The Blob Year in Review "Rear View Mirror"Annual Retrospective: A Look Back

The end of the year is a time for taking stock, getting one's house in order, and moving ahead optimistically.

Here at The Blob it's been a year of steady readership growth, improved photoshop skills, brazen envelope pushing and a 27% increase in nudity (Saudi Arabia....you know you love it!!)

As always I've assembled a team of expert panelists to choose The Blob post of the year so let's run down the top item from each month before we announce the winner.

JANUARY: Although I was gone for the half the month it was still avery good crop of articles. Nothing can beat Jan. 1 for it's combination of warm Xmas/family values and perversity.

FEBRUARY: An interesting month although I didn't really hit my stride till later on. Best photo is from the 23rd but Feb. 26th and Aretha Franklin: 3 Times a Lady takes it by a chin.

MARCH: No 1st choice here. It was a slow month (only 8 posts!)marked by mild depression and major comp problems. Readership was way down, winter was dragging it's feet, let's move on.

APRIL: A month of recovery and discovery. Apr. 23rd wins with the help of the Lauren Butterfield links. http://oxygen.feedroom.com/?skin=oneclip&fr_story=d77d887a77405cc19ab0c1b9d141a21a3d645b0c&rf=ev

I urge you to check these out. If you don't you're a lazy,misguided chunk of crap.

MAY: The Blob gets it's groove back. My own personal favorite (Euphoniach, May 10) didn't make the cut because of a little something from May 22nd called "Where's the Jewish Porn?".

This post introduced me to the Arab world and gave a huge boost to the readership numbers.

JUNE: A watershed month and June 26th takes the prize! This was the day when Mikexxxster and Maria Callous both graced The Blob for the 1st time. They have gone on to provide a sickly kind of sexual tension that this site so badly needed. At present Mikexxxster seems to have dropped the ball and I've had to move in and assume his role. This included an extended holiday stay with Maria at her parent's party palace (was it 2 or 3 times we hot tubbed together) where I handled her flirtations with an avuncular dignity that Mikexxxster could only dream of...example; I only chuckled and crossed my legs demurely when Maria, about to pour me a beer, asked: "I can't think of any other way to phrase this...do you like head??(giggle)" She was of course refering to the beer foam (I think).

JULY: A prolific 21 post month!! Pope's and fries, the first cock shot courtesy of Michaelangelo and a magnifying glass but we have a winner and it's July 24th and the Euph!!! playbill cover. So authentic that it even fooled M. Callous.

AUGUST: Marked by controversy, cleavage, and competition this was indeed a busy month. Regular contributor Dixxx stirred up trouble by writing in as a woman named Maria del Clevagio who I mistook for Maria Callous thereby inspiring the wrath of her mother, Mama C.

The competition was a pie baking contest that was chronicled here and wins a rare "series" award for single-theme-based posts spread over several days.

SEPTEMBER: And the winner is....September 12th Ask Uncle Blob where this site truly fulfilled it's mandate as an advice resource. The Blob community rallied around young oenophile Maria C. and her man problems. In the coming year we can only wish her a ready and steady supply of men and/or wine (as the french say; coq au vin)

OCTOBER: Very difficult to choose with Tterbfan (AKA Ken Dryden), Dixxx and the Callouses acting as catalysts for some good posting. Let's give it to Oct 12 and 15 for the Dixxx wedding.

NOVEMBER: A no brainer...November 22nd for GF Phyllis' birthday post (see: appeasment)

DECEMBER: Definitely December 19th the Wilsons. After all, what would this site be without the euphonium, the people who play it, and the inspiration it gives me. (Honorable mention to the Roberta Flack interview and album cover Dec. 4).

and now the moment we've all been waiting for....judges, the envelope please (cue timpani roll)

And the winner for Blob Post of the Year goes to...damn I can never open these things....WOW, this is a shocker......from November 28th....2006????? The Greatest Orchestra Ever http://www.flurl.com/item/Naked_Asian_Orchestra_u_202435

Good night everyone!! God bless and drive safely.

Slimy the Slime Mold Proudly Presents:

" Let's Start an Internet Rumor!!"

SLIMY: Hey, hi, and hello to Blobophiles of all ages. I guess everybody is having a great time on their Christmas vacation but if you're like me then you're probably getting a bit bored by now and you know what that means...

KIDS: We have to make our own fun!!!!

SLIMY: Exactly and what could be more fun than starting a rumor. Let's see...hmmm....any ideas. Yes...Timmy?

TIMMY: What about the assassination of Benazir Bhutto???

KIDS: YAYYYYYY!!!!!!

SLIMY: That's a terrific idea Timmy!!

She was a famous lady who believed in freedom and who wanted to be president again, just like she used to be, but other people from that place called Pakistan think that ladies should just make babies and supper. Meanwhile American president George Bush made friends with Pervez Musharraf (who is the sneaky president of Pakistan now) so that he could help kill the bad terrorists. Pervez and his very strong army were helping a lot which is also good for Israel, a country that the bad Arabs want to destroy but Benazir was so popular that everyone was secretly afraid that she'd win the election and not be as good at killing the bad guys.

The Americans pretended to like her but still sent 11 BILLION dollars to Pervez because he was the best killer friend they had, even though they don't know where most of that money went...yes Cindy???

CINDY: Does that mean that they really didn't want Mrs. Bhutto to win an election??

SLIMY: It sure seems that way and she was killed because one of the crazy, bad Arabs got really close to her car and shot her in the head and then blew everybody up. She had asked Pervez for more people to protect her but she never got them. Does anyone know who's really responsible for the shooting??.....Jaden?

JADEN: ummm....the Mod Squad??

KIDS: (howls of raucous and derisive laughter)

SIMON: I think he means the Mossad, the secret service from Israel

SLIMY: Very good Simon and so who is really responsible for all this mess......come on, I'm sure you all know.....

KIDS: The Jews!!!!!

SLIMY: Exactly!!!!

KIDS: YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!

People....People who need Peepholes

Just back from the Party Palace in Kingston after the 1st annual Blobophile Convention.

Fans of all ages, sexes, and colors (from pasty white to mildly embarassed pink) were in attendance including Party Bear, The Callouses (Maria and Mama) and a brief cameo walk-on by none other than Mikexxxster.

As the convention coincided with Christmas the usual trappings of ornament covered tree, decorative stockings and traditional Yule puke bucket were in evidence but nobody was really there to celebrate the birth of Jesus. This was instead a chance for all Blob lovers to buy and sell Blob memorabilia, trade anecdotes and get updated on the latest goings on at their favorite blog.

Here's a fascinating tidbit overheard at a convention soirée; "I hear The Blob received an award from the TRA (Turkmenistan religious authority) for using humor to help bridge the gap between Baluchistan and Khyrgystan!"

I think that says it all...a virtual non-stop funfest!!!

About now you're probably asking "OK, fine....so why the naked chick??" and well you may ask.

My room, while lovingly appointed was windowless and pitch black at all hours of the day (if the door was closed). As it so happened one wall seperated me from the lower floor bathroom and while it was made of stone there was a wooden section in the corner that was opposite the shower. I noticed 3 pinholes of light coming from that area one morning and decided to investigate. Sure enough some pervert had drilled through the wood so he could peak into the stall and sorrounding area. One hole was at foot fetish level, the 2nd was for viewing genitalia and buttocks and the 3rd higher still for face and chest areas. Whiler I never actually made use of these peepholes I was leaving before the rest of the guests and I was afraid that the holes would be discovered and I'd be blamed in absentia (which is probably the worst place to be blamed in). "

Should I say something or just hope for the

WE INTERRUPT THIS POST FOR LATE BREAKING NEWS:

Pakistani oppostion leader Benazir Bhutto is dead. Now back to The Blob

........geez......sorry about that but this is a sickening if not unexpected event that may have serious repercussions for us all. Bhutto was a true democrat and patriot who's courage in the face of mindless extremism may prove to be an even greater force in death than it was in life. The moderates in the Muslim world must rise up and take back their religion.

Ms. Bhutto, besides being a reknowned stateswoman was also #2 after Segolene Royale, on the Blob FLILF list (ed. note: the FL stands for foreign leader). She will be sorely missed.

The global instability emanating from the middle east has forced oil prices even higher. As a result the Canadian dollar has seen a dramatic increase in its value which in turn benefits me no end. I'll be leaving for Colombia in less than a week and thanks to all the turmoil my purchasing power will be even greater than it was when I was there last year!..... "Camarero, make that two orders of ceviché and keep the change!!"

More later as events unfold.

I'm Leaving for the Party Palace

Somewhere just outside of Kingston, Ontario is where the Clan of the Party Bear (all regular contributors to and readers of The Blob) will be holing up for the holiday period. I'll be inflicting myself upon them for the next few days so I thought I'd leave you with one more post to mull over in my absence. What should it be though, perhaps something travel related, with a party palace theme. Let's go to Taiwan and take a look at a veritable potty palace; the fabled Modern Toilet Restaurant!!

(The reporter in the video succumbed to the temptation but I will try to resist hurling one bad feces related pun after another at my treasured readers)

The menu consists mostly of traditional Chinese fare but for Christmas they've added a spectacular yet troubling Turducken, an interesting peanut-corn fudge loaf, and a realistic Yule log. I can only hope that the food in Kingston will be as appetizing. Merry Christmas!!!!

Element of the Year 2007 edition - and the Mendy goes to.....

Rotterdam Institute of Science and Technology - The Netherlands

With Professors Feith and Jansen hosting the proceedings this year's Mendy Awards celebration went off without a hitch. The veteran Dutch comedy duo kept the audience in stitches with their version of Tom Lehrer's "The Element Song" and kept the evening moving along at a nice clip until it was time for the big announcement; this year's Mendy winner for element of the year. Named after Dmitri Mendeleev, inventor of the periodic table, the Mendy goes to the element that for whatever reason garnered the most notoriety during the preceding 12 months. Last year's victor, Polonium, was on hand to pass on the torch and the suspense built to a fever pitch as sometime around 11 p.m. presenters Paula Abdul and Simon Fuller announced that Lead , good old Pb 82, was taking home the honour.

This war horse of a metal, in use for thousands of years, has seen its star rise during the past several months thanks in large part to the Chinese and their love of inexpensive lead-based paints that give their toys a nice sheen and a dangerously elevated level of toxicity.

Lead was in attendance with Pam Anderson who didn't deny rumors that the 2 were an item. "I don't want to say too much" said the platinum and silicone starlet "but I love heavy metal and this guy is the heaviest!!"

As they zoomed off for the traditional after party and post-after party we were left to wonder if next year would be the year for an inert gas to finally have its moment in the spotlight. With the world helium shortage in full swing don't be surprised if element number 2 is feeling lighter than air some 12 months from now. Remember...you heard it here first!!

Genetic Engineering - A Clear and Present Danger (step 1: read article - step 2: view video)

While the future of genetic technology has both scientists and laypeople alike rubbing their hands in anticipation we must remain ever vigilant lest these applications fall into the wrong hands. In the not too distant future we may be confronted with a situation where a rich, egomaniacal celebrity, a Michael Jackson say, decides to perpetuate his DNA by having it implanted into another equally famous and like-minded megastar. Even though his career is on the skids his essence could get out on stage every night while he and his decaying face could remain in Neverland watching a live closed circuit feed.
No right thinking scientist would foist such a horrendous creature upon an unwitting world and yet there are those who, for the proper remuneration, would do just about anything. Narcissistic hybrids like the one seen above (a worst case scenario) may become the rule rather than the exception with all sorts of symbiotic deals worked out to boost sagging careers.
As George Bush once said: "Don't wish for stuff you want because if you do too hard you'll get it, you'll get the thing but it may not be what....you shouldn't wish."

Putting the Oompah Back in Christmas

The teachers leading the school choir -- made up of Grade 2 and 3 pupils -- have dropped the word 'Christmas' from Silver Bells and replaced it with the word "festive." So, when the choir performs tomorrow at a singalong assembly, instead of singing, "soon it will be Christmas Day," they will sing, "soon it will be a festive day."

So reports The Ottawa Citizen in what is just another example of the war on Christmas that shows no signs of letting up. This is a holiday that celebrates history's most famous Jew and I for one can no longer sit idly by. First they try to take the Christ out of Christmas and now this (from an article in the Lakeland Examiner):

The traditional and festive sound of the euphonium may well become a thing of the past in Minnesota if local commissioners have their way. Apparently the sound of hundreds of kids caroling on their majestic low brass instruments have been coaxing lonely moose out of the forest and occasionaly onto our highways leading so far to one confirmed fatality. Defiant teens have already begun playing their favorite Xmas tunes under the cover of darkness in anticipation of the draconian crackdown.

It's time to fight back and I urge people of all faiths to join me in my campaign to put the oompah back in Christmas. Buy a CD (such as the one pictured below), invite a euphoniumist over for some eggnog and have him play for you, try to smile and look grateful, avoid looking at your watch or cleaning under your fingernails. Any little gesture will help as we try to take back the holiday from the secular and anti-musical forces of evil. The poor lad in the video clip above is but a lone voice in the Godless wilderness. Close your eyes and imagine a world without that velvety euphonium sound. Would we really be better off????

Venezuelan National Penis Week at The Blob Continues

Dixxx said...
Dear Blob,

Is there such a thing as kosher porn?

A few days ago Dixxx, a regular contributor, asked this of me and may have felt that I was ignoring him. The truth of the matter is that I've been researching the question and have had a lot of trouble coming up with what one may actually call kosher porn. Kosher laws are of course dietary and while there is a crossover between food, eating, and sex most famously exhibited in this scene from the Japanese screen classic Tampopo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNB7LLa1BsA I can't honestly say that there's much erotic potential in kreplach, tzimmes, schmalz herring and other Jewish favorites.

I was about to give up when I came across a site devoted to teaching kosher law to today's internet generation using strong images that many of us older folks might find distasteful. Said Lubavitcher Rabbi and creator of the site Mordechai Blaustein; "Sometimes it takes a picture with a little zetz (oomph) to get the kids today to remember. We're not allowed to beat them anymore so we use images of sex and violence just like the machers (big shots) out in Hollywood."

I'm not going to reprint the whole catalogue of rules and accompanying pictures but here's just one example using a kosher salami that I like to call "Hung Jewry".

Breaking News

dateline- Gaza

An angry protest has broken out among women in the Hamas controlled section of the West bank over internet access and in particular a restrictive law that forbids them from viewing a little known blog called The Blob. Spokeswoman Rafiqa Sayagh claims that religious authorities reserve the right for men to see the blog in question but feel that it is inappropriate for women. "This is completely wrong. Why must we be deprived of such favorites as Slimy the slime mold and Turd Stuffington??! We think our men go to this site because there are rumors of Jewish porn.....this we must find out!!"

At present the Israeli army is taking a wait and see approach but the violence is threatening to spread as news of the uprising becomes known in other regions.

The Blob has become a popular websearch target in the Arab world of late as unfounded rumors abound about the availability of treasured Jewish porn. Once they find the site many are persuaded to stick around for the timely socio-political commentary, entertainment news, and the mild yet amusing sexual content.

Stay tuned for more infromation as the story unfolds.

Members Only

Maria Callous said...
Blob! What the effseeyoukay? This may be the cosmo talking, but I think you should post a cock shot or something for us ladies. I'm sick of this beaver farm you've created.

This was the gist of the comment that a slightly inebriated Maria C. wrote re: the Dec 11th post. Feel free to read the rest.

I understand her concern but part of me is thinking that she is blowing this issue way out of proportion. Very few posts on The Blob deal with genitalia and the male to female ratio of those that do is fairly well split right down the middle! There is little if any gender bias here.

Still though, I aim to please and it just so happens to be National Penis Week in Venezuela....so declared by Dictator Hugo Chavez in commemoration of a self portrait that he did as a child that his most fervent disciples now see as a prophetic image of future power and dominance.

So there's your "cock shot" Maria, maybe not as explicit as you'd hoped but a hot blooded opera singer such as yourself must at least appreciate the fact that it's not a "flaccido domingo". I've built this site from the ground up always keeping in mind that The Blob is a place for open minded and immature people. If it's porn you want I've heard that some is available, possibly for free even, on the internet. By all means, let me know if you have any success!

Speaking of building I'd like to say a few words about our beloved white elephant, the Olympic Stadium, home to the Montreal Expos before they moved to Washington a couple of years ago. It's a crumbling, concrete behemoth, built in a scuzzy, out-of-the-way part of town. It was supposed to have had a working retractable roof but it only ever worked for a couple of months and has long since been fixed in place all for the low cost of a billion dollars!! The arrogant Parisian architect responsible for this monstrosity is named Roger Taillibert and recently some words he spoke in 2001 have come back to haunt him. Check out the pic....another cock shot for Maria C. and my female readership....happy now????

Forbidden Fruit

One of the most utterly tasteless and comedically brilliant moments in Woody Allen's body of work occurs during the "What's My Perversion" game show parody in the film Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTWJwToMh3E

(SPOILER ALERT: watch the clip before reading on!!!)

At the end of the show an elderly Rabbi gets to live out his perverted fantasy and is bound to a chair while a tall Aryan woman whips him and his wife kneels at his feet and eats pork.

Besides dealing with submission, domination, and humiliation Mr. Allen is speaking directly to the human desire to taste of the forbidden fruit, perceived as being so delicious and desireable precisely because of its unattainable nature.

During the last week or so I've watched as this predisposition is playing itself out right here at The Blob. Using Site Meter I can track how many hits my site has and what country they originate from and it so happens that traffic from Arab countries (Saudi Arabia, Iran, Syria etc.) is way up! We're talking zero to dozens in the space of a few days and it wasn't long before I figured out why. The image at left from a May 22nd, 2007 post about the absence of Jewish porn has been flying around Arab cyberspace faster than a suicide bombers head after a "martyrdom event".

"What's up with that??" I asked myself and sure enough after a bit of internet research I had my answer courtesy of the following article:

The Israeli-Palestinian conflict apparently does not disturb and even encourages Arab internet users from consuming kosher Hebrew porn. Operators of a number of porn sites report that between two and 10% of their users arrive from Muslim countries like Saudi Arabia, Tunisia, Jordan, Egypt, and the Palestinian Authority. Some websites even go as far as offering services in Arabic.

In the past several months we see an increase in traffic from countries that have no diplomatic ties with Israel including Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Egypt," Shahar said.
Due to the demand, Shahar added an Arabic version of the site. Looking at photos
"We get hundreds of hits from surfers that live in countries where porn is prohibited," said Gil Naftali owner and operator of another Hebrew sex site, SexV. "We don't have an Arabic version because users log in to watch photos and video clips that require no explanations."

According to site statistics, last month there were over 2,000 hits from Riad, the capital of Saudi Arabia. The average time a Saudi surfer spends on SexV is 17:23 minutes.

Data also shows that 10 percent of the visitors to the most popular sex site in Israel, Domina, are Arabic speakers. "That is because we offer content in their language," said Tzahi who operates the site.

It seems as though Arabs have been googling "Jewish Porn" and are being directed to the May 22nd Blob post. They in turn tell their friends and relatives all over ther Middle East, Europe, and N. America and voila....my readership numbers have skyrocketed. A hearty Salaam Aleikum to all my Arab brethren. Who knew that a little bit of kosher ass would help bridge the gap between our two great peoples!!

Rethinking Homer

I dont' get it.What guy would want to play with that?

So asks TO Mave in relation to the Homer Simpson photo (dec. 11)

Mikexxster finds it attractive while Waylon Smithers is repulsed and then there's my GF who thinks the element of pedophelia (with the older, meaty and hairy hand pawing at the young girl) is quite distasteful. I had a different take on the picture. To me the guy was just being a helpful gentleman (genitalman??) helping the girl hold her panties out of the way just as a chivalrous man may hold a door open for a woman.

In deference to Phyllis I've reformatted the picture in question but that leaves the whole gender bending issue unresolved. I don't know what to tell you other than Vag-Homer is like a Rorschach ink blot test and beauty remains, as always, in the eye of the beholder

Just when I thought I couldn't like Homer Simpson more...

There are no limits to human creativity, none!! As the new year approaches I can't help but get a little reflective (and I don't mean my sweaty, glistening forehead). Looking back on this past year of Blobbing it's safe to say that I'm still amazed by the heights and depths of human achievement and today's photo manages to exemplify both at once.

I'm sorry if it offends either fans of the Simpson's (this is not at all likely) or the more prudish among us. I happen to think that the human body is a miraculous gift from God and should be displayed unclothed within certain age, gender, and weight limits.

While this photograph provides ample inspiration for dozens of tasteless jokes

(i.e. Homer's 5 o'clock shadow, Homer needing a breath mint etc.) I'll abstain and let this image speak for itself.

Lady Justice Scores the Hat Trick

A simple pig farmer turned homicidal maniac, a star quarterback with a brutal flaw, and a remorseless and greedy billionaire bully boy. Today Lady Justice has seen fit to convict all three and her scales have tipped back towards the prosecution. This is a great day for the rule of law!!

After O.J. walked people lost faith in our legal system but that is all in the past. These 3 men from different backgrounds and socio-economic strata have found common ground and it's sorrounded by electrified fences and razor wire.

With all the sentences handed down within the last 24 hours we now will bear witness to all manner of pundits weighing in about whether the punishments fit the crimes.

If I were a judge I'd have sentenced the lot of them to a gladiator style battle to the death like in Star Trek when Kirk had to fight for the amusement of those tiny guys with the huge, throbbing, veiny, skulls.

Robert Picton is the wiliest and probably fights really dirty...I'd let him have a cat o'nine tails. The imperious and Darth Vader like Conrad Black would get a shield and trident while the hyper athletic Michael Vick would have to have one of his ankles broken BUT would get to use a long handled hatchet. They'd all get oiled up, don some sort of tunic, and have at it....damn it.....yet another of my posts is starting to sound like gay S and M porn!!

I think I'll go phone my girlfriend.

You want stupid?? I'LL show you stupid!!!

Watch this clip first and we can discuss it afterwards....go ahead, I can wait...................................................................................................OK? All right , I'll wait some more, no problem.............................................................................Ready?? Good.

When discussing personal well being the realms of philosophy and theology often intersect. When this happens on The View and the actress Sherri Sheperd is involved we the viewers can add jaw dropping incredulity to the mix. I suppose there will always be stupid people but surely we can find a way to keep them from having an electronic pulpit where they can preach their ignorance to the masses.
Maybe I'm being a bit too hard on Sherri. It's easy for us to guffaw but she may have been making a very subtle argument for the primacy of the holy trinity where Jesus as one 3rd of the divine triumvirate has existed for all eternity but only appeared as the fleshy, beardy,manifestation of God some 2000 years ago......nah..... she's just stupid!
Then again, who says that just because she's on TV she has to know everything. All of us watch TV every day but how many of us really know how it works. Sherri has just managed to get through life without knowing what the letters BC mean when placed after a year.
These things happen.

Channukah goes Chai Tech

Channukah is here again. In fact we're almost half way through as tonight we light the 4th of 8 candles on the menorrah, the traditional holiday candelabra. Take a look back at the archives from dec.12 2006 for the original dreidel ad and then read on to see what my sponsor has come up with for this year's model. It's all very exciting!

"There are dreidels and there are dreidels and then there is this year's SpinMaster 3000 v.2 Exxxtreme model which keeps all of the original's treasured features and schmeers on a thick layer of hi tech extras that'll have the competition choking on their own phlegm!!"

So begins the latest rave review from the December edition of Tech Times.
Yes this is a new dreidel but not to worry....the same Swiss bevelling, gyroscopic action, and floating beryllium core are back. The craftsmen at Hyman's Judaica along with a team of engineers from Israel's Technion University have spared no expense in fashioning a dreidel for the cyber generation and let's just say this baby isn't made of clay!!
OK, the specs:

1. 4 x 1.8" LCD screens with HD capability
2. 4 x USB ports for all your peripherals
3. A state of the art GPS system with satellite friendly hub axis
4. WiFi ready with fold out keypad and stylus

Even if you're not Jewish this is the must have tech toy of the season. Stand back Nintendo Wi, move aside Play Station 3; There's a new kid on the block.....he's bad and he's circumcised!!

Not kvelling yet??? Maybe you should see a doctor or a mortician better!

Another Blob Exclusive: An Interview with Miss Roberta Flack

Yes she is still alive, working, and sounding as great as she ever did back in the days when she had a string of soulful hits that went on to become classic pop standards. Roberta Flack backed by a fabulous band and an equally impressive 45 piece orchestra conquered Montreal's Bell Centre last night at a one-time-only private performance.

I was lucky enough to be part of the orchestra and managed to get ahold of Miss Flack before the show for a short Blob interview:

Blob-Good evening Roberta I was wondering if I could just have a few moments of...hey buddy get your friggin hands off my arm!! I was only trying to speak to Miss Flack (shows security pass) OK then...thank you. Anyways welcome to Montreal. I'm with a little site called The Blob. Can I ask a few questions?

RF- The what???!!

Blob- It's my blog...it's not important. Ummm....What brings you to our fair city?

RF- Well child it sure as hell isn't the weather (raucous laughter) My lord you people sure know how to handle snow. Back where I come from they would've closed the state down for a week!!

I'm just here for this Future Electronics Christmas show. It's a pleasure to play in Montreal again but I have an issue with a certain Canadian that maybe you could help me with.

Blob- Sure Aretha, I mean Roberta...sorry. What can I do?

RF- Have you heard of this guy called Robert Picton, the mass murderer?

Blob- You mean the one from British Columbia accused of killing and butchering dozens of prostitutes at his pig farm/processing plant, who's year long trial recently ended and who now awaits the verdict from a sequestered jury?

RF- Yeah that's the guy...anyways a fan of mine says that she heard of a rumor about a CD this guy released that supposedly rips off a lot of my stuff. I haven't been able to confirm this... being Canadian do you think there's any way you could help?

Blob- Sure Roberta, I'm something of an expert at web based research. If there's an album out there I'll find it for sure!

RF- Thanks ever so much, you're a real doll and by the way, that shaker groove you layed down at the end of the 1st tune was spectacular. I better go warm up now. God Bless.

After the show I raced home to start my web search and sure enough I had the evidence within minutes. Robert Picton is a monster no doubt and a cheap rip off artist as well. May he rot in prison for eternity!!

Of Stars and Idols

Yet another unfortunate victim of the the entertainment/mass media/industrial complex (or EMMIC) is the superlative. Over the years this verbal currency has been devalued as reporters try to be more effusive than the competition. In this extreme, mega environment words like greatness, idol, and star seem to have lost any real meaning. A recent report of the murder of Emily Sander is a good case in point. She was an 18 year old student and for whatever reason decided to make a few bucks getting nude and raunchy on line. She was murdered last week but the story of this young girl was sensationalized by all major news outlets where she was referred to as a porn star. Talk about an oxymoron. There are thousands and thousands of people doing what she did and none of them should be called a star.....let's reserve that word for a miss Katherine Hepburn or a Mr. Jimmy Stewart. Porn is so ubiquitous on the net that it's almost impossible to avoid (try as I might). Why just yesterday when researching the erudite pundit William F. Buckley I mistakenly typed William B. Fuckley...oy, the things that I saw!!
The video above shows a former American Idol finalist, Kelly Pickler, on a US game show. She is known by million, looked up to as a role model by young wannabees and wears the title Idol proudly. Watch the clip and you'll realize how very wrong this is.
Let's re-empower these words by using them more selectively. We can start here and now: This site is great, fabulous, and terrific while most others are merely fine or good.
A site like MrEquipment. com is excellent, especially since founder Colin Muray gave me a nice mention that has sent a flood of interested brass players my way. I'm still not sure what Mr. Equipment does but the site shouldn't be confused with Mr. Medical Equipment or Mr. Drug Paraphernalia, two sites that some of my jazz buddies tell me are incredibly fantabulous.
If you want to see something truly stupendous (it features the tuba...need I say more?) check this out. It will cleanse the palate if the taste of Pickler is still clinging to the back of your tongue like yesterday's souvlaki. (which was superb by the way!!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4_am24J56M