Fashion File: Kabul

A big hello to all the fashion afficionados out there. Blob's 1st fashion file is your one-stop resource center for what's hot and what's not, who's chic and who's a freak, where to spend on the hottest trends, and so on and so forth.
Since the routing of the Taliban and the election of the luscious president Karzai some years back, women in Afghanistan are once again struttin' their stuff. Today we go to Kabul to take a look at designs that will soon be turning heads in Milan, NewYork, and Paris.

Saleema is looking radiant swathed in this flowing, lilac organza burqa by T'aq Ul Wahar


















Ready to entertain guests or aid the insurgency Waffna sports this stunning black number by Oulmech of Al Khalil












The brazen Habiba flashes a bit of toe in this burqa of black with ornate silver filagree. Ooh Allah Allah!!
(make-up by Ch'ackh)


















Ciao for now from the Blob's fashion File.

Slapper's Book Club Pick 'o' the Month

Book clubs are all the rage but I can't confess to being an avid reader. Doing anything else is just too tempting therefore I'll be formatting my club thusly: near the end of each month I'll suggest a book so if you read on you'll get your suggestion for May. As there's only 1 day left before June that doesn't really give anyone enough time to 1st, find the book and then read it so that effectively eliminates the "guilt about procrastination" vibe that is my least favorite part of any such group. "How the hell are we supposed to read the book?" you may well ask. I'm sure that if you really want to you'll find a way. Without further ado here's this month's selection, Percy Bysshe Shelley's nostalgic and bittersweet look back at his adolescence:

It Can Act Too?!?!!

tterbfan said...
Enough with the pencils! Did you know that beforeJack Nicholson stole the part, the role of McMurphy[in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest] actually belonged to a handsome quantity of ytterbium?


Well....I've been lucky enough to come into posession of some pre-release PR for the film and indeed it WAS starring Ytterbium! Apparently some studio execs got a bit jittery about hiring a chunk of metallic ore and the rest is history. Some years later, Ytterbium's agent made up the story about Nicholson stealing the part as he had done earlier after Alan Arkin beat out Ytterbium for the role of Yossarian in 1970's Catch 22.

Pencil Sex

Leadbelly of N.D.G. writes: (an actual contributor)

How do you stand on the whole mechanical pencil issue? When they first came out they were made of little bits of pencil stacked on top of each other. You had to take the dull one out and stick it in the bottom to get a sharp lead. How did you feel when you rammed that faded bit of lead (maybe with a little too much violence) into its final resting place?

Allow me to reply:

While I do love pencils and realize that they are clearly some sort of phallic symbol, the not-so-subtle erotic underpinnings of your post gave rise to a couple of questions of my own.

1. How are things at home with you and the old man? (if you know what I mean)
2. Did you know what you were doing when you wrote "stick it in the bottom" and "rammed with a little too much violence into its final resting place" or are you just plain innocent?
3. Is it hot in here or is it me?

As for mechanical pencils I do have a certain amount of nostalgia for the early pushy ones but in general they're annoying (even the best modern ones). Gimme the old wood'n'graphite any day!

User Manual

This is for you fellow luddites out there....if you see a post of mine that you'd like to comment on look under its last line and you'll see a yellow "comment" printed. Click on this and then go to town. Even if you want to ask an unrelated question just do the same thing on the most recent post. In the links section you can cut and paste any listed website (paste it into the address box) for extra fun. Of course you have to sign up to this site but that takes 1 minute and then you're finished and never have to do it again....promise.

Amateur Orchestras: Curse or Blight

Here's an interesting post I just received:

Dear Blob,Why do people go to amateur orchestra concerts? They sound bad and are
really boring. I assume it's only the orchestra members' families and friends
who happily slap down money to go to them. If not, please help me to understand.
Signed, Music Snob

Thanks M.S. and by "amateur orchestra" I'm assuming you mean adults and not kids because we all agree that the world needs youth orchestras.
Within the ranks of many an A.A.O. (adult amateur orchestra) there are likely to be a couple of fine musicians whom for whatever reason decided early on to get a real job. The rest of the group all share a passion for music and an almost painful lack of talent. They deserve an outlet and if they can raise a few bucks to keep up the rental payments on the church basement then more power to them. That being said they aren't forcing you to attend these concerts and, if you happen to be somewhere and one starts you can simply leave, just like turning the channel if something on the tube is offensive (see my "In Defense of PBS' Display of Graphic Bestiality" post).
As to why people voluntarily go to these things your "friends and family" assumption is right on the money. In some eastern European countries attendance is also looked on as an act of penance.

Enough Already!

After yesterday's talk about Mike and his euphonium I recieved so many hits that my site crashed for about 2 hours. The questions could be generally broken down to 2 categories: the 1st being "What the hell is a euphonium?" (90%) and the 2nd for the more knowledgeable: "What's the difference between a baritone and a euphonium?" (10%) As for the latter, if you carefully check the pictures above you'll see that the essentially meaningless differences between them are analogous to those of the two instruments in question. In other words....not a whole heckuva lot.
As for the former question well, lets just say that for our purposes a euphonium is a small tuba and the baritone is an even smaller tuba even though saying such a thing is blasphemy in brass instrument circles (people are foaming at the mouth as we speak!!) One has a cylindrical bore and the other a conical bore but its all the same bore to me.
If you're ever unfortunate enough to be cornered by a low brass player at a party and he decides to explain the minute and unimportant differences between the euphonium, baritone, Wagner tuba, tuba, souzaphone, ophecleide etc. just turn quietly and leave. Trying to change the subject never works.

The Governor General and I

OK OK already!! Here's the pic I wasn't supposed to publish taken on that wild camping weekend at Lake Huron some three years ago. I picked soon-to-be-governor-general Michaelle Jean up at the Radio Canada building and whisked her away for three nutsoid days of fun and frolicking. I've made a lot of changes in my life since then and no longer return her calls.

Me....Prepare to be Fascinated

So... here it is, the long awaited profile that "blogspot" has repeatedly tried to keep me from posting. My lawyers advised me well and after excising all slanderous and libelous details about my tryst with the governor general of Canada (the right honorable Michaelle Jean) I've been given the go ahead.

I'm somewhat of a homebody but I'm most proud of my extensive pencil collection. My prize possession is the "Dark Angel Limited Edition" put out in the early sixties by the Eberhard Faber co. Its been laser sharpened to six microns and don't bother asking cuz it ain't for sale!!!!

MUSIC:

I love all types of music but mostly if its pencil-related i.e. anything by Sarah MacLachlan, the 60's inspired folk of "The Sharpeners" and Hamburg's own "PencilWerks"

FILMS:

"A Pencil for Mr. Lupowitz", "2B or not 2B", "The Constant Sharpener", "L.E.A.D."(a Stallone classic!) and John Grisham's "The Graphite Imperative"

SPORT:

I love all sports but mostly the little known national sport of Peru; Pajano (pronounced pay-CHA-no). In this game a large pencil-shaped log is placed upright on its unsharpened end in the middle of a rectangular field. 2 teams of 10 men compete to knock the pencil (or pinquilla) flat into the other side's territory and are awarded points based on time and distance. The game is violent but by no means as bad as in its original form, an Inca war game. Back then if the log landed pointing at a player the successful side quickly picked it up and rammed it straight through the unfortunate victim. Play continued until 1 team surrendered and in this way disputes between tribes were settled without the loss of hundreds or thousands of lives.

SCARED OF:

Pens

HAPPIEST WHEN:

DUHHHH.....when I'm at any pencil collectors convention (IAPC only!) including next year's "PenciCon 2007" to be held in Akron, Ohio next march. Be there or be dull!!

In With The Old

Dixxx, a new contributor to the Blob wants to know how to go about forming a successful boy band comprised of balding and/or overweight, middle-aged men. (see original comment on the "greetings and salutations" post)

Its a tricky dilemma but there are more than a few options. The 1st would involve getting your hands on some sort of nuclear weapon but with the heightened post 9-11 security this is a no go. (would that this were 10 years ago...). All the other options involve Rohypnol (otherwise known as the date rape drug) or powerful hallucinogens.

BTW you don't have to include your friend Mike and his euphonium. Tell him the 90's are over and they took the euphonium craze along with them (thank GOD!!). Bands like L.U.V. Express and the Melvins (with Melvins Segal and Glouberman on euph) had their moment in the sun but its time to move on. Maybe Mike would accept work as your choreographer or make-up artist.

Sugar formalin as a preservative for zooplankton??? I think not!

Here's a shoutout to Arielle, the daughter of a very special friend who we'll just refer to as "Phyllis". Said daughter can be found these days in the murky marshes of northern Alberta up to her ass in Daphnia and other tiny creatures. In answer to your question Arielle; NO....do not use sugar formalin as a preservative for zooplankton! I'd definitely go with a 95% ethanol solution to set and 70% for storage especially if the samples will only be needed for a few months. Its far safer and more cost effective. As to your other question about what to do with your male, dateable, co-worker who you spend day after day alone with in the bush well......let's not forget that your Mom was your age once. Ask her what she would have done! (and how many times...)

SPOTLIGHT ON YTTERBIUM

The Periodic Table and You: vol. 70

Ytterbium, that little known metal is most remarkable for being the only word in any language that starts with the letters ytt. Don't make the common mistake and confuse it with it's cousin ytrrium. A good friend of mine at the McGill University Department of Metallurgy once did this and let's just say that, as his kids were fully grown, he had no real use for his testes anyways.

Today ytterbium is used widely by the cosmetics industry after it was shown to cause such violent and powerful contractions in rabbits that they would actually turn completely inside out while still alive. This facilitated a number of product tests and experiments and surprisingly, clean up was a snap!

FUN FACT Without ytterbium in the food chain we'd all be the size of game hens.

ANAGRAM-MAGIC re-arrange the letters in these words to spell a little known element: "I'm buttery" (answer next week)

If you want to share any of your experiences with or thoughts about today's featured element please feel free to comment.

Greetings and salutations

Welcome to the inaugural posting of The Blob* advice network.

I've been giving advice away for free for many years so I figures "what the heck" (I figures) let's put it on the net and put my kids through college then somebody tells me the blogs are free too. So it looks like community trade school after all, sorry kids.
So....ask away. Important matters of the heart,even more important matters of the vesicle, grammar, animal husbandry. Here's a sample query:

Dear Blob,

My girlfriend likes to bask in her own "weltschmerz" while I enjoy a good wallow in "angst" Our intimacy has been suffering as a direct result of this polarity. What should we do ?

I told them to try "schadenfreud" which means deriving pleasure from someone else's misfortune and misery and today they are married!

Here's a haiku to get you started:

he gave me advice
it wasn't what i wanted
i followed blindly

be true to that spirit now and go.....do......

All comments, questions, and assumed characters (read: aliases or pseudonyms) employed in the transmission of the aforementioned items are the wholely owned intellectual property of The Blob: a subsidiary of The Wong Feng Dumpling Cooperative (Infotainment and Sharp Metal Toy Division), so there!!!!