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Sunday, October 04, 2009

What's Going On - segment #2

OK ..where was I? Oh yeah!

When we last left off the wedding was just around the corner, the cake looked like a giant piece of pink sidewalk gum, and I was lying on the couch, post-tantrum, looking for inspiration from afternoon TV. "What would Martha do"? I asked, but the moment a potential solution popped into my head an even more compelling reason for its inevitable failure would emerge in its place. 3 minutes turned to 4 and soon to 6 and still no answer, then it hit me, the one word, the one thing that would save the day: ribbon!!

WARNING: The following section deals with behaviour suggesting an alternative lifestyle. Small children and fundamentalists should leave the room in a quick and orderly fashion.
This of course would require some bold and quasi-gay action on my part but when push comes to shove one does what one must! Now, unlike what many of you typical Blob readers are thinking I didn't **** with a ***** while some anonymous man ****** *** **** in my ****.
Nor did several youngish **** **** me with a *** while *****ing on ** ****!!

What I actually ended up doing was going to a fabric store in search of the proper type of ribbon and carrying with me a piece of the troublesome pink fondant to do some color matching. I was, of course, the only male in the store except for one guy who the sales staff kept referring to as "Cynthia" and I did feel like a straight fish in a gay pond. Just when I felt like chickening out I thought of the bride and how she'd kill me on her special day and this was all the motivation I would need. I found my ribbon, asked some kind and matronly women for a 2nd and 3rd opinion and was on my way. Soon the transformation was complete...the cake that is..... not me.

I didn't start ******* an ***** or ***ing a ***** with a greased ***** just cause I went to a fabric store with a piece of pink icing to buy some red ribbon.

And so it was that the cake was rendered presentable and the wedding saved. The premiere of Quebec, the honourable Jean Charest, never got to taste a piece, opting out of the meal when he learned that a leading mafioso would also be in attendance.
Here he is with the bride and a ridiculously small dog. He shook my hand on the way out so he is now assured of my vote in the upcoming election.
(I'm easily swayed, what can I say??)

The guests ate the wedding cake with gusto and were wholely unaware that the ribbon was covering a multitude of decorative sins.

While I received many words of thanks and a healthy round of applause I mustn't forget to thank my sous-chef (pictured below) and the restaurant staff for all their help.

I also want to thank the mafia Don (pictured below) for getting me that deal on the ribbon and for not having one of his boys nail my hand to the restaurant's kitchen counter after an incident with the raspberry coulis.

And what of the comely "neurosis" of sopranos that some of you (one of you) has been clamoring to know more about?

Well it was hot in the church and as the ceremony wore on and on one thing led to another. You know how sopranos are....(pictured below)


Perry White said...

Well Blob, it's something of a relief to see that you finished your assignment in a timely fashion, and (more importantly), that you're not another simpering, sashaying, loose-wristed wedding-cake-baking "poofter" after all... one "jolly roger" in the news-room at a time is about all I can deal with; that Clark Kent is always slipping away at the most inconvenient time for some reason or another... best not to ask why (I hear those people have uncontrollable urges...)!

Great photos, btw! As an old-time newspaperman, I can assure you that John Q. Public never gets tired of pictures of "The Twin Peaks of Mt. Kilimanjaro", if you catch my drift!!

Keep up the good work!!

Lana Lang said...

Well Blob, personally, I don't really give a hoot what mean old Perry White thinks about that dream-boat Clark Kent... Clark could mount an assault on my twin-peaks any day of the week!!

Dear Clark... you're a big fan of the Blob, so I know you'll read this; just between you and me, I have some very interesting valleys you might enjoy exploring too...... xxxx


Lois Lane said...

Shameless tramp! HUSSY!!

Maria Callous said...

Sopranos are hos.

Karina Gauvin said...

Maria Callous, did you mean to write, "Sopranos are hot"? A simple slip of the finger, I'm sure!!

slapper58 said...

There's a cat fight a brewin' !!

Julie from that movie said...

Hey, Blob, I'm quite impressed with your almost fairy-like talent with the icing and ribbon and all. Magical, really! I'm curious as to how you transformed the pink icing into white? Did you put another layer over top? This is from one dessert maker to another, in all seriousness, now. Not that you'd catch me trying to make that fancy icing, it looks like you'd have to throw it up in the air like a pizza crust to get it into the right shape. Not my bailiwick. I'm more of a French Cuisine kind of gal than an Italian pizzeria man. However, I do have a semi-professional interest in the whole question.

Mikexxxster said...

Cat fight!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!!!

(Just so you know, Maria, Karina told me she could whip your ass in a tickle fight........ say it ain't so!!)

Frank Lloyd Wright said...

Thank you, Blob!

I ask you; who doesn't love quality arsechitecture?

Mikexxxster said...

Ummmm, Maria? Karina? In case you've both forgotten, you have a cat fight to attend to, remember? Tick tock... hello!!!

Frank Lloyd Wright said...

After checking my O E D, I now realize, of course, that the proper spelling is arseitecture... after all these years, I should know that. But then, after all these years, my houses shouldn't leak...

Chairman Mao said...

Flank Rroyd Light!!!!

You my arseitecture (ha ha! so funny!) hero! You come to China now! We study Chinese arseitecture very careful together!! Best in world!!! You not sorry... come now!!!

Party Bear said...

No stealing my fake chinese accent! That's MY party trick!

Where's that cat fight!?!?!

Party Bear said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maria Callous said...

The soprano chickened out. She decided to kill herself instead of fighting.

Chairman Mao said...

Why you do making big fun of Chairman accents, Party Bear? Me speaking english very good enough like GI Joe now, yes sir! MAYBE I KILL YOU, OK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You so bad man! You will pay, for sure! O yes... Me show you Party trick, Capitalist friend... me show you COMMUNIST Party trick!!!!

RE-EDUCATION CAMP FOR YOU!!!!! you not like long time, I tell you now!!!!!! So; may be quite now not funny, yes, Party Bear???

Flank Rroyd Light saying it rightly; he say you liking boy arsietechture only!!! Party Bear say Yum yum!!!! lots and lots cutes boy making you so stiffy, no? Ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!

Like I learn to say in one english classes many year ago,
CHUCK YOU, FARLEY! 齬心怛形斤怠齒方日夃延弓耒雨黍龠齒!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha aha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Party Bear said...