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Tuesday, September 01, 2009

A Fresh Start

The leaves overhead, crisp and brown like a well baked pizza crust, wait to meander lazily towards lawns The lawns themselves, tired of endless mowings, yearn for snow cover. Children nervously waiting for school buses, excited to see old friends and overburdened with expensive textbooks..... and a Dad watches at the front door. He too is tired of endless mowings, overburdened by expensive textbooks and yearns not for snow cover but for pizza. (cheese and pepperoni cover ideally)

In Montreal the coming of autumn means that another winter has finally ended and yet another is just around the corner. It's a period of reflection and here at The Blob it's a chance for a fresh start after a lengthy and not easily explained hiatus.

How to begin though? Maybe it would be best to do so humbly, without bravura and fireworks (the naked lesbian nuns in prison video will have to wait for another day) and what could be more humble than the lowly yet exalted potato.


This past July marked a watershed moment in the history of snack food of which many of us on this side of the pond are scarcely aware. Procter and Gamble was forced to argue in a British court of law that it's Pringles Brand Potato Chips were in fact NOT potato chips in order to avoid a value added tax that would have cost them many millions of dollars. A year earlier they had succeeded in convincing a lower court judge that at only 42% potato content they should be exempt, but here....read:


http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2009/may/21/pringles-vat-tax-crisps-snacks?commentpage=1sps-snacks?commentpage=1

As a side note please scan through the comments attached to the article for stuff like this:

Never mind, are pork scratchings still zero-rated?
Pringles are yesterday's snack anyway. The foreseeable future is those jumbo bags of "artisan" crisps with laughably specific "flavours" in weird combinations like Old Spot bacon and Wensleydale.




A nice upshot of the trial is that the word "potato-ness" was coined by a Procter and Gamble lawyer and may very well end up being Blob word of the year. Bottom line: P&G tried to convince a court that Pringles were actually shit but the judge ruled that if it looks and tastes like chip it IS a chip and that Pringles did indeed posess enough of that elusive and ephemeral quality of potato-ness to to be taxed.


You weekend gardeners, toiling away at your potato patches, were too busy to notice. Glad to have been of service.





13 comments:

dixxx said...

Glad to see you back, and by the looks of that picture, you have been on a pretty strict diet during your hiatus. Damn baby, give me a call some time...

dixxx said...

Possible new sponser:

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/reddit-classic-pewter-grecian-large-cremation-urn-engravable-p-6348.html

You're welcome.

Mr. Potato Head said...

Kudos, and thank you Blobbie!!!

YOWWZZAAA!!!

That # 5 is HOT, HOT HOT (I swear... it's like she's been deep-fried in peanut oil, dried on a paper towel, and is ready for some serious action... oh yeah!!!)!!! She is one MAJORLY POTATOLICIOUS TUBER!!! YOWWWZZZZAAAA, BABY!!! YEEEAAAHHH!!! BRING ON THE SALTY PECKER!!!

As you can imagine, Blobber, quality Potato-Porn is as rare as hen's teeth on the internets... (of course, this is between you and me, ol' pal... somehow, I don't think Mrs. Potato Head would understand...) anyways, keep the good shit comin', buddy (how about something SCALLOPED, or, dare I say it, even MASHED next time???... I swear... I'm NOT some sort of perverted sicko... I go to church, I pay my taxes...(!!!)) it's just that... well... you understand, don't you, pally!?!? The spice of life, and all that???? Oh yeah!!!!)

Mr. P H

Underworldprincess2009 said...

You're going to hell, Spuddy.

Maria Callous said...

I believe that Potato is the feminine, while Spud is the masculine. Just for clarity's sake. Now excuse me while I go hit my cat with a rock.

And no I don't mean some weird sex act.

Peace out pervs.

dixxx said...

Dear Maria,

I have an idea for your cat.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_piano

You're welcome.
Dixxx

Underworldprincess2009 said...

The Naziklavier is actually a much more pleasant instrument. We have a lot of them.

Mama C said...

You're a bunch of sick puppies.

Maria Callous said...

Don't listen to her, all she does is sit at home in her pyjamas farting.

Mr. Potato Head said...

Hey, Blob!

One final thought before you move on to less interesting topics... call me kinky, but how 'bout a feature on the oh, so sexy and beautilicious orange flesh of some sweet, sweet Sweet Potato? Don't spare the potato peeler!!!

Lustily yours, P H

The Silver Fox said...

So, loser, this is what you call a "Fresh Start"??????????? Are you kidding me?????????? Did Little Orphan Annie die in vain, you heartless bastard??????

If I may say so, your new beginning looks a lot like your old ending, if you catch my drift, you lazy putz...... would it kill you to get off your arse, turn off the TV and write a response to your various correspondents now and then????

Or are you so whacked out on icing sugar (AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!) that you can't put two words together, never mind type them???????? Out-of-control addicts like you make me want to PUKE!!!!!!!!

On the other hand, your gratuitous use of female quasi-nudity is still second-to-none.... kudos for that lovely potato farmer, btw!!!.... but still...... Jesus H. Christ on a Raft, Blob....... get it together, before it's too late...... that white powder is going to kill you!!!!!

Maria Callous said...

The silver fox strikes again. Well said old sport!

Blob! You killed an orphan!!

John Q.Public said...

Right you are, Maria Callous!

This Silver Fox fellow makes a lot of sense... it seems to me that he's not afraid to, as they said back in the 60's, "tell it like it is"! If Blob is constantly "zonked" on icing sugar and television (and Lord only knows what else!!!), what hope is there for him? It seems to me that it's only going to get worse... and, let's not forget (!!!); he's already killed an orphan!!!

It's just a gut feeling, Maria, but, maybe we shouldn't panic just yet... I'm sure that we haven't heard the last of The Silver Fox... he'll tell us what to do!!!

Ummm, btw... are you seeing anyone these day? Would you like to go bowling some time?