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Monday, February 02, 2009

How Low Can You Go??

Say it ain't so Michael Phelps. The American olympic wunderkind is all over the news of late with the recently released photo of him and a bong of some sort, allegedly used for the purpose of inhaling marijuana. His gold medal haul made him an instant international idol to adults as well as legions of kids and now his millions of dollars worth of endorsement deals appear to be in jeopardy. No....not because of a harmless toke, that actually shows that he's cool, according to most ad execs The Blob was able to contact.

My sources at the British rag; News of the World, have sent me tomorrow's front page and it's a doozie!! Apparently the college party Phelps was attending had more than its fair share of marching band geeks and the swimming star, blitzed out of his mind, grabbed a euphonium (possibly a baritone...at press time this was still unclear) and made a complete fool of himself.

He already has a look that some say is a bit doofusy and paired with one of the more lame instruments.....well....companies have been jumping off the Phelps band wagon like fleas off a flaming vole.

He has already issued a statement fresh on the heels of yesterday's grass related one and here it is, reprinted for readers of The Blob:

"I admitted yesterday that my marijuana use was a youthful mistake and will not be repeated, unfortunately the same cannot be said for my ill conceived use of a euphonium. In what amounts to a complete lapse in judgement and good taste I now realize that I have let down so many and may have done irreparable damage to my marketable image as a cool, wildly successful, olympian.
I suppose I could blame the whole unfortunate episode on a childhood marred by sexual abuse and alcoholic parents but this would be too easy. Something else is at play here and I will take the next several months to do some serious soul searching before I am ready to return to the public spotlight. Tomorrow you will see a picture of me playing a euphonium and you will
thing that I'm a gigantic dork. I understand...please forgive me."

5 comments:

Maria Callous said...

This is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. If not, then poor Phelps might find himself bobbing for gigs like so many rotten apples, or worse; scribbling ranting midnight diatribes on the Blob.

Mama C said...

I don't get it, Michael, where did you go wrong?? I always thought you were dorky, but seriously, now, what gives? This is quite beyond the pale. I think a trombone would have suited you better, for one thing. You're so tall and long-armed. Ah, well, I feel like Beethoven after that whole Napoleon thing went balls up.

Pathetic Bear said...

That is a student model euphonium, and definitely not a Baritone. I think the shame is that Mr. Phelps did not go on ebay and find himself a 4 valve compensating Besson or Willson euphonium. Those are the real thing when it comes to the king of instruments, and as we all know, they are also very effective Chick Magnets.

Maria Callous said...

Ya, if you're gonna look like a dork, look like a dork in style!

bonemikexxxster et al said...

What's wrong with you pathetic people?????? Can't you see the BIGGER picture here??????? Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you losers (not you, MC; you are awesome!!!)??????????

Here's the thing, folks................

BLOBBIE'S GOT HIS MOJO BACK!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah Blob!!! You still da man!!!

However.......... if I might make one teeny-weeny suggestion....... the E thang is great......(!!!) just don't neglect the T and the A ........ after all; shouldn't there be, as Mr. Rohinton Mistry wrote, "A Fine Balance"?.... and, when all is said and done, isn't that what has made The Blob truly great?
So; to sum up... E, good...... E, T and A a whole lot better!!!!!!!

You're welcome, Blobeleh!!!!! yer ol' pal, Bonemikexxxster