?
And now, I'm off to the kitchen!
Dear E.L. Morton,
I salute you in all your sausage-and-bacon-eating endeavours. Take it any way you can (said the bishop to the actress)!
Dear Nan,
I must apologize for my tone before. I was, as your people might call it, pushing the red baby carriage down the street. I should know better than to use such fowl language. I do indeed need to be washed out with soap! And that reminds me, if you do see your husband, tell him the hole in the wall says hello.
Peace and Love,
MC
Shame on you, Blob!
I've just taken a long, long, very hard look at each and every one of those leggings photos, and Blob, I gotta tell ya... I'm extremely disappointed in you!
It seems to me that you can do much better than this!
Yours in Christ,
Jimmy
As much as I dislike agreeing with that disgraced backslider, the ex-Rev. Swaggart, I have to tell you, Blob, he's right... you CAN do better than this! As a good Christian, you must!
I assure you... righteous, right-thinking Christian Canadians don't want to see this kind of loathsome smut on on their computer screens... I know I don't, so, of course, neither does anyone else! You may be certain that when I get my majority, they won't... oh no; most assuredly, they won't!
The Reform Party of Canada... (ahem)... excuse me... the Conservative Party of Canada will put an end to this kind of disgraceful filth once and for all! COUNT ON IT!
God bless Canada!
S H
Bite me, Steve!
You're even creepier than I am...
Well!! I, for one, just LOVED the leggings feature!
Blobbey, I gotta ask... do the gold ones come in super x-large? Sure hope so (for my full-figured Aunty Ruth's birthday, don't you know! Shh! It's a secret!)!
Best, Toby xx
Well, well...seems everybody save for my old pal Tobias thinks I can do "better than that" and each with their own agenda.
I guess Nan and Prime minister Harper are pretty much on the same 1961 wavelength but what about Jimmy Swaggart?
Jimmy, it's kind of nice to see you still kicking around, biding your time until Benny Hinn gets caught with an underage hooker in Bolivia.
I was simply pointing out the excesses of advertising but try as I might, I couldn't find a model anywhere near as skanky as the flea bitten whore of an unfortunate woman who unwittingly helped topple you and your empire.
If it's trailer trash porn you want maybe Tobias or Maria can steer you to some of their favourite websites.
Tobias...? Maria...? How 'bout it? Give it up for ol' Jimmy!
C'mon!! Who doesn't love a good party, right???
Look... of course, the "Christian" TV show was complete, utter bullshit (just like regular TV!)! But I just wanted to meet the chicks, man! Was that so wrong? Who doesn't want to meet the chicks? Are you kiddin' me??
But you know, I made a TON of money, and, well, let's just say that I got more action than a catholic priest on Good Friday (although, happily, we were trolling in different waters, if you know what I mean...)!
One more VERY IMPORTANT point... at least I wasn't the one who inflicted Tammy Faye upon the world...
WOW! Molto ben, Stephen Harper!!
I am so sure, you hasa what it will takes to make de train of Canada runs on times!
(Where you were 70 year agos, when I and Adolph are needing you?)
BM
Bolivia??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! What the heck are you talking about, Blob?? Oh, man, you kill me!! Where do you comedians get this stuff??
BOLIVIA?!?!?! That's kooky talk!!! Why, I don't even know where Bolivia IS! I SWEAR!! Where on earth do you people get these crazy ideas that SO OBVIOUSLY are not true??? Oh, man!! Bolivia!! Good one, Blob!!
But... just between you and me, and my Dear Friend, God? I know all about your little "problem" in the bedroom... look; it's no biggie... I'll take care of it!! I'm a Faith Healer, after all! I'll have a talk with God, and, problem solved, OK, big guy? I've got your back (or, in this case, your front!! Hahahahaha!!)! You're welcome!!!
So... to summarize... no more goofy, silly, TOTALLY NOT TRUE irresponsible stories about Bolivia (wherever THAT is, and where I've NEVER EVER been, right, Blob??? Hahaha! Know what I'm sayin??), and before you know it you'll be tickin' like a Timex (remember the old ads, Blob? "takes a lickin', and keeps on tickin'"... that'll be you again, my good friend!!); why, it'll be just like you're 21 again!!!
Do we have a deal, Blob? (Don't make me call my lawyers, my friend!!! You don't want that...)
BTW... Mr. Swaggart is an idiot, and Tammy Faye was a damned ugly pooch... (woof woof!!!)
B H
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