As you all know, The Blob is usually a clearing house for all sorts of useless information, occasionally an advice blog, and on those most rare of instances* a personal web diary (*i.e. an important pie baking contest, my ex mistakenly sending my strapping 15 yr. old son to a winter-break teen activity camp for retarded and handicapped kids). Blogs as public diaries are almost always an exercise in narcissism and boredom which is why I only take The Blob in this direction with a great amount of forethought. Anyways, here it is....true story:
Yesterday I did the 3rd of 6 shows at a medium sized theater in Laval. It's a French comic operetta with a rather talented cast and a small pit orchestra. Earlier in the week I decided to bring my cell phone into the pit as a timer to make sure we weren't getting stiffed on breaks, rehearsal duration etc. I never do this for obvious reasons and have been rather consistent about this rule during the thousands of gigs that I've done over many years. On this occasion I put the phone on vibrate mode during the dress rehearsal and actually received a call which was completely inaudible...I figured "what the hell" and kept on bringing it into the pit for the shows.
I'm using my old cell phone these days (my other one was stolen) and I forgot that when I get a message the phone plays a little 5 second song at full volume no matter what setting I have it on so sure it enough it goes off for the 1st time in my life right during the 1st act. Of course the orchestra wasn't playing at this time and there was only one dimly lit actor addressing the audience at center stage. I was mortified and then completely stunned when I realized what had just happened: at that point in the play the actor, according to script, hears a cell phone and chastizes the audience for not heeding the pre-show announcement. He then sheepishly realizes it's his own phone, reaches for it on his belt, and has a conversation with the supposed caller. My phone rang exactly on the scripted cell phone cue and for the proper duration!!!!
No one in the crowd noticed a thing but the actor and everyone in the pit were baffled. At the intermission I announced to the my colleagues that it was me, it was an accident (and not a practical joke), and that I now believed in God.
post script: I've since reconsidered the whole belief in God thing but my opinion will shift again this Wednesday when I win 35 million in the lottery.
6 comments:
Blob -
A wonderful and entertaining lie - really one of your
finest lies yet. [I might have had a member of the
little orchestra make a sarcastic comment at the end - perhaps a wiseguy horn player who reveals he was on to you from the beginning or something - but
that's just me]
Anyway, congratulations once again for the exemplary falsehood.
Happy lying,
Ken D. [MP]
Dear Ken,
Hasn't anyone at AA told you not to write letters when you're wasted?? I'm in the business of making people happy by coaxing nice sounds out of certain things by hitting them with certain other things.
You sir are a politician. Your job is to use lies, slander, and calumny to achieve and cling to power. I have many witnesses who will vouch for the veracity of my story and I have thousands more who will second the following: Remember the big New Years eve game, Canadiens vs. Red Army??
You sucked!!!!
All the best (etc.)
Blob
Bl -
Hand, foot, or part I would not lend, set, or take in AA. My drinking helps me see things as they are.
[and if that bastard Claude Ruel hadn't confiscated
my private fund of locker-room Jim Beam before the
game, I'd have sparkled on New Year's Eve [vs. the
Ruskies].
K.D. [MP]
I've had plenty of cellphone embarrassments and they NEVER ended as happily as yours did. Does that mean there's a God who's only watching YOUR back, Blob, cause if so, I think s/he sucks and it's not fair.
Ooo Mama C, tell us more !!!
Yes Mama C do tell. I suppose you could argue that God is watching out for me (said the triple amputee who used his remaining arm to pick up a lucky quarter from the road just befor he was hit by a bus)
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