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Thursday, June 04, 2009

Anything You Can do I Can do Bitter

Experts Recommend Classifying Bitterness As A Mental Disorder

Arlington, VA (AHN) - Mental health experts are recommending the reclassification of prolonged bitterness as a mental disorder.
The mental ailment is described is a pathological reaction to one negative life event like conflict at work, being laid off, divorce, ailment or separation in which the victim views the event as unjust and a violation of his basic belief and values.

Dr. Michael Linden, the German psychiatrist who named the behavior, explained to CanWest News Service, "People feel wronged, humiliated and that some injustice has been done to them... The critical part is this lasting and very intensive emotional embitterment, a mixture of depression and helplessness and hopelessness.... It's a very nasty emotion."

I usually think of bitterness as one of the 4 tastes that we can perceive along with sweet, salty, and sour. The supposed 5th taste or "Umami" is a bogus attempt by the Japanese to assert their self-proclaimed sensory superiority over those of us in the West....or is it?
Umami is produced by Glutamic acid, also known as "xianwei" to the Chinese (literally; "Fresh Flavor"...which just turns out to be the name of 17% of all Deejays) This so called flavor, meaty and savory, actually has specific taste receptors on our tongue.
Big deal!! I bet there are thousands of receptors all over our body that we have yet to discover. Wait!!!...I just invented a new flavor
so now there are 6. It's called Steven and is reminiscent of the flavor of high school gym clothes.(it's a long story which I won't be discussing here, so I was f***ed up in high school...sue me!!!)
Thanks to the discovery of "umami" in 1908, by a Japanese scientist working with seaweed, we now have MSG. Those headaches and that mysterious white rash on your tongue after eating oriental food...thank the Japanese!!

But enough about taste. The bitterness referred to in the article is a whole other story. We all know a bitter person or two and are they fun to be around or what???

Whereas someone like myself may feel that life is too short to harbor this type of resentment the bitter person feels that life is too short because there is not enough time to right wrongs and get back at all those who have caused him harm. This is why the older an embittered person gets the worse the problem becomes. We all know about the biological clock but this is more a psychological timepiece and one of the few human processes that can ripen and mature well into the 80's.
I'm glad bitterness is finally getting it's due and officially achieving recognition as a treatable condition. All those years of languishing in unofficial limbo....somehow I'll never be able to forgive the bastards and assholes who were responsible for this!


Mikexxxster said...

Hey Blob, you parasite!!!

I'm NOT a happy camper!!!! What in thunderation is going on around here?????? I give you the heads-up on the STORY OF THE YEAR, and........... nothin'... diddly squat... nada... and, if I'm not mistaken, the Yiddish equivalent is BUPKISS (or something like that...)!!!!!!

Where's the recognition for some quality sleuthing?????? Even cub reporter Jimmy what's-his-name (Olsen?) got an occasional nod from Perry White......... sheeeeeesh!!!!!!!!

I swear; I'm not bitter (that would be too easy).
But I have to ask...... where's the respect...... where's the love????? WHERE'S THE LOVE, Blobbie????????? WHERE'S THE RESPECT???????? I feel like Vito Corleone in the opening scene of The Godfather, but much worse......... I dunno, why do I even try......
if this is the new Blob, Blob, include me out....... INCLUDE ME OUT!!!!!!!!!

slapper58 said...

"We all know a bitter person or two and are they fun to be around or what???"

In retrospect that was a rather cryptic way of giving you credit and while part of me wants to say "Mikexxsster, I rest my case"
I now see that I've given you yet another reason to feel slighted by the world (or at least by the humans who populate it).
Please accept my apologies and belated thanks for the heads up on that article. Quality sleuthing like that is indeed the lifeblood of The Blob. Buy me breakfast today and we can consider the whole sorry affair forgotten.

Anthony "Theo" [Ted] Bulwer said...


Really funny last couple of posts - though, shouldn't the most recent one have been titled: "Anything You
Can Do I Can Do Vintner"?

Just trying to help,

A "T" [T] B

Anonymous said...

Ball Hair - The hair around your balls.

1. I called up my friend Vinny, and said, "Hi, this is Joe, can you shave my ball hair?"

Mikexxxster said...

Blobeleh............. mes sympathies............... so sad..............

Truly, we are living in The Age of Iron............... no reflection on you, of course; but how do these idiots find you???? Where's the subtelty? Where's the refinement? Where's the wit?

MORONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mikexxxster said...

subtlety....... The Age of Iron indeed!!!!!!!!!!

slapper58 said...

Mikexxster, once and for all, I am NOT about to sublet my house, not to you, not to morons, not to anyone!! You were talking about subletting right??

Random P. Idiot said...

Dear Mikexxxster,

I'm not touching you.

Love and fondles,
Ramdom P. Idiot Esq.

Michael Ignatieff said...

Dear Blob,

Long time reader, first time questioner. I have been getting into wine as of late and need some advice. I have discovered that the big bodied shiraz goes well with grilled red meat, orvietto with lighter fish and poultry; but when it comes to Quebec cuisine I am completely stumped. What can I match with poutine or pea soup? (Angling for the Quebec vote you see...) I tried to ask Harper about it, but since that arsehole only drinks warm Cinquante, he just assumes me to be an elitist fairy.

So many obstacles, too many idiots. This Mikexxxster chap seems like a decent sort, however cantankerous. Go get'em oldtimer!

Warmest regards.

The Right Honourable Stepen Harper said...

Ignatieff! You elitist, wine sipping, french speaking, tooth brushing, butt pirate! Stop making me look bad! I am going to do everything in my power to hang the responsibility of this recession on you jagoff! Once the next round of preemptive attack ads hit the air waves, none of the morons who vote for me would be adverse from running you over with their pick-up trucks!

Sniff my sweet arse!
Stephen Harper

Master J. Tipton Sipperly IV said...

Guess what, Blob? (It's ever so exciting!)

Matron is to come and stay with me while Mummy and Daddy spend the Week-End in London and Matron says I'm a big boy now even though Daddy says I'm young for my age which is thirteen and a half. Matron isn't pretty like all the girls in the photographs in your blog, and she's almost thirty and Daddy says she's frustrated but she smells nice and she says I'm her Special Young Man and she says I mustn't tell Mummy and Daddy as it's our very own little secret so of course I shan't, but we're to play a new game after bath on Saturday night just the two of us and it's called Shove Piggy, Shove! Matron says it's ever so much fun and better even than cake and ices at a Sunday Treat! It does sound like spiffing good fun, eh Blob? I don't quite yet know how to play, but Matron says she'll guide me along and if I don't give in too soon, she'll be ever so happy, and she also says that if I'm quite naughty I'll get extra points! It sounds like a very strange game but I know it will be jolly good fun!

Your excited friend, Tipton

Matron said...

I shan't dignify your sordid blog with any kind of salutation of course; this is merely to inform your readers, if any, that there is, in fact, a perfectly harmless children's game with the same name alluded to by Master Tipton.

Further, as if there were any doubt, you should know that Master Tipton, like the rest of his in-bred, hormonally driven family, is an imbecile.

Finally, let me assure you that I am a decent, upstanding Christian woman, and am, therefore, very well placed indeed to recognise a foul nest of the Devil's own depraved vipers, wallowing in their own filth, when I stumble upon one.

"I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." Matthew 9:13

A loyal reader said...

Dear readers of the Blob,

I think it is high time that we all stop, take a deep breath, and realize what the Blob has done for each of us. As the Rabbi Rabban Gamliel once said: "Provide yourself with a master and free yourself of doubt." The Blob has been that master. The Rabbi was speaking of experts, implying that an expert should be trusted completely. Th Blob has been that expert.

Though it is widely believed experts have a store of domain-specific knowledge, implying that although a master may be a good source for solving problems within their particular field, they are not good at solving problems outside of their field, the Blob has proven otherwise.

Me'ir said: Do not look at the jug but at what is in it: There can be a new jug filled with old wine, and an old one without even new wine in it.

Therefore do not regard anyone with contempt, and do not reject anything, for there is no man who does not have his hour and nothing which does not have its place.

Lo, and thou should show thy gratitude for all that the Blob provideth, by buying him breakfast. Tomorrow, 10:30am Orange Cafe, Corner of NDG boulevard and Decarie.

Loyal Reader #4 said...

You missed your free breakfast arsewipe.

Loyal Reader #4

Anonymous said...


1. Shove piggy shove:
A cooky urban corridor game played with paper plates and a ping pong ball. World record holder Big Mao Mao M is currently suffering from sporting injuries. Big Mao had a near-fatal papercut, but he won't say where.

2. Shove piggy shove:
The first known mention of this parlour game was when Percy from Blackadder 2 suggested playing it. Since then, the more popular Massachusetts variant has become the premier version of the game.
Requiring immense wit and skill, this is a game played by only a few experts. It is not for the weak of heart, mind, or stomach. If you don't understand its attraction, you never will, and you clearly have no soul.

see also shove piggy-in-the-middle shove

"anyone fancy a couple of rounds of shove piggy shove?"

Matron said...

" Loyal Reader" would do well to heed The Lord's Word......

"They who do blaspheme against The Lord shall surely taste the Flame of Torment, yea unto Eternity, and they shall burn, yet not be consumed; and they shall suffer mightily yet never die. And therefore shall they not feast at the Table of The Lord to break their fast upon the coming of the morning." Reservations 10:30

To use the (admittedly) ugly vernacular, wake up and smell the coffee, Loyal Reader, BEFORE IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mikexxster said...

So Blobbie..........

Do you happen to know if Matron is seeing anyone these days? She seems like a fun gal...........

slapper58 said...

Dear Readers of all ilks,
(and especially those with pronounced ilks)
Thank you so much for your kind words and entertaining, libelous, and quasi-pedophilic commentary.
As you are no doubt aware I am currently on day 2 of a three day voyage of discovery in the great city of Boston, mass.
I will begin posting again upon my return but it's good to know that my readers can pick up the slack and amuse themselves in my absence. Some are particularly gifted and experienced in the art of self-amusement. BTW, I,m invoking a little known clause in my contract that entitles me to a free breakfast raincheck twice a year. I'm a comin' home and I'm hungry!!!

A big fan said...

I hate it when I am sitting at a red light, and some stranger comes knocking at my window for spare change. What can I do? Please help!

A big fan.

Maria Callous said...

Wow, Mike was boooored that day, eh guys?