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Tuesday, July 06, 2010

The Picks Are In!!!!

Hey there sports fans. The Blob continues it's World Cup coverage with yet another update. Unlike other blogs and news services I like to keep it simple by offering an intro post early on then skipping ahead to the semi-finals thereby leaving out the tournament's meaningless bulk or filler material.

And so, it all comes down today this. Today the proud Uruguayans, South Americas last hope versus the perennial underachieving powerhouse that is the Dutch national squad.

Tomorrow, a titanic struggle between the fiery Spaniards and the ruthless and efficient German team (see: Schindler's List).

Of course, The Blob, with it's full service mandate has been offering sports betting tips and predictions throughout the World Cup through my FaceBook page and yes, I have been consistently wrong about every game of any importance but, those days are done. A computer glitsch was feeding info from my on-line dating profile into my sports prognostication soft ware; SporProg 3000, and this resulted in the steady stream of wrongness. A couple of swift strokes to the side of that whirring, box type thing with a rubber mallet and let the betting's all fixed!!!

Netherlands vs Uruguay

The smart money in Vegas is on the Netherlands to ride their astonishing upset over mighty Brazil straight into the finals. The smarter money here at The Blob says " not so fast!". Sure the South Americans are prohibitive underdogs and will be without their star striker Suarez but the Dutch are a cocky lot and inside sources tell me that they are already looking ahead. Look for Uruguay to score early and hang on with their tenacious defence that relies in part on tireless coverage but predominantly on struck posts and missed calls by the referee. The Dutch will open up in the second half leaving themselves vulnberable to a counter attack and a possible two-nill deficit.

Here it is then with The Blob guarantee. If you want to make the right bet just remember: "Where there's a will there's a Uruguay!" and heard it here first!

Uruguay 2 - the Nether lands 1

Spain vs Germany

What is there to say about this one; a classic World Cup confrontation between two international forces....only one will move on and at the end there will be blood, sweat, and tears upon the pitch.
As a Jew this match has been especially difficult to predict...descendants of the Inquisitors or the 3rd Reich, each awash in talent and a historical desire to dominate. One a people of passion and sun light who have cast off the oppressive shackles of Catholicism to embrace corruption and hedonism. The other, former denizens of the middle earth who have emerged with a desire to make amends but who's national cuisine is even worst than England's.

Here it is then with The Blob guarantee. Despite Germany's impressive run, the favoured Spaniards flair and speed will win the day; "Espana ├╝ber alles!!!"

Spain 1 - Germany 0


Mama Callous said...

I'm going to watch the game today, since the weather is too hot to do anything else. I'm probably staying in the basement all day in fact... I am rooting for Netherlands!!! Only because I have a friend who is Dutch and who would be super happy if they won. I'm sure my support will be the one straw that breaks the Uruguayan back.

Pope Benedict XVI said...

Dearest Blob!

On behalf of the College of Cardinals and myself (haha! almost used a capital M there!), I congratulate you most heartily!

That's some awesomely audacious scam you've got going, my Jewish friend! You've been completely, utterly wrong in EVERY ONE of your World Cup picks, yet here you are, presenting yourself as an expert on the subject... masterfully done... we stand in awe!

Keep up the good work, Blob, and remember... if your faith in the "Old Religion" ever begins to pall, there is always a place for someone such as yourself in God's Holy Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church (btw, I hear that they're doing wonderful things these days in foreskin reconstruction surgery!)! Have you ever wondered what you might look like in a Cardinal's Scarlet Robes? Just asking...

Yours in Christ,


Mikexxxster said...

Hey Blobbie! Haha! You fucked up... you got one right!!!

Paul the Octopus said...

Speaking of prognostications, my human friend, I'm 9-1... not bad for a lowly mollusc, eh? BTW... how you doin'?


slapper58 said...

Pope, I've taken you and your ilk (did you know you have "ilk"??) as role models. Sending your henchmen out into the world to give advice to heterosexual couples is an even better scam than mine!
Of course, my only fault, unlike you is that I am indeed fallible so sooner or later a correct prediction was bound to slip through the cracks.
I knew this would happen because I know myself, unlike that lucky idiot, Paul the octopus. Hey're a friggin' cephalopod!! (mollusc...ha!!)
Keep up the good work cause my friends at the research lab tell me that any day now you'll be looking pretty good cut up into little pieces and deep fried in beer batter... Just like yo mama!!!