1. Anyone who doesn't know what's going on with Mel Gibson must have been locked in a trunk somewhere. For the rest of us his trials and tribulations of the past week have a strange resonance with "the greatest story ever told". We in the media have been quick to pass judgement but how many of us can honestly say that at one time or another we haven't been caught speeding while drunk and then ranted anti-semitic nonsense to the officer involved? Mr. Gibson has graciously granted the Blob this exclusive interview as part of his well publicized "healing through outreach to Jews" mea culpa. The questions were not discussed beforehand.

Blob: Good evening Mr. Gibson...may I call you Mel?

MG: Be my guest.

Blob: I guess we should start from the beginning. Your father...holocaust denier or misunderstood eccentric?

MG: I suppose you could say he was a bit of both. He never really denied the holocaust but he did say it wasn't as bad as everybody says it was. I can't sit here and apologize for him but if what he said was wrong then I'm sure he'd be the 1st to admit it once he was shown the proof. He was a difficult man....

Blob: Fair enough.... Sexiest man alive, Academy award winner, box office golden boy...why the sad face?

MG: You're not serious are you? If you mean why am I depressed I could give you the 2 hour answer if I was really sure what it was but that's best saved for my analyst....God knows I'm paying her enough (slightly forced laughter). The short answer is that I started drinking again, and heavily. After I did "The Passion" I started looking at my life and in a weird sort of way Judaism became more and more appealing....this despite all my previous beliefs! It was as though I was being ripped in two. As always, for me at least, booze was the answer.

Blob: Listen Mel, we can settle this right here...I have an exacto knife and I'm sure I have some numbing agent left. We can start the conversion! You're not circumsized are you?

MG: No...at least I wasn't last time I checked (guffaw). Anyways that's the dumbest idea I ever heard and I say that with all due respect to the Jewish community. I'm not interested in converting, only in finding out why I'm such a racist bastard. I was hoping you and other more important Jews could help me in my voyage of personal discovery.

Blob: Well....the circumcision was sort of my only idea....my best one at any rate.

MG: You had others? What were they?

Blob: They were more about penance than penis (general grinning) but I couldn't think of any thing appropriate.

MG: This has pretty much been a total waste of time.

Blob: Sorry.....can you sign my arm?.......Wait!!......Bye Mel.....Mel!!